I HATE MEN

So my guy friend and I are laying on my couch watching a movie, and we end up falling asleep. His phone starts ringing at 1:30am…no one ever calls him that late. He woke up and answered it, and I woke up too. I was able to hear that it was a woman on the other line, but I did not want to listen to his conversation. (I am a big believer in treating people as you would like to be treated, and I really don’t like nosy people, so I give others the same respect.) When he got off the phone I asked him, “Is everything okay?” (Even though I was half asleep, my first thought was that it may have been his mom or one of his sisters..I truly am a worry-wart, and after losing my brother I often think the worst when the phone rings at an unusual time…it feels like my heart stops for a moment…the same feeling as when I got the phone call about my brother.)

It was a “yes/no” question, he only had to say one word…instead he says, “oh, that was my buddy Jeremy”…he straight up lied to me…I never thought that he would be the guy to lie to me. I instantly got sick to my stomach, and I started to gag…I am thinking in my head did this really just happen (wishing it was a nightmare). I couldn’t hold back anymore…either I say something or I run to the bathroom to vomit. “You know you don’t have to lie to me, so why did you?” He doesn’t answer. “I asked you a question.” He says, “what?” I said, “Why did you lie to me.” The only thing he could say was, “I don’t know.”

I’m thinking to myself…did he just say “I don’t know”. Then I asked him, “Are you afraid of me or something?” I really did not get it. First off we are not together anymore. About a month prior we decided to take a step back, and just be friends (there are a lot of reasons for this decision, but I’m not going to get into it all. Even though we took a step back we still cared about each other). I did not care about a girl calling him, he is not committed to me, or anything like that…we are friends…but does he go around lying to his other friends too?

Now I am starting to question everything about him…maybe he is not the Prince Charming I thought he was. Sure I never had to open a car door, but I’d rather open a million car doors on my own than have someone that I care about lie to me. Do I even know this guy that I was letting myself falling in love with 4 months ago? Confusion overtook me. Does he even like me…maybe this is all wrong…can he even talk to me…he’s only opened up once, the day we decided to stop dating…is he uncomfortable around me, do I make him uncomfortable…as all of these thoughts are going through my head I was wishing he would just say something…I’m sorry, I was half asleep, and give me a kiss on the forehead or something…why could he not say anything? I felt my eyes swelling up with tears.

I needed to get off the couch and go into my bed. I thought he would leave, but he didn’t. He came up stairs to sleep next to me…I laid there crying as he fell back asleep. My mind still racing as I cushioned my head in the damp pillow…why did he lie, should I talk to him anymore…I have these other guys that seem to really like me, that listen to me, talk with me, and want to be with me and I am blowing them off for him…why? I am not going to call him again, why should I want to talk to him again…he won’t share any deep feelings or emotions with me…it’s just superficial bullshit, and I am not a superficial girl. I care so much, sometimes I think I care too much…I care too much about others, about making everyone happy…are you hungry, thirsty, can I do anything for you? I am not complaining…I like who I am. I just want to be appreciated…I don’t need you to buy me a dozen red rose, I would rather you talk to me, share your life, feelings, emotions, fears, goals, ambitions, and dreams with me…and I will listen and share mine with you.

This is the kicker…he never leaves movies at my house…ever. So, the next morning he woke up and left for work before me. When I got up for work his pile of movies were sitting down stairs on the table…maybe it was an accident, but I remember his hat and something else sitting right next to those movies last night, and those items were gone, so why did he leave the movie?? Did he know how I was feeling that night…did he know that I did not want to talk to him ever again? Did he think that leaving movies at my house would give him another chance?

To be continued…Can I Forgive Him?