I HATE MEN

Hi everyone I have a short story to tell about my recent experience and how I am getting through it.

Where to start is almost impossible cause there are so many issues I have had to put up with from money to sex. I have been in a serious relationship for almost 2 years and even got a place together (BIG MISTAKE). I have felt neglected and trapped for about 7 months now and I finally decided that the best thing to do is ask my landlord to break the lease with me due to non payment from the loser I was with. My landlord is very understanding and is fortunately allowing me to do this. I have moved everything from my place that I own and moved in with my mother while the man I was with still lives in the place but I have explained to him that he has to be out by the 1st cause the landlord has to find new tenants to live in the house. This man is so upset that I have left that he calls me a bitch on a regular basis and the only reason I call him is for a few of my items that he has not returned to me. I am getting to the point that I don’t even care about these items anymore cause it is not worth the stress of having to put up with him.

I truely have not explained the way he has hurt me so let me open the window for you to look into my heart and how he has torn it. He is very unmotivated and lacks intimacy. I have never had a conversation with him because everytime I wanted to discuss an issue with him he would lay his head down on a pillow and close his eyes and proceed to tell me he was tired. When i walked into the house after work nothing was clean and he would not even acknowledge my existence. He would complain about anything and everything and he never had a nice thing to say about anyone. He has always put me last. I have taken a backseat to even mere strangers. I remember when My father passed away in November I came to his place after the funeral and he was laying down and I just broke down crying and looked at me and said “You should have stayed at your moms”.  How dare he.  The list goes on and on but really what it all boils down to is he and I have no future together and I am not willing to sacrifice one more minute with someone that is not my equal. I have truely learned the hard way with this guy and I am a better person cause he has shown me how not to be and now I have the ability now to never accept less then what I deserve. I wanted to write this in hopes that it might help at least one woman see a way out of a terrible situation cause I kept saying to myself “I am trapped” or “I dont know what to do”.  Now I know that there is nothing that can stand in the way of my happiness and even though some things seem impossible you have to think otherwise cause there is no reason good enough to stay with someone that makes you feel like a prisoner.

So my guy friend and I are laying on my couch watching a movie, and we end up falling asleep. His phone starts ringing at 1:30am…no one ever calls him that late. He woke up and answered it, and I woke up too. I was able to hear that it was a woman on the other line, but I did not want to listen to his conversation. (I am a big believer in treating people as you would like to be treated, and I really don’t like nosy people, so I give others the same respect.) When he got off the phone I asked him, “Is everything okay?” (Even though I was half asleep, my first thought was that it may have been his mom or one of his sisters..I truly am a worry-wart, and after losing my brother I often think the worst when the phone rings at an unusual time…it feels like my heart stops for a moment…the same feeling as when I got the phone call about my brother.)

It was a “yes/no” question, he only had to say one word…instead he says, “oh, that was my buddy Jeremy”…he straight up lied to me…I never thought that he would be the guy to lie to me. I instantly got sick to my stomach, and I started to gag…I am thinking in my head did this really just happen (wishing it was a nightmare). I couldn’t hold back anymore…either I say something or I run to the bathroom to vomit. “You know you don’t have to lie to me, so why did you?” He doesn’t answer. “I asked you a question.” He says, “what?” I said, “Why did you lie to me.” The only thing he could say was, “I don’t know.”

I’m thinking to myself…did he just say “I don’t know”. Then I asked him, “Are you afraid of me or something?” I really did not get it. First off we are not together anymore. About a month prior we decided to take a step back, and just be friends (there are a lot of reasons for this decision, but I’m not going to get into it all. Even though we took a step back we still cared about each other). I did not care about a girl calling him, he is not committed to me, or anything like that…we are friends…but does he go around lying to his other friends too?

Now I am starting to question everything about him…maybe he is not the Prince Charming I thought he was. Sure I never had to open a car door, but I’d rather open a million car doors on my own than have someone that I care about lie to me. Do I even know this guy that I was letting myself falling in love with 4 months ago? Confusion overtook me. Does he even like me…maybe this is all wrong…can he even talk to me…he’s only opened up once, the day we decided to stop dating…is he uncomfortable around me, do I make him uncomfortable…as all of these thoughts are going through my head I was wishing he would just say something…I’m sorry, I was half asleep, and give me a kiss on the forehead or something…why could he not say anything? I felt my eyes swelling up with tears.

I needed to get off the couch and go into my bed. I thought he would leave, but he didn’t. He came up stairs to sleep next to me…I laid there crying as he fell back asleep. My mind still racing as I cushioned my head in the damp pillow…why did he lie, should I talk to him anymore…I have these other guys that seem to really like me, that listen to me, talk with me, and want to be with me and I am blowing them off for him…why? I am not going to call him again, why should I want to talk to him again…he won’t share any deep feelings or emotions with me…it’s just superficial bullshit, and I am not a superficial girl. I care so much, sometimes I think I care too much…I care too much about others, about making everyone happy…are you hungry, thirsty, can I do anything for you? I am not complaining…I like who I am. I just want to be appreciated…I don’t need you to buy me a dozen red rose, I would rather you talk to me, share your life, feelings, emotions, fears, goals, ambitions, and dreams with me…and I will listen and share mine with you.

This is the kicker…he never leaves movies at my house…ever. So, the next morning he woke up and left for work before me. When I got up for work his pile of movies were sitting down stairs on the table…maybe it was an accident, but I remember his hat and something else sitting right next to those movies last night, and those items were gone, so why did he leave the movie?? Did he know how I was feeling that night…did he know that I did not want to talk to him ever again? Did he think that leaving movies at my house would give him another chance?

To be continued…Can I Forgive Him?

I would like to thank Maggie from the Boston Phoenix for filling me in about one of the Top 10 in their annual survey of THE 100 UNSEXIEST MEN OF THE YEAR.

The Boston Phoenix staff has taken much time, and careful calculations to determine exactly who are the unsexiest men of 2008.

Now these men are more than just unsexy, some can truly be considered scum of the Earth. They ARE the MEN WE HATE…hypocrites, liars, big mouth egotist, cheaters, burly fat slobs, frauds, and down right repugnant men, if we can even call them men…

Some of these men may or may not be considered physically unappealing (some are even attractive), but most have displayed unacceptable behavior, characteristics, values, motives, and some are just plain dumb.

The Top 10 UNSEXIEST MEN OF THE YEAR

10. PEREZ HILTON – YENTA SKEEZE

9. ELIOT SPITZER – THE LUV GUV

Oh, Client 9: what big ears you have! And you know what they say, right? The bigger a man’s ears . . . the more he spends on hookers! The ex-governor wasn’t exactly a New York sex symbol, even when he was beating the pants off Wall Street crooks. Now that the FBI’s got his pay-to-lay madame on a wiretap calling him “difficult” and revealing his predilection for riding bareback with prostitutes, it’s safe to say that he’s significantly reduced his potential partner pool to a handful of revenge-seeking men looking for payback in cellblock D.

8. DR. PHIL – TOUCHY FEELER

7. RYAN SEACREST – AMERICAN IDIOT

6. MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD – PERSIAN PINHEAD

5. LOU DOBBS – BORDER BULLY

4. TOM CRUISE – MAD SCIENTOLOGIST

3. LARRY CRAIG – SENATOR “GLORY, GLORY HOLE I’LL DO YA”

2. SPENCER PRATT – MTV’S LOSER HILLS-BILLY

1. ROGER CLEMENS – ROID-RAGING ROCKET

Thanks again Maggie.  Eliot Spitzer definitely deserves to be in The Top 100 Unsexiest Men of 2008. 

Well at least we know that all those men going at him in cellblock D will gladly meet without objection Spitzer desire to go bareback.  Now, I wonder how Spitzer will feel when the bareback rider will be on him?