I HATE MEN – 100,000 members strong

I received this e-mail from a visitor on my site…

They all think I’m a pretty face without a heart. No matter what I do my heart gets yanked out, stepped on and thrown to the wolves. Today I vowed never to ever date another man again. Yes, it means I’ve turned to women. With women I can see heartbreak coming but with men, it just slams into me like ton of bricks and I’m left standing there angry, sad and broken.
No more. F**k them. Their loss.

I feel the need to respond.

For those of you who are new to the site, I am ‘a better woman’. I took over as the administrator of ihatemen.org in October 2007, and am trying to gear this site towards helping women to gain happiness…I just want it to be a fun site overall. A place where we can share our experiences, words of wisdom and of course laughter.

In regards to the e-mail:

First, men may see you as a pretty face without a heart because you are wearing that on your sleeve…if your heart has been hurt in the past, you may be making that more obvious than you think. Often after being hurt it is easier for us to act cold hearted rather than really dealing with what has hurt us. If we take the time to working through the pain, then we are able to become a stronger person.

Vowing never to date men every again is a cop out. I know nothing about dating women, but I do know that women can be just as conniving, manipulative, controlling, disloyal, and hurtful as men.

On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust WOMEN! – H.L. Mencken

I think that you first need to address the issues you have with yourself before you try to get into any relationship…whether it be with a man or a woman. I believe that if you are in touch with your own feelings and emotions, you will be better able to read the feelings and emotions of those around you, and in turn see heartbreak coming. And if you are in tune emotionally, and you & your partner are open and honest the possibility of heartbreak will greatly diminish.

I sat last night watching Sex and the City, and began to ponder as Carrie Bradshaw posed the question…

“What constitutes cheating?”

This is a very interesting questions to me because I thought that cheating was clearly defined…but as I listened to the four New York City women debate back and forth and take into consideration testosterone, hormones, and emotions it becomes clear to me that the lines have blurred, and everyone has their own idea of what constitutes cheating.

I personally take Charlotte’s side and I will not tolerate cheating. I believe that cheating is not only the defiance of sexual monogamy, but also emotional monogamy. We are all familiar with the common forms of infidelity, but cheating can be verbal as well as physical. In my opinion flirting is one thing, but dinner, movies, or long phone conversations with someone you are attracted to is just as damaging as infidelity, even though no sexual relations have been made.

Is it necessary that once in a committed relationship, the spectrum of cheating be defined by both parties, and an equal understanding be present? Then in this case, cheating would be any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship, which may or may not include sexual monogamy.

Is fidelity not expected in all relationships these days? Maybe, cheating CAN NOT be put in absolute terms. Carrie suggest there is a Cheating Curve. Basically saying that how people define cheating is in direct proportion to how much they want to cheat…

Whether you call it moral relativism or quantum cheating…I think Carrie might have something here. I define cheating very strictly because I have no desire to cheat. For those who like a little action on the side, their translation of cheating may be more loosely defined.

Samantha holds that cheating is human nature and those who do it should be forgiven. Does Samantha only maintain this as human nature because she herself cheats? It is very likely. Worse yet, there are those that regard it as cheating only if you get caught. Is cheating the proverbial tree in the forest? It doesn’t exist if no one is around to catch you.

Moral relativism may be the only means to define cheating. I believe it is fair to say that cheating is relative to social, cultural, and personal circumstances… No Universal Standard Exist. So, whether polyamorous or monogamous, the boundaries to which people agree vary widely. Sometimes these boundaries evolve within each relationship, and by discussing boundaries we will find if similar values exist to move on to a healthy relationship.

In the new book What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love and Marriage, author Amy Sutherland explains how secrets from animal trainers can help us deal in life and love relationships.  Here are 6 genius love-life tips that we could all learn from.

1. Accept that some things may never change.  “A trainer thinks twice about teaching an animal something that goes against its instinct–good luck getting a raccoon not to wash its food,” says Sutherland.
2. Ignore the behavior you don’t want.  If a trainer ask for a flip but gets a jump, he responds with a head-to-toe poker face, because any reaction reinforces the behavior.  So if your mate responds or acts in a way you don’t like, it is better to do nothing at that time then jump into the situation, and fuel the fire.  For instance, your mates temper flares, and you jump in, generally this only fuels his/her temper.  Exercise self-control at moments like this and they will look for new (hopefully positive) ways to get you attention.
3. Make sure to compliment the behavior you do want.  Remember, the bigger the effort he makes, the bigger the reward should be.
4. Don’t blame yourself when he behaves badly.  Good animal trainers don’t take it personally when an animal won’t sit and stay–behavior is just behavior.  Stop asking why they are doing something to you, and instead ask why were they doing it.  Maybe they are doing something because it is easy or makes sense to them, and not because they don’t love you.
5. Pick your moments wisely.  While at training school, students learn not to work with snakes while they are molting, because the snakes are more likely to bite.  The same goes for humans.  Don’t try and reason with someone when either of you are sick, distracted, tired, hungry or grouchy.  If you do, be prepared to get snapped at.
6. Keep your mate happy.  Withholding food was once a popular technique with dolphin trainers.  Today, however, handlers know that denying the animal does not inspire positive change.  “Resist giving the cold shoulder and cutting off affection,” says Sutherland.  Use positive feedback to inspire positive change.

If you never had a jealous boyfriend, you are so lucky.

Some years back I had the joy of experiencing a jealous boyfriend. I had my phone looked at daily, even smashed a few, and after we were separated he broke into my wireless account online and started calling numbers that he didn’t know. I got a phone call from my friend Kel who’s brother had answered their house phone. My ex started verbally harassing Kel’s brother…he ended up telling my ex-boyfriend off.

In the eyes of my ex-boyfriend, if I talked to another guy I must have been sleeping with him. Yet, it was okay that he had girls calling him all the time and giving him rides when he couldn’t drive. I never looked at his phone because I trusted him… I wanted him to give me the same respect. Later, I found out that he cheated on me many times…with a lot of the girls I suspected. Every time I confronted him of cheating, he shot down my accusations and assured me they were only friends. I guess what upset me the most was that he was telling me he loved me so much and cared about me so much, but he was sleeping with all these other girls…I realized he didn’t care about me, since it was so obvious that he did not care about my welfare.

One day I finally stood up for myself…I had a hunch that he was cheating on me with this one girl, but I didn’t know for sure. I use to have lunch with him weekly at his work, and when I went to his work, this girl was there eating lunch with him instead of me. I was so upset! I pulled him aside to have a serious conversation about what was going on. He just got smart with me, so I slapped him across the face, and went over and pushed her. It was certainly childish, but it felt so good. I was only 20 years old at the time…looking back I would never do that again. If I had to do it again I would have broke up with him ages before this happen, but we all learn from our mistakes.

I really don’t get why people become jealous…if you love them, then you love them. If you don’t, you don’t. There is no reason to be jealous. Obviously if you don’t have the same feeling for your partner, you should tell them as to not hurt them, but if there is a mutual love what is the problem.

No matter what, we will all have to converse with others in our life…and it is inevitable that we will encounter the opposite sex on a regular basis. As I wrote in an earlier post, relationships that last have the qualities that endure, such as kindness, intelligence, honesty, patience, and vibrancy. I think a relationship with these qualities can overcome the thoughts of jealousy.

Thinking about jealousy, I am reminded of a song, Hold On Loosely by 38 Special. Can men take their advice:

It’s so damn easy, when your feelings are such
To overprotect her, to love her too much
And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago
Who told me,
Just Hold On Loosely, but don’t let go
If you cling to tightly,
you’re gonna lose control
Your baby needs someone to believe in
And a whole lot of space to breathe in

Don’t let her slip away
Sentimental fool
Don’t let your heart get in her way

I think they are saying it is fine to love a woman with all your heart, but don’t let your feeling take over to try to control every aspect of her life… Women are not a possession, and are not meant to be controlled…they are meant to be respected. When men try to control women and respect is lost, these women often lose self-respect. We must remember that how our lives go depends on whether we respect ourselves. I came to realized how important self-respect is after I had lost it.

It is difficult to maintain your own self-respect when others do not respect you. It is part of everyday wisdom that respect and self-respect are deeply connected, that it is difficult if not impossible both to respect others if we don’t respect ourselves and to respect ourselves if others don’t respect us.

When someone is constantly putting you down and trying to make you feel like you are nothing and worthless, you start to lose yourself. You become so confused and start questioning who you really are. I was called dumb, stupid, fat, superficial, a whore, a slut, a bitch…the list goes on. I knew it wasn’t true, but when you keep hearing things from someone that you loved and respected, it really makes you question whether or not it is true. As a person’s self-respect breaks down they become more vulnerable to being manipulated, and struggle to maintain their true identity.

I was lost for a very long time, but I was able to find myself with the help of my family and close friends. They helped me to realized how strong, intelligent, creative, motivated and independent I really am. I regained my attitude that “I can do anything if I put my mind to it, and I really want it.” I finally felt put back together. I strived in school, and started being able to not only help myself, but to help others again. I was able to look in the mirror and feel beautiful again. I ate healthy, and took care of my body, and took much time for myself to do all the things I’ve been missing and always enjoyed. Being able to respect myself is what helped me to stop bad habits, get my life back together and helped me to stand up for my opinion, values, and what mattered most to me.

As Ginny (Katherine Hepburn) says in Love Affair:

“The trick in life isn’t getting what you want, my dear, it’s wanting it after you get it.”

I live my life happily, knowing everything that I have worked hard to get is something that I truly wanted. As for my ex-boyfriend, he got all those girls he thought he wanted, but in the end all he really wanted was me…unfortunately for him that is something he will never get.

I was seeing this one guy for a while. At first our relationship was very phone-based since our schedules always conflicted. We were able to talk on the telephone almost every night, and we got together occasionally by meeting up at a bar. (No, I did get introduced to him at a bar.)

He never picked me up when we went out, we never even went out to dinner together. Every time we were suppose to do something like go for a bike ride or just stay in and watch a movie, he stood me up at least 50 percent of the time, and sometimes he would fall off the face of the Earth for months at a time. Over the few years we talked, I came to like him very much since I learned so much about him as a person, but I also came to realize it was not worth it.

This was a very draining relationship, and I was the only one getting hurt. I would get upset every time he stood me up, and feel like there was something wrong with me. I have come to realize it is not me. I am sorry, but you can’t have your cake and eat it too. It is his loss that he missed spending time with me. If you give a guy more than enough chances and he still keeps messing up…he has to go!

To keep this from happening we have to remember to stay positive, and motivated. Make plans with people you can count on, and people who care about you. The people that care about you are the people that will be willing to make time for you.

Don’t let yourself get taken advantage. Your time is important to you. If you are busy, and the guy is giving you the “now or never” ultimatum…tell them never. If they are not willing to work with you to find a mutual time, they really don’t care about you or your priorities. The guy that has the attitude of “I don’t want to keep you from getting your stuff done” is the kind of guy you should look for, keep, and appreciate.

The bottom line is don’t let yourself get walked all over…stand up for you. Make “you” a priority in your life, and make time for those who care about you. Treat people as you would like to be treated, if they can’t give you the same respect then they don’t deserve yours.

You want to find someone that appreciates you, and who you appreciate. Someone that you can share fun times with, and if time becomes an issue, both of you are willing to work together to make time for each other. For example, if both of you had a crazy week and got lots to do, why not meet up at the laundry mat. While the clothes are washing, you can get a bite to eat, run errands together, or just go for a relaxing walk. Even folding clothes together can be fun, or interesting to say least. Remember, there is nothing wrong with helping someone out, just don’t let yourself get taken advantage of…that is key.

I have learned a great lesson recently. All the physical characteristics I thought I hated about men were just person specific…it is the person and personality, not their physical characteristics that make me like or dislike a man. Attraction is only one part of what is needed to make a relationship work.

We all have pet peeves or so called things that we hate about men…such as a bald head, hairy chest, back hair, bad breath, a big nose, bad teeth…the list goes on. I have my own annoyances as well, and they are often the excuse I use when I break-off a short term relationship. I find a new guy, I date him for a few weeks or less, and then I just stop seeing him because I don’t like him.

My mom ask me why did I break up with so and so, he was “so nice”. I say because I didn’t like him, and she ask “why?” so I pick one of the notorious characteristics, such as “his chest was hairy,” but really I don’t mind a hairy chest on a man I like.

There was really so many things about so and so, that bothered me…it was just easier to say that instead of hurting his feelings.

Is it better to simplify the breakup, or should I totally pick the guy apart and tell him exactly how I feel to his face, and possible hurt his self esteem? I mean I wasn’t in love with him or anything like that, I just didn’t like him.

Maybe it is better to be completely honest the first time that they do something you don’t like. Should I have told him blatantly that I can’t stand that he listens to Guns N’ Roses 24-7, and I need to listen to something else or it is over. If we do things like this are we automatically labeled a bitch or in my case maybe a picky bitch?

What ever happen to telling someone exactly how you feel? Have I gotten so caught up with not wanting to hurt feelings, that I simply choose not to bombard them with everything that bothers me?

I guess it comes down to personal opinion, I may not like it, but it is just my opinion. I mean, it is not against the law to idealize Axel Rose, I just think it is really weird.

The better question is after a few weeks of dating, do I really know this guy enough to tear him to shreds…usually I do not. So this is probably why I don’t tell him all the stuff, and instead I just just tell him I don’t like him or I’m not ready for a relationship, when I really am, or I pick one mild problem that “really” bothers me versus telling him:

I hate your hair, your gut is huge for your age, no one listens to GNR anymore, you suck in bed, your nose is huge, your eyes creep me out, you are dull and boring and have no personality, you are cheap, you are obsessed with a car that is a piece of Japanese junk and it does not look like a spaceship, you eat too much and you do not eat healthy at all for being a supposed health freak, for lifting weights everyday I can’t tell, I don’t like your teeth, you’re a sloppy kisser, you don’t take care of your finger nails and your toe nails are gross, and it is so freakin’ weird that you have a poster size picture of yourself on your bedroom wall…didn’t you ever hear of Jenny McCarthy?

If I told him all this would he change at all or just call me a bitch? I mean is it my place to tell him what I think is wrong with him…maybe some girl might like him for who he is?

I guess what I’m trying to say is that all the things we say we hate about men, might just be what we hate about a certain man, and not men in general.

Be open minded and you might find love in a not so likely place, or with an unlikely prospect.

I am sure many of you are here because you “hate men“, but do you really hate all men or just a few that pissed you off.

Well maybe not the best question, but I personally do not hate men. If you have read a little about me you will find that I am single, but I certainly do not want to be single forever. I have picked wrong guys in the past, so now I am more choosy when looking for a new man.

The New Year is approaching, so lets start fresh.

First you need to take care of yourself…really what nice guys wants a girl that is falling apart. Get your career on track, manage your money well, find new interest or pick up an old one (interest not habit), start exercising, eat well, and take time for you. I mean seriously, how are you going to have a healthy relationship if you’re not healthy.

For the fresh start I think it is best to clean up the past. Apologies to those you wronged, take responsibility for what you have done and do what is necessary to make it better, and eliminate activities and relationships that drain you.

Now it is time to find Mr. Right.

No Comfort Zone Allowed
Get out of your comfort zone and start meeting people. Go to new places, and make new friends. It is also a good idea to know what you are looking for so you don’t waste your time or anyone else’s time. If you don’t like kids, and the guy has three it’s best to not get involved.

Communication Skills
When you are out, pay attention to how you communicate with others. Communication is important in every relationship, so make sure you listen well and speak what you mean. It is also important to focus on now…don’t let yourself get caught up in the past.

Be Open Minded
When you are looking for Mr. Right, you don’t need to have everything in common…look for someone that has several shared interest with you. You don’t need to do everything together.

I use to think that the color of someone’s hair, how much they weigh, or how tall they were was a non-negotiable requirement…I have come to learn it was what I thought I wanted. Remember it is not all about looks, or even having similar interest…there is much more to a relationship than that.

Relationship Requirements

To have a lasting relationship find someone with similar values.

Chemistry is a must. Just remember attraction alone is not enough to sustain a relationship.

In order to get love right, you need to choose someone you admire and respect. A love of equals.

Find someone with purpose to their lives. Then support each other and help each other achieve goals.

Find someone you trust. Build trust with each other and gain emotional safety.

Share a healthy self esteem to build a good strong relationship. Let your partner know they matter, are important in the world, and have much to contribute.

Find and give support for your life, plans, and dreams.

Remember, relationships that last have the qualities that endure, such as kindness, intelligence, honesty, patience, and vibrancy.

Happy Dating!

There are only 5 days left until Christmas, and knowing how many men wait until the last minute, I thought I would give you some help in finding the right gift for your girlfriend. Here are some holiday gift ideas…an effort on my part so that your woman won’t hate you.

There is no cookie cutter approach to gift buying, and a digital camera is not always the right gift. I know it is difficult, but now more than every is the time to listen to what your woman is saying because I am sure she is dropping hints like crazy.

If you are clueless on a gift, you must ask yourself…what kind of woman is she? Is she a glamour girl, an athlete, a romantic, a movie buff, or maybe just a really hard-working woman? Does she love to cook, or does she always have a book in her hand? Do you have to drag her away from another episode of Law & Order, or Grey’s Anatomy when it is way past bedtime? Thinking about all of these things can help you clue in on what to get that special woman in your life.

Also remember to take into consideration where you both are at in the relationship…is it something new, maybe new and serious? maybe you are at the 6 months to 1 year stage, and you really like her? Or has this relationship been in the works for a very long time, and love is a word often used? You most definitely do not want to buy an inappropriate gift, such as an expensive ring for a new beau.

No matter what you decide on, make sure that the gift came from the heart and you were really thinking about the woman in your life when you picked it out, and not what the salesperson was telling you she would like. While there is a good chance the salesperson maybe be right, often they are thinking about how they can make more money on a desperate guy that doesn’t know what to buy his girlfriend or wife.

Okay so here are some ideas…

For the glamour girl a nice bottle of perfume, a gift certificate for a manicure or pedicure at her favorite salon, a NY shopping spree on you, or that piece of jewelry she’s been asking for from Tiffany’s.

Favorite fragrance picks: Chanel Coco Mademoiselle, Chanel Chance, Estee Lauder Pleasures, Calvin Klein Euphoria, Paris Hilton for Woman, Clinique Happy

Lets talk jewelry, or rather let’s talk Tiffany’s…but seriously I have chosen seven pieces of jewelry that would make any woman happy. Yes, they are all from Tiffany & Co., but four of these seven items are under $200.

Favorite jewelry picks under $200: Return to Tiffany pendant, Return to Tiffany heart tag charm bracelet, Elsa Peretti open heart ring and the silver graduated bead necklace.

Here are two suggestions for those in a more serious commitment…they would make a great gift for the Tiffany & Co. lover.

Favorite jewelry picks $500-$800: Tiffany Somerset diamond ring ($475) and the Cultured fresh water pearl with silver Tiffany toggle ($795)

If you are ready to pop the big questions, and your girl is not into traditional diamonds, dazzle her with a colored stones. You can often get a much larger stone at a more reasonable price than a diamond, and they are certainly eye catching. The ring I picked is actually a diamond, but you can find many gemstones similar in size and character to this ring.

Favorite engagement ring pick: 16.16 carat Fancy Intense Yellow diamond rested in a hand crafted Tiffany setting.

For your athletic girl a rejuvenating massage, that workout outfit or sneaker she has pig-eared in her Fitness Mag (a gift card to the sporting good store is always a safe play), an iPod, or if she has one why not get her the Nike + iPod Sport Kit. If she is a real sports fanatic get tickets to one of her favorite games…an upcoming hockey, or basketball game or if you really want to splurge why not get her playoffs tickets to see her favorite football team kick some butt.

Favorite picks: Nike + iPod Sport Kit, hockey tickets Philadelphia Flyers Game, an ice wrap for muscle pain, PecheBlu sports flip flops

If you girl is the romantic type it might be as easy as a romantic night out or even a romantic night in. A romantic night out at her favorite restaurant, then tickets to something she really wants to see. If you can cook treat her to a romantic candle light dinner at home.

Favorite picks: Dinner at the Tavern On The Green, horse carriage ride through Central Park, theater tickets to Phantom of the Opera or Les Miserables

Buying for the movie buff might be difficult if she owns every movie out there, but there are new movies coming out every week. Another idea is to start replacing her favorite VHS movies with their DVD counterparts. You can often find box sets of movies at a reasonable price. For the TV series addict, get her a box set or the latest season of her favorite series.

Favorite picks: The Audrey DVD Collection, The Exorcist – Complete Anthology, Bogie and Bacall – The Signature Collection, Gone with the Wind – Four Disc Collector’s Edition, Sex and the City, Grey’s Anatomy, Law and Order, CSI

If your girlfriend is a book worm, why not complete one of her collections or get her a book of interest.

Favorite picks: Good Dog. Stay. by Anna Quindlen, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey, Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity, How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie, The Little Black Book of Style by Nina Garcia, Any thing by Nicholas Sparks or Candace Bushnell.

Now I can go on with many other gifts that you can get for your “sweet ass gal”, but you get the idea. Listen to what she has to say, ensure that it is appropriate, that it meets her needs and her interest…yes, it is that simple.

If times are hard and you don’t have the money to get her what she really wants, just give her all the love you have to give, and do what ever you can to make her holiday a great one. I am sure that she will do the same.

Happy Holidays!

After receiving a comment from “What does it matter?” in regards to my post 30 Harsh Things A Woman Can Say… I decided to address body confidence.

From the comments made by “What does it matter?” it is obvious that body confidence is not only an issue to women, but also to men.  We are our own worst critics, but harsh words are often spoken from people that we care about very much.  Let us all embrace the attitude of “So what if I look different?  I am the same person.”

Tyra Banks, the woman who started the movement “So What!” reminds us “that accentuating the positive goes a long way towards realizing our potential.”  Tyra believes that affirmations can make a huge difference in boosting your self-confidence.  “Look into the mirror and find one thing that you love about yourself and say it aloud.  The next day, find another thing and accentuate that.  Repeat these statements over and over, and you’ll eventually start to realize they’re true.”

Remember to take time for yourself to relax and stay healthy.  Set some time aside each day for yourself to find a quiet place where you can shake off the stress of the day.

I wish all of my visitors a great holiday!

Sincerely,

A Better Woman

This is a screen shot of the most recent visitors map to ihatemen.org.

Why does it appear that more people on the East Coast hate men than on the West Coast?

So I did some research and came across this map indicating areas where there are more single men or more single woman.

On the West Coast there seems to be more single men in many of the areas, with the largest male population in the areas of Los Angeles-Long Beach- Santa Ana urban area. This area has 40,000 more single men than women.

On the East Coast it is quite the opposite, with the largest female population in the areas of New York-Newark, NY, NJ-CT urban area. This area has 185,000 more single women than men.

Ladies maybe we should move out to Cali to even up the playing field…

I’m sure there are many more reasons why the majority of visitors to my site are from the East Coast, according to my friend at Public Gym, he says “that’s cuz men on the east coast are dickheads, the men on the west coast are laid back and chill.”

Why do you think that so many people that search “i hate men” are from the east coast? I’d like to hear your reasoning.

As a woman who hates drama, I try to avoid it at all cost.

Now when I was younger (from lets say 18 – 21) that was not the case. If someone messed with me I came back with a vengeance. I would just react and get right in their face…I did not take the time to think things out and then respond. For me this is something that I just grew out of I guess. As I got older I came to realize what kind of impression I was making on others when I acted like that because otherwise I was an intelligent and organized young woman.

I bring all of this up because I was out one night recently and saw a young woman who reminded me of myself. She was a cute girl and was having a good time with her boyfriend (I’m assuming). They were both really cute together and just having fun…it was obvious as they held hands, hugged each other, and laughed together.

There was another man who I guess liked this girl, was jealous or just wanted to cause problems. Well he started ‘talking shit’ about this couple…more so directed at the girl. Well let me tell you this girl got heated…she was spazzing out. She wanted to beat up this guy…it took two guys and another girl to hold her back. They took her outside to calm her down, but let me tell you if people in the bar weren’t talking about her before, they definitely were by the time her friends got her outside. She got upset because one guy was talking about her, but she left there having the whole bar talking about her.

In this situation I would either:

A. Ignore the guy

B. Come back with a witty comment

You never want to bring any negative attention to yourself. So, if you ignore the guy he usually only get more angry and loud and hopefully he will get kicked out. If you come back with a witty comment it makes you feel good about yourself and puts the guy in his place. A bonus with this is that if your come back was really good you end up getting people in the bar and even his friends laughing at him.

Advice from a better woman: I am not saying that A. or B. are your only options, but what I am saying is that you should not let anyone push your buttons.  When you start to get upset or angry take a deep breath, walk away from the situation if you need to, or just ignore them and have yourself a good time.  Go dance with your friends, shoot a game of pool or darts, play some of your favorite music on the jukebox, and before you know it you won’t even think twice about what some jerk was saying or doing.

If they will not leave you alone and it is becoming a problem just let the bartender know…it is always best to let a sober person with some authority in the place know what is going on and if necessary handle the situation.

Why does my life have to be so confusing?  I guess it is because I let it get to that point…

Did you ever have that “I think I love someone, but I’m not sure if they love me back” thing going on…  I mean you are not seeing one another, it’s more of just a friend thing, but to you it is more…well maybe even to both of you there is more, but at the same time there is always that catch…  kids, relationships, time, family, money, distance…the list goes on.

I find myself stuck in one of these situations…so I am totally confused to begin with, but of course it gets more complicated.

Why is it that whenever you find someone that you really like and the feeling seems to be mutual that “the other guy” the one that you gave up on, the nothing more than a friend starts pursuing you almost daily?

“The other guy”, he is a crazy fun friend, and always a blast to hang out with, but I knew there were complications written all over this one…so I ignored his phone calls, until yesterday.  So what happens…I end up in an awkward situation.  He needed me to help him out, which is fine…I love being there for my friends, but then he wants to take it to another level.  I guess this is when reality set in about how much I really like my “more than a friend”…not that I didn’t know it before, it was just this time it was one of those sick to my stomach, very upset, very uncomfortable kinda feelings.  I wanted to leave, but I did not want to upset my drunken friend who at times has a short temper and who often ends up getting himself in trouble.  (Yeah I just seem to attract them.)

I try to think smart…give myself a reason to have to leave (like parking my car illegally).  I’ll go in real quick, check out his new house and leave…I thought it would work, but then he gets to that point…he’s generally a sweetheart, but at times he can be so controlling and demanding, and I must say that I will not tolerate any of that.  I was nice the whole time, but I started to get disgusted…I was tired and I just wanted to go home.  So I left and I know he was mad, but I did not want to be there…he asked me what he could do so that I would hang out with him for a little…my response: “respect me”.  Well I did not get any respect from him that night and so maybe I lost a friend, but he was not a good one if he couldn’t abide by my one request.

I spent the drive home crying and racking my brain on what the hell I can do.  I mean I really didn’t do anything wrong, but I know the way it probably looked.  Leaving a guys house at 1am in my pajamas to my illegal parked car…

Now what I am most upset about is that I think I really upset or just disgusted my “more than a friend” that I am absolutely crazy about…

So in one night I lost my crazy fun friend, and possibly the man that I want to be with.

Any advice?