I just don’t get it!
So I guess I’m here for the same reason anyone else here is ; we have some sort of problem with a guy or guys in general.
Man, it’s so hard to deal with them! They always act so pervy and I HATE HOW THEY HYPERSEXUALIZE EVERYTHING. Like, I am a total advocate of everyone, women and men alike, looking and feeling their best. I am not a jealous person, I want everyone to look as gorgeous as possible. But what I don’t like is this constant horndog shit. It makes me so uncomfortable! Not only that, but so many guys associate beauty with how available/ready someone looks for sex. I think that has very little to do with how hot someone is, but that’s just my humble opinion I guess.
Men make it so images of women are so hypersexualized it’s ridiculous. You can’t look anywhere without having breasts or ass shoved in your face. And the thing is, it’s not like I hate breasts and ass. I love the human body, and the female form is totally beautiful. What sicks me out is how a lot of these images are kinda laid out like meat, or a circus act, or a freakshow curiosity. It’s so like OBJECTIFIED, ya know?
I want sex to be all sacred and special and beautiful and stuff and guys just totally wipe their butts with it!! And SO MANY GUYS think women owe them something! Like, an example I can use is that show King of Queens. Yeah, it’s just a show, but people are influenced, at least a little bit, by everything they watch, even if it’s fantasy. This show is clearly a fantasy, because the husband is fat, ugly, unintelligent and not funny. The wife is pretty attractive and she seems like she works hard. Still, he’s always acting like a pig and she needs to find new ways to “please” him, to be “sexy” for him. Dude, she’s already pretty and works hard, what more do you want, fatty?! There’s a lot of shows and citcoms like that, where there’s a husband who’s totally ick who has a hot wife and that’s “still not enough”. What the hell ever, that’s ridiculous. I wouldn’t touch those guys with a ten foot pole.
But then, when you DO meet a guy who is : gorgeous, funny, smart, likes videogames and the same nerdy stuff you do… HE’S NOT THE “DATING TYPE”. He doesn’t want a girlfriend, he just wants to be a child and live with his parents forever. :/ Dude, nothing wrong with living with your parents. But, I’m sorry if this sounds horribly arrogant, I am one of the hottest girls I know, plus, I love videogames, movies, hanging out, eating food, and I love sex. Why don’t you want to date me? Or anyone, for that matter? :////
THEN, WHEN THE GUY YOU ADORE FINALLY DOES WANT TO DATE SOMEONE, it’s a girl who is more “girly” has less in common with him, and is the kind that once she’s “got” him, suddenly acts mean and he’s like “how did I end up with a bitch?” and you’re all, “GEE I DUNNO because you don’t want to date ME, because I’m ‘too much like a sister, or one of the guys’?” GOD, I HATE IT. Also, I’ve noticed a lot of women, as they age, have the capacity to keep looking hot, or at least nice and put together. GUYS AS THEY AGE get all fat and hairy (everywhere except on their head, that falls right out) and unkept and stuff. And as they get older, and their wife takes care of herself, they get pervier and pervier.
I work in a strip club (I live alone and am trying to get training so I can get a job and never look back at a place like that again, god I hate them) and like all the guys there are old, ugly, and have cute wives. But they come in and objectify young girls. They don’t respect any of us who work there, and if they say they do, they’re lying. There is no way you can respect someone and then pay them ten bucks to grind in your lap. Money combined with sex always leads to a lack of respect and dehumanization.
These guys come in, grabbing at us, saying disgusting things to us, and putting us down. Almost all my coworkers are absolutely beautiful (at least on the exterior) but these guys can manage to find something wrong with ANYONE. “You have tiny tits” a guy will say to a girl with normal sized boobs. “You’re fat” a guy will say to a girl who is curvy but DEFINITELY NOT FAT. Also, take note that he is not turned off enough by her flaws not to buy lapdances and try to stick his hands down her thong -_-. I just hate it so much, man. And I hate the idea of one day being married to a guy who goes into a strip club and makes young girls feel as depressed and scared of marriage as I do now. I hate that lack of respect so much. I hate how unimportant it makes sex appear, how casual it makes this stuff seem.
I just hate men, and I am becoming so conflicted about sex. I used to love it so much, I used to be so uninhibited and feel so sexy when I was with a guy I loved. But now I feel like all sex is a lie. That all men are perverts. That it will never be special, and that was only an illusion on my end. Sex feels good, but now it makes me feel dirty and it makes me cry. Does anybody know what I’m talking about? And it’s hard to just write off men and be like “I HATE THEM I’LL DATE GIRLS”. I dated a girl before, and she was wonderful and beautiful, but it just wasn’t fair to either of us. Anyone would be lucky to have her, but just like how people who are homosexual can’t force themselves to be hetero, vice versa.
And it really sucks feeling so creeped out and grossed about by the majority of men (I have a few guy friends I get along with, who don’t give me the willies, but these are the ones I was talking about that I end up falling for and they’re all “WE DON’T DATE” or “I could never date you, you’re my friend”). Half the population is male, and it sucks feeling so hateful towards half the people you meet/know! How do you guys deal with all these kinds of negative feelings? And how do you guys get past that “you’re my friend” thing with guys? Seriously, I have these guy friends, if I make my feelings known, they’ll be all “no you’re really hot, you’re awesome, you’re like a guy (interests wise) but I could never date you, you’re my friend, and I want to date someone more feminine who will balance me”. WTFFFF GIVE ME A CHANCE PLZ
This post was submitted by PearlEWhites.
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@PearlEWhites: Edited to create paragraphs. (nice post by the way)
Shazz..
@PearlEWhites I am a call girl and I enjoy my work. I do realize, however, that the adult industry isn’t for everyone. In my opinion, men will objectify women no matter what, so I find nothing wrong in profiting from them. I do not tolerate disrespect. I choose my clients wisely and they have always behaved. I’ve gotten to meet famous men, surgeons, doctors, etc. I find it interesting. If I had to work in the conditions you describe, I’d likely quit. I kinda knew early on that I didn’t want to work in a strip club. If you feel the way you do about stripping, it is a good thing you are in school. For me, there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing. They need me, they spoil me financially, nuff said. I also quit dating bc men are emotionally stunted and like you, I cannot force myself to be gay. If I was gay I’d find a life partner and sacrifice to get a career, then adopt a child. With men I have no such hopes, so I figure I may as well lead a fun, luxurious lifestyle. I don’t know what my point is other than I wanted to chime in my perspective, and I wish you well in all your future plans!
I always thought that the “pretty girls” or “hot girls” had it so much easier, but after reading this post and others on this site I guess that’s not always true. I hope you don’t take this as offensive, but I find inspiration in your post: “No matter what you look like you just can’t please everybody. Just be yourself because people will always find flaws in you even if those flaws aren’t even there.” I used to think lines like that were cliche, but now I’m finding them true.
- Objectification.
Fact is, we have a free market, and sex appeal sells. Thats about it. That doesnt says more about the attitude of men as ads where men are displayed as idiots says about women.
Learn to ignore it.
- Sitcoms.
As i said, ignore the media. Its displayal of the world is totally off, because it was created to appeal to certain audiences, not as a model of reality.
“HE’S NOT THE “DATING TYPE”. He doesn’t want a girlfriend, he just wants to be a child and live with his parents forever. :/”
“Why don’t you want to date me? Or anyone, for that matter? :////”
Err, what?
I personally never met anyone who was like that from the start. Most nerdy gusy would have been happy if a women or girl, Really, ANY girl graced them with her presence.
Some say it is a marriage strike. And men dont date because of unfair laws, false molestation and rape charges, marriage being unfair, ect. I don`t think so. In my experiences those who chose to go this way are chaste because they couldn`t get anywhere on the dating field and stopped trying. They are right on one point, it is easier to just put up your hands in surrender, go home and play video games instead of dealing with rejection after rejection.
Deny someone food or water for a time, and he will die. Deny someone love or affection, and the part of him wich craves these things will die.
- Friendzoned.
Oookay, this is starting to sound strange. Are you sure you area girl and not a guy who mixed up gender identities?
Because this, i can hardly beleive.
Yes, for some men, the definition of a friend includes someone you will never have sex with or hit on, but those are a minority. A wery small minority.
This if for PearlEWhites. I usually don’t send women messages like this but there’s something that needs to be said here. Actually, a couple things. First of all, you complain about men being horndogs yet you make a living taking your clothes off. And then your complaining about all these images of tits and ass being shoved in our face but again, your shoving your tits and ass in men’s faces. Aren’t you being a bit hypocritical? You complain about tits and ass being shoved in people’s face and you turn around and do the same thing. If you don’t want to be laid out like a piece of meat as you put it then maybe you should put your clothes on and quit putting yourself out there like a piece of meat. If you don’t want to be treated like a slut then don’t be a slut. Find a decent, classy type of job. And you sound just as cocky and arrogant as a guy. Your just as bad as a guy. Your talking about these bald, fat, and old men coming in these strip clubs but I bet you have no problem taking their money. And last but not least, I’m a nice person but I got to be honest here. You say certain guys don’t want to date you. It’s not often I can agree with a man but this is the one exception I actually agree with a man. Why would any guy in his right mind want to date a woman who takes off her clothes for a bunch of other men? Why would any man in his right mind want to date a woman who grinds all over a bunch of other men. That’s very whorish. I don’t blame these guys for not wanting to date you. And on a final note, I do agree when these guys say your like a guy. You do sound hypocritical, shallow, and a bit arrogant. If you have such a problem with guys being horny then why do you take your clothes off in front of them? I’m not trying to be mean because some of the things you said I agree with like how you can’t look anywhere without seeing tits and ass. I agree there. I don’t know why men get such a thrill out of nudity anyway because when you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all. And I most definitely agree with the part about the older men get the balder, fatter, and don’t keep themselves together but they sure expect women to look perfect no matter their age. So some things I agree with that you said. But overall I don’t see why women who act so trashy expect to be respected. You can find a more decent job if you really don’t like these horndogs you mentioned. It just seems hypocritical on your part.
“And last but not least, I’m a nice person”
LOLOLOL. Hehehe, hicst… sorry, this is probably one of the funniest things i have read. Foxy, the rambling ranting mixed misandrist and misogynist calling herself a nice person.
Sure, and i am Jesus.
Foxy-I’ve agreed with you on several things, but, on this last comment, I cannot.
I, myself, work in the adult entertainment industry, and I’m sure no one feels I carry myself with any less class or self respect as someone who does not do what I do for a living.
I’m well-educated, well-spoken. I carry myself with poise and grace. The man I’m interested in doesn’t mind what I do. Actually, he’s intrigued by it because he would’ve never guessed my occupation.
I’m going back to school in August, that is, if I’m accepted, but because I want to, not because someone talked down to me. For the time being, I do what I do to make money. Does that mean I’m a whore? Absolutely not.
God is my only judge.
I think the entire notion of “whore” was invented by men to control women. Women are expected to be chaste while men can have sex with anything he wants. This is because at one point, women were considered property. We are no longer property, people. We can do what we want with our vaginas. As far as relationships, men aren’t worth dating, so if u want to whore it up, go ahead. If u can take the morons’ money, even better:). When I started clubbing in Miami I realized that being a slut is so much better than taking men seriously. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Lol
>>I think the entire notion of “whore” was invented by men to control women.
Im willing to bet it was invented by women. They needed a name for the women who slept with their husbands. Its old norse for adulterer….
i tried but i just can’t avoid a conversation that involves strippers. PearlEWhites says “I am one of the hottest girls I know, plus, I love videogames, movies, hanging out, eating food, and I love sex.”, AND YOU WORK?! sounds like the modern day personal jesus for almost any guy. the only reason i can see a man not wanting to be in a relationship with you is the obvious opportunity you have to be unfaithful. not that you’re that kind of person, just the opportunity is a bit overwhelming for some guys.
i can understand what foxy’s getting at when she asks “Why would any guy in his right mind want to date a woman who takes off her clothes for a bunch of other men?” those without respect simply label them as whores and sluts. truth is, they’re less insecure about their bodies, they aren’t as shy in the bedroom and i’m not quite sure i know the best way to put this but they’re just better when it comes to sex. on the other hand they’re often more in love with a man’s money than the man himself and they seem to prefer to have multiple sex partners instead of setting for just one.
@Muzolf hehe
zombified-I’ve talked to several strippers, and they all do what they do simply for money. As a matter of fact, many of them have boyfriends/husbands/kids, and have no desire to cheat on their significant others with their customers.
I, myself, have no desire to be promiscuous, give/receive men’s numbers or have sex with a man unless he’s my boyfriend (though I did have one fwb). I’m 24 and have only had two boyfriends. Just because I’m an adult entertainer doesn’t mean I’m a party girl who’s not ready to settle down.
I think that it all boils down to trust. If you know the kind of person I am, what my goals are, what my intentions are, and what I want in life, what I do for a living won’t matter. What’s attractive to me is a man who’s confident, secure and knows that even if a man was naked in front of me, I wouldn’t bite.
If he married me and took care of the expenses, I’d be willing to stop. But, it works both ways. He could just as easily have sex with a coworker at his job. It’s not about easy access to sex, it’s about whether or not you trust that person’s judgment, respect and loyalty.
“on the other hand they’re often more in love with a man’s money than the man himself and they seem to prefer to have multiple sex partners instead of setting for just one.”
What proof do you have of this, as far as relationships go? I mean, when it comes to my customers, yeah all I care about is money, just like everyone else who works. You work, make make and go home.
Relationship-wise, though, I definitely want marriage and kids in the near future, and have always wanted that. Matter of fact, I prayed for God to just tell me who my husband is because I didn’t want to date more than one person to find him. I didn’t lose my virginity until 18, but things didn’t quite turn out the way I wanted it to.
*make money lol
All this “i would not cheat” and being love with ones personaly sounds great in theory, but if you look at the larger picture, the statistics are not looking all that good for a man. The genetic history of our species indicates that reproductive succes is around 80% for female, 40% for males. And regardless of if it is true or not, the real or percieved hypergamy of women does not bode well for beta males, who are the majority of men.
That a man might cheat is of no consequence here, a women can allways be certain of her own parentage of her children, a man could not until paternity tests were made. (And it is mostly not a good idea to use them, unless you want a nice little fight with your wife about not trusting her.)
What does all this means? It means, if you are a man, and you don’t want to end up as a genetic dead end, it might not be a good idea to chose a mate who is
A) Too good looking
B) Has a history of promiscuity.
Why? Simple, everyone will say that they are faithful. Nobody advertises him/herself saying “i will cheat on you”, but it does happen, and it is suspected that a large number, around 15% of men are actually not raising their own children, but somebody elses.
And if before someone criticises fr putting to much value on being a biological parent, if you are a women, how would you feel if you realised that on the fertility clinic, they removed your eggs and put someobody elses in you?
Like it or not, the ability to continue your bloodline does matters, it is hardwired in every species that ever walked the earth (If there was ever one where it didnt, they would die out quickly.) and women do not face the risks men do.
Now, i don’t care either way, because i allready know i will be a genetical dead end, for several reasons. But this is how it is for most men.
muzolf-Ok, correct me if I’m wrong, but your main concern seems to be that if a woman is beautiful and receives a lot of male attention, she’s most likely gonna cheat on you, and maybe get pregnant by another man, telling you it’s yours and if you want a test, she’ll get mad. *deep breath
Well, all of that sounds like insecurity, pessimism and just a lack of faith in women in general. As far as cheating, I know that once I’m with someone, he’s all I want.
I am beautiful, and I’ve been told this since I was a baby (I was wanted for Gerber lol), so it’s nothing new to me. A man flirting with me usually gets a shoulder shrug because I’ve heard it all already. I’m not trying to be mean, I just don’t care, so if a man actually gets and keeps my attention (the guy I’ll date/marry), then he won’t need to worry about me stepping out on him. Once I’m with you, that’s it.
As for the paternity issue, if you have sex with her during ovulation last month, and she she misses her period this month, chances are you’re the father. You can also get a test during the pregnancy, but it can be unsafe for the unborn baby. I personally would offer a paternity test myself because I know even his family/friends may be asking him if he’s sure the baby’s his. I’m sure and I want him to be sure too. If you’re trying for a baby, you should trust her enough to know that when she does get pregnant, it’s yours.
Men can have babies on the side and the girlfriend/wife not even know about it. My ex fwb is 26, never met his dad. He just found out last year that his dad and his mom had an affair and she got pregnant and kept him. His dad is still married, has I believe 2 daughters with his wife and lives in the same city. He’s still keeping it a secret.
For taking care of someone else’s child, my little sister’s dad “adopted” me as his daughter when I was 2, and he’s been my dad ever since. My bio dad wasn’t there.
So, I don’t think that’s a big issue if the man is willing. If you mean he’s unknowingly taking care of someone else’s child, of course that’s not ok, but that’s why paternity tests were invented and if there’s any doubt whatsoever, a test is in order.
@cutiepie
i’m not hating on strippers at all and i’m not saying they cheat. i’m just tryin to give PearlEWhites a guy’s point of view. i’m also not trying to judge or insult either of you.
“What proof do you have of this, as far as relationships go?”
i’m just speakin from my personal experiences and i know females in that line of work aren’t all the same.
“I mean, when it comes to my customers, yeah all I care about is money, just like everyone else who works. You work, make money and go home.”
i don’t have any problems with how you make money.
Jut for the record, while i do have a lack of waith in women, that is no more as my lack of faith in men. Since i have a general lack of faith in humanity.
I understand what you are saying, but even if you mean it, so do the people when they say it, and then go on cheating anyway later. And like i said, anybody can say that.
Beauty is fleeting, to be fair, my main conern is mostly common interests, if i could actually speak to, and have fun with my partner besides sex and common chit-chat. But that is me, and like said, that is not really relevant if we look at the big picture. Most men want beautiful wifes of course. But there are other factors, even if many men realise it only later.
I beleive i have allready adressed the issue of biological fatherhood, there is little to add. You are right of course, but still, i am sure you woud prefer to raise your own children too.
And i still need to adress this:
“Men can have babies on the side and the girlfriend/wife not even know about it. ”
It has a different inpact. You will not end up raising anothers child because your husband cheated. A man might.
There is no doubt that you are the parent of the child you carried, no matter how unfaithful your partner might have been.
Muzolf- Whether he gets another woman pregnant or she gets pregnant by another man, it’s a painful experience. You can get a paternity test to prove whether or not it’s yours, and decide to leave if you want. If a man has a child on the side, the woman can be with him til death and never know about it, and never make the decision to leave him.
If you don’t believe a woman will be faithful, you can always get a lie detector test as well. I just know I’m not gonna be in a relationship with someone I can’t trust from the very beginning.
“it’s a painful experience”
Of course it is, i didnt say it wasnt, i am saying it has a different inpact, and that why different attitudes to the problem existed for a long time, and still remnants of this are in our culture.
“If you don’t believe a woman will be faithful, you can always get a lie detector test as well.”
I just timagined the funniest scene. Before the marriage, you welcome your soon to be wife with a machine, and tell her it is a lie detector you want to use on her. All i have to say, that the rest of the scene i could only imagine as loony toon like slapstick, with hammers and dynamite bieng used.
I mean really now? How would you react if anybody did that?
“I just know I’m not gonna be in a relationship with someone I can’t trust from the very beginning.”
Then you will find that you have a problem. How could you trust anyone from the beginning? If you dont even know the person yet? You cannot know someome from the start.
muzolf- As for the lie detector test, I was really referring to if you think she already cheated on you. There’s been times where I wish I could’ve taken a test because I was right, but couldn’t prove it. I have nothing to hide, so honestly I wouldn’t care as long as he took one as well and didn’t wait until the day before the wedding to bring it up. Maybe I’m wierd that way. I mean it’s kinda like the paternity test, just there’s more questions beside “am I the father?”.
“How could you trust anyone from the beginning? If you dont even know the person yet? You cannot know someone from the start.”
I have pretty good intuition and I am clairvoyant so I can read people very well much of the time. I don’t always listen to myself though, which has led to wrong decisions.
I do, however, still need to talk to the person to get to know them completely. I’m just saying that once I know him, I’m not going continue dating him or commit if I don’t feel comfortable or my intuition is telling me he’s no good. If i feel he’s no good at “hello”, I won’t even waste my time (well aside from the times I was too nice and gave him a chance anyway).
I do feel that if you go into any relationship with a “this person is guilty and will definitely do me wrong” attitude, then even if the person is good for you, you won’t know it because your heart isn’t open.
I don’t know, I feel like I’m rambling. It’s been a long day.
actually cutiepie, i think your comment makes a lot of sense.
“I have nothing to hide, so honestly I wouldn’t care as long as he took one as well and didn’t wait until the day before the wedding to bring it up. Maybe I’m wierd that way. ”
I think most people would object the apparent lack of trust. Yes, maybe you are a bit wierd, in a good way, but still.
“- The rest. -”
I wish i had that kind of confidence in my people skills. (Well, in my case it would be unfounded overconfidence probably.)
men are really all the same..there is no getting away from it..given the chance they will go off and do perverted things behind your back..and they all lie…constantly..make money off them and use them to your advantage..the sickos..go find a girlfriend and live a happy , contented life with someone you can feel safe and comfortable with …thats my advice..as for trust..why on earth would any woman ever trust a man????