Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, and installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1. Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Whats the difference between a new boyfriend and a new dog?
The dog is still excited to see you after a year.
The best way to a man’s heart is straight through his chest with a sharp knife.
If God had wanted women to chase men, he would have made the men worth catching.
There are easier things in life than finding a good man…. nailing water to a tree for instance.
Trusting a guy is like jumping out of the 10th floor.
You hope it won’t hurt. But you know it will.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
Men are like…Government Bonds. They take so long to mature.
Men are like…Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.
MEN-tal Anxiety, MEN-opause, MEN-tal Breakdown. Ever noticed that all problems start with MEN?
Men need women more than women need men; and so, aware of this fact, man has sought to keep woman dependent upon him economically as the only method open to him of making himself necessary to her.
I believe in dragons, faeries, good men, unicorns, and other fantasy creatures.
As long as you know that most men are like children, you know everything. — Coco Channel
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
Men are like hammers, they haven’t evolved much in the past 5,000 years, but they’re useful to have around.
Men are like sperm. They’ve got a one-in-a-million chance of becoming human beings
Men are like dogs. If they can’t eat it or screw it, then they just piss on it.
Men are like public toilets they’re either engaged, vacant, don’t work or full of sh*t.
Men are like mascara, they usually run at the first sign of emotion
Men are proof that women can take a joke.
Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they don’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties.
Why did God create man? Because vibrators can’t mow the lawn.
Why do men name their penises? They want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all of their decisions.
Why do men like masturbation? It’s sex with someone they love.
If a man got pregnant.
..Abortion would be available in convenient stores and drive-thru windows.
What did God say after creating man? I can do better.
Whats the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding, scum-sucker, and the other is a fish!
Whats a man’s idea of helping you with the housework? Picking up his feet so you can vacuum.
What do men and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.
A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.
“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking when the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove had caught on fire. It went up in seconds. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is gone……..”
“Wait! Back up a minute,” the man says. “My agent called?”
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One…men will screw anything.
How can you tell if a man is sexually excited? He’s breathing.
This post was submitted by shakethehobbitt.