I HATE MEN

Why does my life have to be so confusing?  I guess it is because I let it get to that point…

Did you ever have that “I think I love someone, but I’m not sure if they love me back” thing going on…  I mean you are not seeing one another, it’s more of just a friend thing, but to you it is more…well maybe even to both of you there is more, but at the same time there is always that catch…  kids, relationships, time, family, money, distance…the list goes on.

I find myself stuck in one of these situations…so I am totally confused to begin with, but of course it gets more complicated.

Why is it that whenever you find someone that you really like and the feeling seems to be mutual that “the other guy” the one that you gave up on, the nothing more than a friend starts pursuing you almost daily?

“The other guy”, he is a crazy fun friend, and always a blast to hang out with, but I knew there were complications written all over this one…so I ignored his phone calls, until yesterday.  So what happens…I end up in an awkward situation.  He needed me to help him out, which is fine…I love being there for my friends, but then he wants to take it to another level.  I guess this is when reality set in about how much I really like my “more than a friend”…not that I didn’t know it before, it was just this time it was one of those sick to my stomach, very upset, very uncomfortable kinda feelings.  I wanted to leave, but I did not want to upset my drunken friend who at times has a short temper and who often ends up getting himself in trouble.  (Yeah I just seem to attract them.)

I try to think smart…give myself a reason to have to leave (like parking my car illegally).  I’ll go in real quick, check out his new house and leave…I thought it would work, but then he gets to that point…he’s generally a sweetheart, but at times he can be so controlling and demanding, and I must say that I will not tolerate any of that.  I was nice the whole time, but I started to get disgusted…I was tired and I just wanted to go home.  So I left and I know he was mad, but I did not want to be there…he asked me what he could do so that I would hang out with him for a little…my response: “respect me”.  Well I did not get any respect from him that night and so maybe I lost a friend, but he was not a good one if he couldn’t abide by my one request.

I spent the drive home crying and racking my brain on what the hell I can do.  I mean I really didn’t do anything wrong, but I know the way it probably looked.  Leaving a guys house at 1am in my pajamas to my illegal parked car…

Now what I am most upset about is that I think I really upset or just disgusted my “more than a friend” that I am absolutely crazy about…

So in one night I lost my crazy fun friend, and possibly the man that I want to be with.

Any advice?