I HATE MEN

Ok, I like to think I’m fairly level headed, keep my cool under (most) pressure. (Ya’ know. I only flip out about the important things, like a broken nail, the toilet seat being left up or when I catch my boyfreind with his tounge down some other chicks throat… you know, the important things.)

Recently, however, I have been noticing my anger level getting the best of me… Just the other day, I noticed someone parked in my spot in the local parking building. My first reaction was fairly level headed, I think. You know the traditional curse word or 5 while death-gripping, then hitting the steering wheel, meanwhile assesing the most interesting way to ram their Yukon off the second floor. (I tend to forget I don’t drive a truck Instead, I pull over, call my boss to say I’ll be late and report to the most unfortunate receptionist currently assigned to The Parking Nazi. (If only you knew how true this term is!) Anyhow, I report to the poor receptionist that someone is in my spot and I’d like to get the %&#$er towed. “Unfortunately,” she says, they do not tow anyone. WTF! I want revenge, I don’t drive a truck nor a bumper car (which by the way would be funny as all hell) and my co-workers say keying it would be illeagal. So, I have to go out and move my car to a meter. (I will not get towed however as long as my reservation ticket is hanging on my mirror she tells me.)

So because my day thus far has been a total freaking mess because not only can I not park in a spot I pay for, but I am also reminded once again, that I don’t yet own a diesel, I decide to let the nice young lady who stole my f’n spot a note on her window. (OK, at this point I want to point out that she too has a reservation ticket in her window but, for some unknown reason felt like my more expensive spot - which I personally pay for - is now at her disposal!) So, I leave her this nice little note I printed from www.youparklikeanasshole.com . From my standpoint, I had every right, it seemed like a more legally acceptable thing to do than some of the alternatives and, in addition, I found it slightly funny…

Midway through my day, however, I get a visit from one of the other workers in the Nazi’s office. She walks towards me, my note in hand, with that same look your mother might have given you when she found her best sheet set tied up in the woods next to the house because you wanted to “go camping” and the old ones had holes from last time. She hands my note back and just stands there. “Did you do this?…. You realize this is our department?…. Don’t do it again….” “Yes” and “Ok” was all I could say.

So moving onto The Parking Nazi… I leave work at the end of the day. Walk to my car, which I was instructed to park at a meter. And what do I find? A FREAKIN’ TICKET!!! $10!!! What a f’n a$$!

SIDEBAR: You have to realize what makes this scene funny though. The Parking Nazi, while he seems to be invisible, like Batman at night, and there is no telling where he is or when, he can detect an expired meter like your barefeet and your cat’s most recent hairball during the night…. The Man DRIVES to each and every car to post the ticket! He walks no where! What a lazy POS! So, anyhow. There’s a ticket on my window. I removed the ticket, calmly express my rage to my boss, who was walking with me, and then went on my way for the weekend.

So after brooding over this ALL WEEKEND!!!, I have come to a conclusion. I think we have to focus on the main issues, Ladies. It’s about time that instead of being so crazed and bitter at men, we just deal with the fact that we are God’s ultimate plan. That is why we came second, he realized what a screw up the first product was and knew he could do better. “Men are forever going to sound like freakin’ gorillas when they talk.” (a quote from my boss…. a man But why beat a dead horse…

But let’s not dwell on the little facts. Let’s just make fun of them and amuse ourselves. They’ll be confused, yes, but at some point, maybe they will just surrender.

Here’s a funny I saw recently… “If a man speaks in the woods, and no woman is around to hear him, is he still wrong?”