I HATE MEN

Unlike men, I would like to show that women can take it, just as much as we can dish it out…us women have a sense of humor! Enjoy.

Every women know that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth, and he takes his life in his hands!

This is a handy communication guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

Dangerous:

• What’s for dinner?
• Are you wearing that?
• Why are you so worked up?
• Should you be eating that?
• What did you DO all day?

Safer:

• Can I help you with dinner?
• Wow, you sure look good in brown!
• Could we be overreacting?
• There are a lot of apples left.
• I hope you didn’t over-do it today.

Safest:

• Where would you like to go for dinner?
• Wow! Look at you!
• Here’s my paycheck.
• Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
• I’ve always loved you in that robe!

Ultra Safe:

• Here, have some wine.
• Here, have some wine.
• Here, have some wine.
• Here, have some wine.
• Here, have some wine.

Here’s 30 harsh things a woman can say to a naked man.

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it’s cute.
3. Why don’t we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It’s okay, we’ll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no… I just got a flash headache.
11. (Giggling and pointing)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won’t take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the early bird.

A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed.

So the man says to his wife, “Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill.” She says nothing and ignores the remark.

A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill. Then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, “Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill!” She ignores this remark as well.

Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, “If you think I’m going to fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken.”

A man leaves home to go fight in the Crusades and decides that his wife should wear a chastity belt in his absence. So he locks her up and gives the key to his best friend.

He tells him, “If I’m not back in four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life.”

The husband leaves on horseback and about half an hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend.

“What’s wrong?”, he asks.

“You gave me the wrong key.”

I’m hungry = I’m hungry.
I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy.
I’m tired = I’m tired.
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let’s have sex now.
I’m bored = Do you want to have sex?
What’s wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question.
May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you.
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next ten minutes.
Let’s talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I’d like to have sex with you.
I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay

This guy wrote the following article and as I read it, my mouth was hanging open! I realize how freaking unfair this may seem but I truly don’t know if I completely disagree…

The big problem is where to draw the line between safety and rights. How do you define where one persons rights end and another’s safety begins? For once, I think I might agree with a male journalist…

Just read it and let me know your thoughts!

This guy wrote the following article and as I read it, my mouth was hanging open! I realize how freaking unfair this may seem but I truly don’t know if I completely disagree…

The big problem is where to draw the line between safety and rights. How do you define where one persons rights end and another’s safety begins? For once, I think I might agree with a male journalist…

Just read it and let me know your thoughts!

This is a WorldNetDaily printer-friendly version of the article which follows. To view this item online, visit http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=55748 Friday, May 18, 2007 TROUBLESPEAK Radio host suggests putting GPS on Muslim immigrants U.S. should consider bugging homes, monitoring calls, e-mails Posted: May 18, 2007 1:00 a.m. Eastern © 2007 WorldNetDaily.com ‘Gunny Bob’ Newman A radio talk show host in Denver asked his audience to consider whether or not it would be right for all Muslim immigrants admitted to the U.S. to wear GPS units and have the FBI bug their homes and monitor their telephone calls and e-mails. The comments from “Gunny Bob” Newman on 850 AM KOA radio were reported by the Denver Post. He was reacting to the recent arrests of six men charged in an alleged plot to attack and kill as many soldiers as they could at Fort Dix, N.J. The suspects, Muslims, have been ordered held without bond, and court documents now reveal one of the men told the others how to make bombs and gave them weapons for the planned attack. Newman, on his talk show on a station that also carries Rush Limbaugh, the nation’s most-listened-to radio talk show host, said he was fed up with attacks by Muslims on the U.S. and its interests. “I want – tell me if I’m wrong or tell me if I’m right. I want every Muslim immigrant in America who holds a green card, a visa, or who is a naturalized citizen to be required by law to wear a GPS tracking bracelet at all times,” Newman said in a recent diatribe against such unprovoked attacks on the U.S. “And the FBI and the NSA should monitor their phones and their e-mails, all communications – electronic – at all times, as well as bug their places of work and their residences. If they don’t like the idea, or if they refuse, throw their a—- out of this country,” he said. “All mosques and community centers as well as Muslim organizations must be monitored. We know with the arrests … that the Muslim terrorists are absolutely, positively here – and we invited them to our country! And I think maybe it’s time that we should stop doing that,” he said. The words immediately unleashed a firestorm of criticism from organizations such as the American Civil Liberties Union, and a lobbying campaign convinced three companies to withdraw their advertising from the show. “We sent numerous e-mails,” said a spokeswoman for Colorado Media Matters, which bills itself as a resource that monitors and corrects conservative broadcast statements. His boss at the Clear Channel station, Kris Olinger, reported “Gunny Bob” was expressing an opinion, “an extreme one, but his opinion. [Hosts] are paid to express opinions. That’s the nature of what we do.” “Newsradio 850 KOA understands that some of you may have been offended by remarks Gunny Bob made regarding Muslim immigrants to the United States. That was not the intention. 850 KOA believes in being fair and respectful while encouraging discussion and debate of complex issues,” the station said in a website statement. “Call me kooky, but I think maybe it’s time for a little moratorium on Muslim visas, period. Hey, I’m sorry guys – I know that a lot of you are great people. I know you just like to do business here or become a U.S. citizens (sic) and be a peaceful person. I know that. But you know what? You better get control of your own people. Once you get control of them, then come see us again and we’ll think about – however many decades down the road it is – we’ll think about maybe opening our doors to you again. “But you are doing absolutely freaking nothing to help, to, to help this nation. And that’s that,” Newman said. Newman had been honored in 2006 with a “Gunny Bob Day” declaration by Colorado’s governor, who wrote the three-hour daily program is responsible for “educating and enlightening Colorado citizens on a variety of topics from counter-terrorism to survival tactics” and “the State of Colorado recognizes Gunny Bob for his ability to keep citizens informed about war tactics and strategies, as well as the current situation in the Global War on Terror.” In a Denver Post column, Dick Kreck noted that Newman is a “conservative talk show” host for whom “rash, rude and inflammatory statements are common.” Bill Menezes, chief of the Colorado Media Matters, said Newman is seeking to “deny to members of a specific religion the same rights that his employer states are integral in the treatment of its own employees.” “In dealing with the recent Don Imus controversy, NBC News President Steve Capus emphasized that it was important for NBC’s employees to have confidence in the company’s values. It’s time for Ms. Olinger and Clear Channel to step up and have a public conversation about why one employee is allowed to broadcast values that it won’t stand for elsewhere within its own organization,” Menezes wrote. After making his comments, and seeing some of the reaction, Newman acknowledged that visitors to what he described as “liberal hate blogs” were suggesting “liberals should protest me and my right to freedom of speech” at signings of his new book, “The War for America.” He then said those who might protest are “holier-than-thou, politically correct, anti-First Amendment, namby-pamby fools.” “Who the heck do you think you are to say an American citizen doesn’t have the right to state his or her opinion?” wrote blogger “DB” about the situation. “Here I am to state my opinion! Get out of it! If you don’t like it turn the d— channel! We love Gunny Bob! He says it like it is.” Newman noted the “irony and hypocrisy” of those activists who protest against his First Amendment rights using their own First Amendment rights.” Newman “is one of the very few that live in the land of reality. He is one of the few that recognizes the Islamic faith as a terrorist faith. I certainly see it and once these people kill 100,000 Americans or so, others will recognize it,” wrote “swatson839″ on an online comment page.

This guy wrote the following article and as I read it, my mouth was hanging open! I realize how freaking unfair this may seem but I truly don’t know if I completely disagree…

The big problem is where to draw the line between safety and rights. How do you define where one persons rights end and another’s safety begins? For once, I think I might agree with a male journalist…

Just read it and let me know your thoughts!

It’s very hard to say. I’m almost…. in shock. I went out tonight and no married guys tried to pick me up…. just a few girls. So, ok. Here’s a little survey that I would LOVE to hear some responses on… PLEASE!!! If you go to a bar, one that you’d go to with the intentions of possibly picking somebody up, not just the hang with your friends, hole in the wall type place. So let’s say you’re in this bar and you see a chick wearing a long sleeved t-shirt under a short sleeved t-shirt, does this ring any bells? Does it make you think anything is up with this chick? Little by little I have been noticing that every once in a while I’ll see this at some bar or another and something just doesn’t seem right. In all honesty, I get the impression that she’s gay. No harm. I am by no means degrading anyone! I have both male and female friends that are gay or bi. No harm. I am just making an observation. So anyhow, I’ve been hurt way to many times, this last one was the worst and it’s not that I don’t want a relationship, I just am tired of chasing or doing all the work. I have come to realize that if somebody is interested, they’ll make some sort of effort to get my attention. Otherwise, eh, life goes on. Right now, being single is really not that bad, and I have to admit this is a first for me to say that. But I digress… So I go out tonight with about 6 friends or so, some guys, some girls. The place we go to is PACKED! Of course, it’s wet t-shirt night for the ladies and wet boxer night for the guys. But in total, I can’t tell you how many girls were dancing with me throughtout the entire night. Now I’m not gay, bi or whatever you may want to imagine. But I have to tell you that what I was wearing tonight was a long sleeved shirt under a short sleeved one… Go figure. Am I the only one who sees a pattern? Start watching over the next few times you go out to different bars. Just watch and then let me know…

Help Wanted:  Seeking Bitter Women to post about her relationship.

This is not a paid position, however it’s a fun one… this site ranks well on all the search engines and is getting alot of traffic… the women that ran that prior isn’t upset anymore and hence isn’t as motivated.  I use bitter loosely because of course it’s the guys fault right?

Please post below on why you feel you fit the job.

Sometimes I wonder why I even try. After a while you have been hurt so many times that you find it harder and harder to convince yourself to try again. But then, unless you want to spend the rest of your life miserable and alone, you have to have at least a small amount of hope that somewhere, perhaps, there really is just one good guy left just for you. Well f’ that theory out the window. Time and time again, I am faced with this decision. This past time was no different. I had plenty of arguements of ‘why should i not let myself fall again’ but this last one had a good sales pitch. Truth or not, his speech was exactly what I’ve been looking for inside but thought perhaps my standards were to high… until he kept preaching it over and over, making me think he really meant it. So I finally give in, go tto know him and fall for him. Great! Wonderful! Yeh! Sure, there were problems but nothing worth having comes that easily… so I hear. But last night, 2 days before Valentine’s Day, he shows up at my door, dressed up and smelling good to break up with me.? 2 days before Valentine’s Day! My ‘stuff’ I left at his house is in his truck in a grocery bag. Would I rather him lie or drag it on? NO! NO! NO! But please! Someone explain to me how it is I am not supposed to feel bitter, hurt, insulted… I’m tired of hearing how wonderful I am. I’d be a great ‘catch’ for any guy. I’m the perfect female in so many ways. But all of these statements lead to my utter disappointment in the end. And to make it worse, when I think the relationship has potential, I have them meet and get to know my daughter…. What the hell is she going threw as time and time again, she has to loose the man in her life? How do I explain why mom is crying in the middle of the night while she sleeps? Why I can’t give her the family she and I both want. Give me one reason I should keep trying, when the compliments come as they are walking out the door. But let’s be friends…. lol

We all know the #1 thing men think about… SEX, SEX and more SEX… But is there any room left for other things? Well, here is a ‘Map to Understanding Men’ to use for your reference. I understand how frustrating you may find this image so, to all those hoping for the ‘domestic type’, please prepare yourself to be disappointed….