I HATE MEN

As I sit and watch Sex and the City, Carrie proposes an odd analogy, “I got to thinking about relationships and partial lobotomies. Two seemingly different ideas that might just be perfect together - like chocolate and peanut butter.”

So, I got to thinking about relationships and partial lobotomies…as with victims of the lobotomy their sacrifice can be similar to what some sacrifice to try to make a relationship work. Whether it is through psychosurgery or relationship identity loss,”an area essential to the human being - the personality - is destroyed”.

After a relationship, it does feel that we have lost many things that have made us a unique human being…such as love, concern for others, empathy, self-insight, creativity, initiative, autonomy, rationality, abstract reasoning, judgment, future planning, foresight, will-power, determination, and concentration.

Now why the consequences of the surgery are irreversible, I believe that when a relationship is concluded, we can rebuild our personality and all that qualities that made us the great person we were.

At the end of a relationship, we have not only lost the love for our mate, but often love for ourselves. We need to take the time to love ourselves again before we can try to love someone else.

Not only do we lose love, we might stop caring about ourselves and others. Maybe we drive erratically, start bad habits, or even abuse ourselves or others. I believe if we accomplish the first step, and love ourselves, we can avoid the loss of concern for ourselves and others. Remember to maintain a appreciation for yourself and each other through the relationship to avoid the loss of empathy.

Often in relationships we lose autonomy and self-insight, as we are no longer independent. We may have allowed our previous mate to make the decisions, or influence our decisions…often when our mate may not have our best interest in mind. Throughout a relationship it is important to maintain your independence. When making a decision in a relationship it should be made as a team…consider the pros/cons of the decision and how it will affect both of you, as well as each of you as individuals. If the decision does not equal a positive when both of you are considered, it is not a good decision.

If we continue to allow others to make decisions for us, we also find a loss of rationality and abstract reasoning. Sound judgment, responsibility, and common sense become clouded and we are unable to properly analyze and solve problems. Remember to keep your values close to heart when making decisions in life…don’t lose sight of your creativity & drive, and never let your mate put you down.

In a relationship, we spend so much time planning for a future with one person. So when the relationship is ended we have difficulty in planning for just us. Remember, it is okay to be selfish and think about yourself. Don’t run away when you feel lost, you should try to find your home…try find where “you” belong in life. If you run away now, when you stop to look around later you may realize that you have become more lost than when you started. Think about where you would like to be in 5 years. Think about education or your career. Face your fears, and don’t take the path that seems the easiest. While it is easier to run away, it seems best to take the time to do something to make your life better.

We find it difficult to anticipate or expect, when what was normal to us is never more. It will take some time to adjust to a new way of living, but never stop living. We were born with a will to live…with drive and determination, so don’t stop driving towards your goals in life. Stay positive, motivated, creative, and most of all, alive with who you are. Don’t hide who you are, or pretend to be something you are not.

As SJP asked, “To be in a couple, do you have to put your single self on a shelf?”

I think it is important to stay true to who we are…because if we put our “single self” on a shelf, who’s to say it will still be there or be the same…I would never want there to be a shelf life on me.