Why?
Why, why, do men find it necessary to be so brutal?
I do not want to hate men. I have fought bitterly against that for a long, long time. But sadly, after 20 years of misery, I am forced to concede that reality.
When I was 15 years old I met my first boyfriend, who sexually, physically, verbally and emotionally assaulted me for 18 months. The damage done to me psychologically was immense. Then, to add insult to injury, after years of suppressing my anger over these events (for fear of the consequences), one day I released it, only to be physically assaulted by my brother, with whom I had previously enjoyed and very loving, close relationship.
I have come to realise that there is not an atrocity that even the most seemingly ‘decent’ of men will not commit in their quest for power, superiority, and control over women. Oh, we’re safe, as long as we’re ‘behaving’ ourselves, but God forbid we should step out of line and demonstrate that we have real feelings, real emotions, real thoughts of our own. I have lived in fear of men for so long. I can no longer trust them, like them, respect them. I wish with all my heart I felt differently, but I cannot. I will never involve myself romantically with another man for as long as I live.
This post was submitted by maggiemay.
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First of all, what horrible, horrible experiences you’ve been through!
Secondly, do your parents know about any of this? Do you have any family members of friends that you trust? If so, you need to tell them what’s been happening. Suppressing your feelings will just bring you down and make you feel worse. You need support. Are you in a position to seek counselling? I also recommend that if your brother EVER hurts you again you should phone the police. You should never have to put up with that abuse. I know there might be reasons that prevent you from phoning the police, but just know that the option is there. You could also try phoning a DV helpline for advice and support.
Thirdly, stick around here. If you need somewhere safe to express your emotions, this place is great for that very thing. Pour all your hurt into your posts and relieve some of the stress. Plenty of the members here can relate to what you’re saying
So just type it all up, don’t hold back and engage with the other members 
Welcome maggiemay, Tooky is right.. and if you need to unload, its safe here.
@Tooky.. check your emails.
Tooky, shazz: thank you for your kind words.
Tooky: yes, my family/parents are aware, and have been for some time. Sadly, therapy has got me nowhere, despite their best efforts. My trust in men has been irreparably damaged and cannot be fixed. The abuse I suffered at the hands of my boyfriend was bad enough; but if someone who loved me can do this to me, someone I trusted implicitly – what hope do I ever have of trusting another man? Oh, and on this you can trust me – he touches me again, I’ll involve the police so fast his head will spin, ‘family unity’ be damned.
I wish so much men knew the devastation they leave in their wake when the commit such acts. What depresses me the most is the fact that we STILL live in a very unequal society, despite its claims to the contrary. Women are still deemed to be second class citizens, trophies, objects of pleasure etc by many men, as opposed to real, sentient human beings with feelings of their own. I can’t put into words how ANGRY it makes me.
Rant over (for now).. thanks for listening. And I’ll definitely stick around.
“I have come to realise that there is not an atrocity that even the most seemingly ‘decent’ of men will not commit in their quest for power, superiority, and control over women.”
Wow, you can’t really believe that. That’s absurd. Sorry you had to go through such abuse, but do you really believe that? Do you not realise that many men are just trying to get on with their lives, just like you? A lot of men are just keeping themselves to themselves, as hard as that might be for you to believe.
Like I said, it’s awful that you experienced the things you did, nobody should have to go through that shit, but do you really blame ALL men for the traumatic experiences that you went through? When you see a normal looking man walking down the street, do you think to yourself ‘I fucking despise you’? I find it hard to wrap my head around.
okay, i really dont want to be mean, but i’ll express my opinion. i do believe that if it werent for men this world would not have wars, rapists, children pornography and a lot of sick situations this world is through every single day. But it would be wrong to say that all men are brutal; a really big percentage of guys is loving and caring and wont do such things to a girl they love. But if you have never met a guy like this, it means that you dont respect yourself enough to set the limits in a relationship. and of course both men and women are going to go as far as they are allowed, without stopping to think why. I’m strongly a feminist and support girls but let’s not be unfair. I wouldnt be saying all that, but i’ve been in 3 long relationships and not one of my exes ever behaved to me in a really bad way, each one was great with me although they were not with their ex-girlfriends. i would suggest the problem lies in your position towards men. read the book “Why Men Love Bitches”, it will totally change your life as it did mine!! good luck, i hope you find a great guy!!
@Joe: “When you see a normal looking man walking down the street, do you think to yourself ‘I fucking despise you’? I find it hard to wrap my head around”.
Would you care to tell me your definition of normal? They all look ‘normal’ to me. A man’s appearance doesn’t necessarily correlate with his character. Many outwardly respectable and so-called professional men have abused their families behind closed doors and, by the same token, many seemingly anti-social types have not. I have justifiably learnt that I cannot trust any man, even those of my own family. And for the record, no, I do not.
@Konstantina Boubou: I appreciate your comment and your good wishes but with respect, you do not know me well enough to judge me on *my* levels of self-respect. I have NEVER lacked confidence or the ability to stand up for myself. In fact, in my experience, it has only brought me grief. It was my justifiable anger at the way that I was being treated that brought about the violence I suffered in my first relationship. I know, and have always known, that I did nothing to deserve that abuse. I didn’t leave my for so long because he used to point a loaded shotgun at my head so I feared for my life. My reluctance to express my anger for so long was because of acute post-traumatic stress (according to one of my therapists, the stronger you are, the worse the condition) and it was expressing my anger that led to a horrible betrayal by somone I loved dearly and trusted implicitly. And ‘men love bitches’, do they? News to me. There’s a major difference between standing up for yourself and being a bitch. The very last relationship I attempted (with a man I met online) was a disaster and finished before it even had a chance to start, because my rage had transformed me from a strong, reasonable, rational person into an argumentative, unreasonable shrew, which is my definition of ‘bitch’. I am, and have always been, acutely aware of my limits but men have repeatedly crossed them, nevertheless.
All I want is to live life happily and free of fear. So I am living life without a man by my side. And there’s nothing wrong with that.