I have been sexually harassed
Possible triggers for sexual harassment
I have a paper route, and sometimes people come out to talk to me for a few moments when they come to take their paper from me. There was one man in particular who would always come out to greet me. He would talk, I would listen … It was nothing serious. As an older man (70-80 years), he has a lot of stories about his past, etc. That was fine. What wasn’t okay was him telling me that I am cute and that he wished that he were younger so that he could flirt with me (which he did despite his age. I refrained from saying anything). That went on for about a year. It was creepy, and I told everyone around me about his actions, but no one saw anything suspicious, so I continued to deliver his papers, and he would continue to greet me. Never once had he touched me until about one year ago. He held me tightly and kissed my cheek and tried to bite my ear. I felt trapped, but I was soon able to leave without causing any suspicion. (Although as I turned away, he ran his hands down my back) I quickly hurried home and called the police, who did nothing. The officer claimed that the man was like a grandfather (excuse me, but what kind of “grandfather” sexually harasses their “granddaughter”?). The officer went to talk with the man, but after 15 minutes, the officer returned to say that he cannot do anything and that I should just simply ignore the man. I was only 15 years old when this happened. I learned from the event and after a brief case of gender dysphoria and anger, I moved on from the incident. I had a bit of trouble walking past his house when I had to deliver papers again, but it got easier.
Fast forward about 9 months later, I had to stay at my uncle’s house because it is significantly closer to the airport than my house. My uncle said the same things as the man that first sexually harassed me. He said he wished that he were younger, he called me cute, and before I went to bed, he kissed my cheek. I was trapped yet again. I locked the door before I went to sleep. The worst thing is that my own father was in the same room with me when I was sexually harassed by my uncle. Because I was travelling the next day, I tried to forget the event. Today, I finally expressed that I was sexually harassed, but I was completely ignored.
I am so tired. I resent men because I was sexually harassed. I feel like I have to put up a wall between men and myself. I can’t sit around and wait to be raped. I am frustrated – if I were a man, this wouldn’t have happened to me. Screw patriarchy. Screw misogyny. Screw inequality. I don’t want to hate men. I am just scared of any future relationships with men … not that I even want a romantic relationship with a man. I would like to be at peace, however.
This post was submitted by Young.
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Sorry for what happened to you but…
“if I were a man, this wouldn’t have happened to me.”
Wrong, if you were a man, this could have happened to you all the same, except, nobody would take you seriously afterwards.
Welcome, Young
I’m sorry to hear you had such awful experiences. Do you have any close friends to talk to about it? What about your mum, does she know?
If one post doesn’t hack it, feel free to write as many posts as you want. If it helps you to relieve some tension, then post away
What is the matter with your dad? He didn’t want to think his brother (or brother-in-law) could be a perv so he chose to ignore it? That seems to be the general stance family members take.
I wonder how common sexual harrassment and assault actually are, because I hear so many stories like yours. Just because a man is old doesn’t mean he’s stopped being a horny toad. The guards at the lobby of the place where I work are all old and all try to banter with me, commenting on my hair, my age, by looks, etc. I dread having to walk past them every day because I know they’ll make some comment and the attention makes me uncomfortable. I thought it was fairly (at least in most cases) innocent, but a colleague told me he could tell they were dirty old men.
I know that’s not nearly as bad as what you had happen to you, but my best friend has to go to various people’s houses for her job and she has so many instances of similar things happening – old men trying to kiss her and proposing marriage, commenting on her looks, etc. Guys are constantly giving her strange “compliments” that I would strongly consider sexual harrassment, but she has low self-esteem and tells me sometimes that she’s flattered or one of their comments (weird ones) made her day. It creeps me out.
While I won’t argue that the first case was sexual harassment, and I’m sorry you had to experience that while nobody did anything, I’m not so sure about the second case.
Based on what you said, if all he said was that he wished he was younger and that you were cute then maybe he was just complimenting you. Surely, he would not have done anything so dumb while your father was there with you and if he did your father probably would have noticed…maybe what your uncle said reminded you so much about the old man that you started reading too much into his words. It could also be that your dad didn’t notice anything because apparently he was distracted or is just oblivious.
For the kiss, I never really considered a kiss on the cheek to be a form of sexual harassment, hell I never saw anything sexual about a kiss on the cheek for that matter. The kiss could have been like what one gives to a child before they go to bed.
I’m not saying what happened wasn’t sexual harassment, I wasn’t there so I can’t tell, I’m just saying it isn’t necessarily so, he probably didn’t have any such intentions when saying and doing those things.
However, it’s obvious that you are uncomfortable by such gestures, so my suggestion would be that you tell them how you’re uncomfortable with it and ask them not to do it again. If they don’t comply then get angry and raise hell! it’s your body and you shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable!
I don’t think you have much to worry about in the ways of being raped, you should ease your mind on that a little.
This person’s account may no be sexual harassment, but a misconstrued interpretation.
If you are going to accuse a person of sexual harassment, you better get it right or that makes you the villain not the victim.
Sexual harassment is when somebody makes sexual comments, suggestion, or unwanted physical contact with another person.
I’ve been sexually harassed by several people, women. It wasn’t funny nor comfortable. Yes, women sexually harass people also. The only difference is they often get by with it.
Go ahead, shazz, stop the truth from getting out. A lot of women are deviants and
liars. No better than the men they accuse. I’ve been hurt by the female gender, but I’m not important.
Why on earth would I try and stop ‘the truth from getting out’ as you put it? I totally agree.. women are guilty of sexual harassment as well. However that is not what the OP is talking about.
You on the other hand spinachgrower/kelly strom say you are a male and have been hassled.. then when cornered you say you are a female pretending to be a male. If you cant make up your own mind about what you are.. or be honest with your posts, when you single out women on here and abuse/target them, (as you have with HB.. and still are) it makes you no different from what the OP is talking about.
We know full well that you claim to be the victim in all this.. but you ALWAYS turn around and become the abuser. Those are not the sort of posters that are welcome here… and more to the point, will not be allowed here. Given your admitted issues….this forum is not the place for you. I hope you manage to get help eventually.. it just wont be from us.
By the way.. thats a chinese proxy you are using. Enjoy the repercussions from that. hehe
(alias spinachgrower) Edited by Admin.
spinachgrower commented on I HATE MEN – 100,000 members strong:
>>>By the way.. thats a chinese proxy you are using. Enjoy the repercussions from that. hehe<<<
And will you stop your stupid comment about proxy servers.
You sound like a little school girl.
You arrogant, conceited, and belligerent fool!!!!
Now the chinese are after me!!!!! Are they going to be knocking on my front door, too?!?!?
Stupid child!!! hahahah
Oh you brainless twat… when the hell did I say the chinese are after you? LOL
Enough of this BS.. I have more important things to do than argue with a screwed up guy who repeatedly Trolls on a womens site.
Times up…
my heart goes out to you young. i too have went through the same things as you. however, it was done to me by both men and women.when i was very young. just know that you are not alone