I HATE MEN

first off, you have to know that i am not female, i have the utmost respect for women, except two, and am disgusted at the male race.

my girlfriend seemed to only want to hang out with me when she had nothing to do, and would only talk to me if there was nobody else in the vicinity.

i completely trusted this person, who shall remain nameless, i let them know all my secrets, and this was the only person i ever felt i could be myself around.

when i look back, i realize that she always treated me like carpet, something to wipe her feet on.

after eleven months she invites me over, and as always, i canceled whatever i had planned that day so i could see her.

i arrive with roses, i wold always take a gift, and when i look back, i realize that she never even thought enough of me to thank me for the gifts.

after half an our of talking, she starts making sexual moves, and keeps trying to advance. i told her her i wasn’t ready, and still in pieces from my breakup two years earlier, which was completely true, so what she does is tells me to leave and never come back.
all of this she already knew, that i still wasn’t over my last relationship and wasn’t ready for sex.

the month, when i finally went outside, i hadn’t seen anyone else for a while,
i went to the park down the road. i started crying and just stayed there on the park bench for hours, at about 8 pm, the caretaker came up to me to ask what was wrong.

i told the entire thing to a complete stranger,
and it turns out that it was her cousin. he explained to me that she had been cheating on me the entire time. he even showed me a picture of him, the other boyfriend, he had been given by her

i tried to commit suicide that night, then after a few days in hospital, i was made to stay in a mental hospital for a month. i got out three days ago and can’t even bring myself to go outside. someone from the mental hospital comes every day and makes me food, makes sure i eat, and talks to me for a few hours, i haven’t actually spoken since i met the park caretaker.

i think one of the worst things she did, apart from break my heart, is every step of the way, she was telling my secrets, my most personal information, the things i wouldn’t even tell my diary, to all of her friends, every step of the way.

i haven’t spoken to anyone for a month, haven’t said anything to anyone over the internet either, all i have done is sit huddled up in a ball, not getting any sleep and staring into nothing, a white wall, while ignoring the worker from the mental hospital.

and here i am pouring my heart out to complete strangers.

i should just kill myself…

i am probably breaking rules on a massive scale, but read before you ban me:
i have always hated men, besides the fact i am one, they all treat me like something to take anger out on, and the only males who aren’t being mean to and abusing me are the ones who are hitting on me, they are kind people, but none of tem seem to like my personality or personality disorder (bipolar)

i don’t mind them to much,

i care alot about my wait and image and get upset really easy, and all the boys find this a reason to pick on me.

i have the utmost respect for woman, and what you have to put up with from men, and think it should stop.

i think, and alway have, that i should have been a female.

everyone thinks i’m freak and i’m considering the sex change operation, i have been thinking about this all year and really want to do it.
the million dollar question, should i do it?

i came here because i knew it would be the only place where someone might understand how i feel, i came here for help.

please don’t let me down, i will be grateful if anyone so much as reads this, let alone responds or replies.

-Nate