[23/f] so is [27/m], he cheated 1 yr ago, I’m not over it
My SO and I go to the same University. So does the woman he cheated on me with. We worked through this last March when it happened. We rebuilt trust, communication. We recognized how afraid of losing each other we are. Thing is, I have another year at this University and I see her in the halls all the time. She even has the same major as me. I can't stop scripting horrible things to say/ do to her, and I feel like seeing her all the time is driving me insane and not allowing me to let this go. Any Advice?
TL;DR: SO cheated, I see the girl all the time. Advice for how to cope.
submitted by cat
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Tags: relationship advice
If you think you are over it you should be able to deal with this. I have been cheated on and been mad at the other woman and now that I am older I do not understand why I was angry with her and not with HIM. I hope you will get a better suggestion but if you see her all the time and can’t change your schedule to avoid her you have to learn to deal with it and let your anger go. Good luck.
I think your animosity is a bit misplaced. The fact that you choose to antagonize that woman instead of your boyfriend shows that you are jealous. Whether that’s because you’re truly angry at your boyfriend but taking it out on her to preserve the relationship, or you’re jealous of how he so callously chose her over you and the fact that you see her every day is a constant reminder of that is irrelevant. The fact is you clearly aren’t over it because it still bothers you. This is a huge issue as it’s been so long since it happened. This tells me that you’re very protective of your boyfriend probably because you don’t trust that he won’t do it again. This is completely understandable and I as a person that finds cheating inexcusable would have ended it long ago. I can’t help but question your boyfriend’s loyalty. You said you guys agreed that you fear losing eachother, but ask yourself – if he cared so much about not losing you, why would he cheat in the first place? Seems like a contradiction with the motivation he claims to have in my opinion. If I were you I would really question whether or not the heartache is worth this guy. The fact that it still bothers you means it is clear that you no longer trust him and trust is vital in every relationship. If this feeling hasn’t gone away in a year it will more than likely persist for the duration of the relationship. Getting away from this girl or coping with the feeling seeing her gives you is ignoring your heart and your instincts. If you don’t trust him anymore (and in my opinion you shouldn’t) get out of that relationship as soon as you can. Prolonging it will only make the pain worse.