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Rebounds & Hookups Create Drama and Confusion
Hi everyone! So I have come to the conclusion that boys – not men make life confusing. I broke up with my ex a couple months ago. We had been together for many years and were close to becoming engaged; anyways we grew apart and it was definitely for the better.
So, as soon as I was single there was the usual “rebound.” I think it was more that I was afraid of being alone than anything. Then I realized that I would be fine living the single life until I found someone. Weeks went by and I met a guy.
Now, this guy was five years older, which isn’t a big deal, technically married, and had a girlfriend. Yes, ladies and gentlemen what in the world was I thinking?? We ended up hooking up while he was still with his girlfriend. And he made it clear that all he wanted was to “hook-up,” even though he kept telling me how much he liked me, better than his girlfriend, which I am NOT ok with.
While we “hooked-up” all I could think about was, “is this gonna go anywhere?” Then of course the thought of his poor girlfriend did cross my mind. That too was another reason why I wouldn’t want to see myself with him – once a cheater always a cheater. Who’s to say he would not cheat again? Most likely he would.
So I got over it and decided to move on and forget guys for awhile. Too much of this drama was driving my crazy. I went to a party with my friend and very unexpectantly met a great guy!
We ended up talking for hours and hit things off right away. Later I had found out that the other guy (the one with the gf) dumped his girlfriend for me.
He was telling me over the phone how he could now give me 100% and see where things could go and that he really cared about me. I was so confused because this guy is completely opposite from me. I’m 21 he’s 26. I’m more conservative and laid back he’s the bad boy type.
I couldn’t truly understand what he was doing? He was saying all the right things to try and trick me into thinking he was some awesome guy. And don’t get me wrong he is a nice guy and good friend, but not my type of guy to be in a long-term relationship with.
At that point I was very confused; I was confused about how I was going to turn that guy down without hurting his feelings. It was obvious that he was playing the field and didn’t care about me. He was trying as hard as he could to get me because he now found himself solo and no girlfriend to sleep with.
The first thing I told him was besides not having the same feelings about him as he did for me, that I couldn’t be with a “cheater.” His response was comical, “ohh I would never cheat on…we would be so close in that I would not have the temptation.” Right after that I got sick to my stomach thinking, “I hooked up with a slime ball.”
Personally, I think that getting to know someone before you get intimate with them shows a lot about the person. It shows that they care about YOU and not only what you look like.
So as you can guess I’m dating the guy I met at my friend’s birthday party and I’m so happy! This guy is completely perfect – great sense of humor, personality, intelligent, and not too mention not bad on the eyes.
Last weekend, he took me to see a movie it was the cutest thing, he did the arm-stretch and put his arm around me. He gives me little butterflies in my stomach when he kisses me – having that feeling makes me realize that I would risk anything right now to make it work between the two of us. And I believe that he is the same way.
I’m excited to see what happens between the two of us and will keep you posted. If I can give any advice I would say, “Take a risk on the unexpected it might just be what you’re looking for…”
by Erin6 Responses to “Rebounds & Hookups Create Drama and Confusion”
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Hi Erin,
I can totally related with your confusion of boys. I’ve also been in a relationship where I was “the other girl”…the guy I was seeing was separated, but still married. This relationship was on-and-off for about 2 years, but I always felt like I was second because of the ties to his daughter and his ex’s family. And the fear of him cheating was always in the back of my mind…
I think it is better that you moved on past this guy. I found relationships with so much drama and complications are often very draining, and require full commitment by both parties…something that is difficult when it appears you are already apprehensive about this guy.
It sounds like the guy you chose has much more respect for you than the 26 year old did. Just don’t make the mistake of putting this new guy on a pedestal because he seems so perfect. Keep him at your level, as you will get to see him as he truly is…
I think I’d rather find the almost perfect, so close to being everything kind of guy versus the guy that seems perfect, only because he is doing & being what he thinks you want.
[...] of getting hurt, and scared of hurting me. I am scared too, but I think I am going to take the advice of Erin, “Take a risk on the unexpected it might just be what you’re looking [...]
Can I just say THANK YOU
You have no idea how much it annoys me when a hear chicks going out with cheaters. Now I understand why chicks go out with guys who cheat (long story that I won’t go into).
But the fact that you said no and went out with some worthwhile….great stuff. You have a strong sense of character.
Hi Erin. You only see what you want to. When you worried about loneliness, you had sex with the ‘bad boy’ – when you met someone with better long term prospects, the ‘bad boy’ became a slime ball. And the new long-term guy is, in your words Erin, “completely perfect”.
The guy you rejected is a slime ball and the guy you chose is perfect?
I think you’re the slime ball here. This guy gave up his girlfriend to go with you but you just wanted sex and adventure. Then you make out that it was his behaviour that drove you away, rather than you finding something better. You used him for sport.
Well, he did take a risk on the unexpected but didn’t get what he was looking for.
This guy I know, knew, asked me to come to his town for a visit. I had trouble with the directions and I was 3 hours late. He told me only a ‘Strange” person could miss the street exit. I missed the exit because: 1.) I almost got hit by another car, 2.) I dropped the cell phone talking to him-he said I hung up on him, 3.) I couldn’t get over to the exit. So he sends me a text and literally told me to get Lost! I was already lost! These are the real reasons he acted like he did: 1.) He is the ‘Strange’ one and I’m glad we didn’t hook up, 2.) He got back with his girl an didn’t know how to tell me like a man 3.) He’s trying to make all this my fault so I’ll come running to him, therefore, giving him the “Upper Hand” in the relationship, 4.) He’s with a dangerousTrippy Female like himself. I’m glad we didn’t hook up and we won’t be hooking up! I don’t need a house to fall on me to tell me to LEAVE HIM ALONE! He’s a Gemini!
I totally agree with this comment from a better woman:
“I think I’d rather find the almost perfect, so close to being everything kind of guy versus the guy that seems perfect, only because he is doing & being what he thinks you want.”
I was with someone for three years until I finally realized, I don’t even know him. He has reasoned for having an identity crisis, but he never gave me a chance to see the things about him that never change. As I grew more and more honest he moved further and further from me and funny thing is that he pursued me and persuaded me into the relationship! Nobody is going to understand why I broke up with him because he seems perfect. I just want something REAL and I want us to be free together.