I HATE MEN

What is the difference between “dating” and “boyfriend/girlfriend”?

As adults, it is so difficult to transition from one to the other. Personally, I think the term “boyfriend/girlfriend” can be kinda highschoolish.

So, is there really is a difference? I guess for me it comes down to exclusiveness. If neither person is dating anyone else, or sleeping with anyone else, and at the same time has no desire to, then I guess you could be considered as exclusive. But you can be dating and exclusive…right? Okay, now I am really confused…

I have come to realize that I am not alone in this feeling. As adults, we often don’t go through all the stages like we did in high school. Holding hands, the first kiss, second base…for adults all of this is often bypassed…and it is kinda sad. As adults we go out on a few dates, enjoy drinks, dinner, even a movie together, and then before we know it we end up horizontal.

Thinking back to my high school relationship versus a lot of the relationships that I have sustained after that 5 year relationship ended, none were really the same. I mean once you have sex for the first time, each time after that becomes so much easier. As an adult we become more comfortable with our bodies, and sex is no longer awkward, but rather something that we desire or even crave. The “becoming friends first” part is often overlooked, and maybe that is why as adults we go through so many more relationships than as adolescents. We don’t truly get to know the other person, and feeling are clouded by lust rather than finding true love.

Now I just got into a new relationship (about 2.5 months in), and I am just so confused…I don’t want to skip any steps, or rush anything. I mean we have so much fun together, just laying on the couch together, watching television, and tickling each other. It feels like when I was younger, I mean that scared butterflies feeling…not that we never kissed before, but laying there as our lips get closer, his hands move up my back, and my fingers run through his hair…it is quite exhilarating, and it is not even sex. It is just something that I have not felt in a very long time…and I have no idea what we really are?

To me “dating” is when two people are going out or spending time together regularly…maybe twice a week or so. Things are casual, you are learning about one another, but your lives are not consumed by each other. You are still getting to know one another as people and both of you are spending time to see if there is potential for more commitment there. To me, this is how you find if the person is ‘right’ for you and whether or not you would like to be serious. Dating can be exclusive, or it may not be, but I strongly feel that it needs to be clearly defined.

If nothing serious is wanted by both parties you can just continue dating. If you find there is something wrong with him/her, you can end it. If you both want to pursue a relationship, that usually means the two of you have decided you want to be exclusive and you’re not going to date anyone else besides one another. From there on-out, any certain activities with other girls/guys beyond flirting are more or less going to be considered cheating…at least this is my understand of how a relationship works or moves forward.

So this is how I feel…I don’t need a label or title for what we have, but I think that boundaries or standards need to be set. A serious conversation is needed to talk about what we both want and expect, so that we are both on the same page. I can’t guess what you want, especially when I am getting mixed signals from you.

Questions to ask each other:

• “So, what are we?”
• “Okay, so we are dating…is it exclusive?”
• Still need more information…how about “Do you want to spend romantic time with another person, or do you have the desire to?”
• And the final question…“Are you or do you want to be fucking anyone else besides me?”

I hope I am not coming off rude, but I feel that this is the best way to get the question of “What are we?” clearly defined. At least we both know where the other person stands in regards to our relationship.

At the end of the day, how you are imprinted on someones life and heart is the only true mark any of us leave on this earth and is what we are most proud of…