I HATE MEN

I don’t understand how one day your supposedly “best” friend can do a 180 and act like nothing is wrong with the friendship?

If you want to hear my situation…here goes:

My best friend and I have been having various arguments about little stuff that escalated into larger issues.  She recently has been seeing someone serious for about 2 months…“I know I know.  Not a long time at all.  My point exactly.” Anyways, she calls me up at least twice a week asking when we can get together and go out to have some fun.  I always let her know what is going on and my plans her words are this…”call me as soon as you get there and I’ll come over.” And I do.  The problem here is every time I call with plans she makes up an excuse. “Oh I’m dirty.” “He (the boyfriend) won’t want me to go.” or my favorite no response until the next day where she then says, “I didn’t hear my phone.” or “There was no reception.”

The problem I have is, “Why bother calling me and asking to hang out if every time an excuse has to be made?” The situation itself is crappy to be in, but it really is upsetting to me that we were “best” friends.  Out of all her “best” friends I was the ONLY one who showed up to her college graduation.  The ONLY one who showed up for her graduation dinner.  The ONLY one who wanted her to get together with her current boyfriend.  And the ONLY one who drove and hour and half to a party where I knew no one.

Last night, I called to see how her first day at her new job since she graduated went.

ring. ring. ring. ring. ring. voicemail.

Do you want to know the best part about that?  I knew for a fact that her boyfriend was on his way over to her house and she must have avoided my call.  “Doesn’t that sound crazy?” I left her message telling her exactly how I felt.  Her boyfriend called one of my friends and got on the subject of his girlfriend and our “fighting.”  He wanted to know why I wanted them to break up?  My friend said, “What are you talking about? She was the only one that thought you two would make a good couple.” He then went on to say well then why does she keep telling me that she wants her to go out without me.  My friend told him, “Listen, she calls her wanting to go out for a girls night and then breaks the plans at the last minute with stupid excuses because of you.”

Apparently, my “best” friend has gotten herself in a web of lies.  This morning I got a text message from my best and it said…”Work was great.  We should get pedicures this week.”  I couldn’t believe she didn’t listen to my message that I left her on voicemail because if she had I guarantee the text would have been a bit different.

to be continued…

This past weekend I went with a friend down to Ocean City, Maryland. The trip was very last minute and unexpected, but I figured why not go and have a good time. We drove down late Thursday night and didn’t get to her beach house until 1:30 am. We settled in, had a few drinks, listened to music, and eventually went to sleep.

Now, back home there is this guy who likes me and we’ve gone out on a few dates…he calls me, leaves me messages that say, “sweetie” and “honey,” which by the way kind of freak me out because we’ve only been on a few dates and the tone of his voice when he says those terms of endearment sound serious. Before I left for my trip this guy told me that he was really going to miss me.

Getting back to the Ocean City trip. The morning after we arrived we got up and got ready to go to the beach. As my phone rang. It was the guy back home. He called to tell me that all his friends were asking about me and wanted to know how the two of us were doing. Now, this guy is extremely nice…and maybe even too nice for me? (I’ll get back to that later.) I was shocked that his friends think that we are a “couple.” If you have read anything else that I have written…maybe it’s true that I could possibly still be on the rebound? I recently broke up with my ex, who I was with for 3 1/2 years. After he told me about his friends I told him that I had to go and get ready for the beach. He politely said, “No problem honey. Call me whenever you have a minute.”

For that moment I thought to myself, “what am I doing? what’s wrong with me? this guy would treat me great, but something is holding me back.” I let my thoughts drift off and enjoyed myself in the sun on the beach. After a few hours we went back to the house, got dressed for the night and went out to dinner. By the way if anyone is thinking about going to the beach, drinks are expensive! After dinner we walked on the boardwalk and came upon a bar called the, “Purple Moose” this is where the trip got interesting.

I walked in before my friend while they were checking her ID and looked around as I hear someone say, “what can I get you?” I turned around and saw the cutest bartender standing there with a smile on his face. I ordered their famous Pina Colada. He then said, “there are two seats over there.” So my friend and I walked over and sat down. As the night went on, the bartender would ask questions towards me in a flirtatious way. At first I thought he was being friendly like he was to other women in the bar, but then he introduced himself started to tell me that he was originally from an area close to where I’m from. He went on to ask where we were going the next night. At that time our plan was “Seacrets.” He was trying to convince us both to come back tomorrow night and that we would have more fun.

When we were about to leave he gave me my check…with a pen? I thought hmmm, I’m paying cash and he knew that…what’s the deal with the pen. He didn’t ask me for my number so I didn’t give it to him. We left and went back to the house.

The next night we ended up back at the Purple Moose. The bartender was completely shocked and with a huge smile and laughed, “I didn’t think I was ever going to see you again.” I laughed and smiled. During the night my friend walked away to the ladies room and the bartender came up to me and said, “So, you didn’t leave me your number last night?” My response was, “you didn’t ask?” He smiled and went to wait on customers. We were there dancing and having fun until 2 am. My friend told me that the one time I went to the restroom she wrote down my cell number and gave it to him and he put it right into his phone. We danced and had a good time until about 2 am. At 2 am my friend and I went up to the bar to get the tab. This bill was completely shy to what it should have been and at the bottom it had his phone number. As we were leaving he asked me if he could call me…I said, “absolutely.” Don’t forget that this bartender was not only hot, but seemed very sweet.

The next morning I woke up very slowly – due to the night before…ha. He called me and asked if I wanted to go on the boardwalk. What I really wanted to do was go on the beach and enjoy my last day in the sun – and that’s what I went on to tell him. Back to my friend. I told her that she could come with me. She was quick to respond, “NO.” She got mad that I would think about meeting up with someone I just met. At first I thought, “yea maybe I shouldn’t go?” But then I thought life is what you make of it and I was very attracted to this bartender and he seemed very nice…so I went anyways after we were verbally attacking each other.

Now we were on 25th street and he was on 6th so we were going to meet in the middle. I quickly got on with my other best friend who was back at home to tell her about the fight I just got in with the girl I was visiting with. I probably shouldn’t have even called her because we were having a fight for a while about stupid issues that would take me forever to explain, at least right now. Anyways, I was telling her about the entire situation with this guy that I met bar tending the past two nights. She brought up the guy from back home in the conversation. She went on to say these exact words, “You know what, you don’t even deserve a nice guy like that.” I couldn’t believe that she would say something like that completely out of spite. I know it was out of spite because of our ongoing fight we’ve been having. I told her that I’ve been so confused with men and that maybe I was still on the rebound. She then said, “Get off your high horse. You aren’t on the rebound.”

At that moment I felt as if I had no friends who cared about me. I felt like no one could possibly try to understand me. I got off the phone with her and told her that I wished her luck with her new job and not to worry about me even if she would and hung up. I called Jack (bartender), whom by the way met me on 12th street. We sat there and talked for a while about everything. While we were talking I didn’t hear my cell phone at all. 3 hours past before I looked at my phone. 2 voicemails, 3 text messages, and 6 missed calls…all from the same person, my friend who I was staying with. I quickly called her and said I would be at the house in 5 minutes. Jack called up his friend for me and we hopped in his car and he dropped me off. I actually beat her there. She walked into the house said nothing except, “as soon as I get out of the shower we can go.” Now, we were planning on leaving around that time anyways, but the tone of her voice was not what I expected.

Needless to say we got into the car in an uncomfortable situation. I felt bad, she was mad, and we had 4 hours together in a car. Overall the entire trip was quiet. Things got better the longer we were in the car together. We avoided everything that had to do with that weekend and the beach. When we pulled up to my place things were all better. We made plans for the week already and the upcoming weekend.

Overall, I would say that even though we got in a fight I was glad I took the risk to meet a great guy. Jack told me to visit anytime and wished that I hadn’t been leaving so shortly. My friend and I made plans to take a trip down at the end of July, lets just hope that there on no fights!

In regards to my other “best friend” I don’t think I’ll be taking time out of my day to call her and see how she is. When I told my other friend about my weekend and what my friend told me about being on the “rebound” she said it was false. She said it took her 3 years to get over her ex and I may very well be just looking around? I wish I knew if my feelings towards guys right now were what I truly feel or just “rebounds?”

Lately my dating life has been so confusing. A couple days ago I sat down on my couch to watch a movie and I honestly got a little depressed and thought to myself, “it would be nice to watch a movie with someone.” Now, don’t get me wrong dating is fun, but it’s…hard. I love meeting new people and having the exciting feeling in my stomach of the unexpected, but always wonder in the back of my mind, “where is this going?”

Like many women I am a huge planner. I love to know what’s going on – when, where, why…etc. My love life is the only thing that I don’t feel I have under control. It’s funny because as much as I feel alone sometimes I’m never alone. Problems I have been dealing with lately are my guy friends wanting more from me…more than just “friends.” I hate hurting anyone’s feelings, but I certainly don’t want anyone taking my friendship for granted.

There is a guy who I was seeing, and when I say was I mean our so called “friendship” will most likely be ending relatively shortly. Not to sound like every woman in America, but the problem really is him this time. The personality is good, but his overall demeanor is shall I say, “immature.” I’m a senior in college and ready to be independent. I don’t even think this guy is ready to do his own laundry, let alone move out of his parents house. He also has so – called commitment issues? and at the age of 20 never had a serious relationship?

So, when I saw that their was a blog out there about “hating men” I decided to check it out. I, just like the owner of this blog don’t hate men at all, in fact, “I wish I could find the right man.” My best friend just got into a serious relationship with a guy who we both went to school with and even though the guy she is seeing I personally don’t think is “right” for her, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t extremely happy for her. She too had her fair share of “losers” in the past.

I tell my close friends about all my experiences I have dating and most times they say, “when the right guy comes along you will know.” I just wish I knew when? I’m the kind of person who is very independent. When I know what I want I will do everything I can to get it. Sometimes in the past that has been my downfall, so now I am just going to let the pieces fall as they may and hope for the best. In the meantime I will enjoy spending time with my family and friends.

First I want to say I DON’T hate men just like the creator of this blog doesn’t. I do thing some men are pigs though. For instance, there was this guy that I had hooked up with, in the beginning it was definitely just a physical attraction. The more we talked the more I disliked him and the more he liked me. When I first met him we were talking and he mentioned that he had slept with 28 people in his 25 years of life. Personally I thought that was a lot.

About three or four weeks after our “hooking up” he came up to me telling me that he really liked me and could see himself falling in love with me. And that he would love me like no one has ever loved anyone before. He started to tear up and walk away after I politely told him as I had told him time and time again that all I felt was a friendship. The next day I was have a girly day at the mall with my best friend and her boyfriend who is really good friends with the guy I hooked up with and told her something that I needed to know.

My initial reaction was fear of course because I had no idea of what news I was going to hear. My best friend told me that the number that I was told was way off…28 people he slept with turned into 62!

At that moment I felt sick to my stomach, tears filling my eyes, and complete betrayal. I thought to myself, “Could someone be that disrespectful?” At that moment I walked out of the store I was shopping in picked up my cell phone called the guys phone and left an assertive message telling him he needed to call me back. My friend and I hopped in my car as my cell phone rang. I sat in the driver’s seat parked in the lot infuriated and completely torn apart.

The first thing I said was, “ You lied to me about how many women you slept with.” The next thing he said is where I completely lost it when he said, “Now you know what it feels like to be hurt.” I could not believe someone would be so ignorant enough to say that, especially someone who the night before spilled all their feelings to me. I told him that how I hurt him and how he hurt me are irrelevant. His whole demeanor over the phone was cocky and proud of his track recorded. He even had the nerve to say to me, “what is the difference between what I told you and what it really is?” I yelled, “34!”

My best friend and I switched seats and she drove my car home. She called her boyfriend and told her everything that happened and his reaction was, “Love hurts.” At that point I felt all men are pigs even though it’s not all, but at the time I was hurt so badly. Later that night around 11:00pm my cell rang. I look at the caller ID and it was the jerk. I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t want to have anything to do with him, but I answered.

I said, “Hello?” He responded with the same and said that he regrets a lot of things in life, but doesn’t regret what him and I had. I told him that, “ I was just another check on your list and you happened to fall for me to your surprise and now you feel like an idiot and that the apology meant nothing.” He then had the courage to yell at me and say he didn’t have to defend what he did. My response was, “I’m not the one who called, I didn’t even want to hear your voice again.”

The arguing continued for a little while, then I got sick of it and did not have to put up with it. I told him I had to get up early for work and didn’t need to get upset again before I go to sleep. So ladies and gentlemen when you think someone is being honest and genuine think twice you could get hurt.