Why are men so selfish?

My relationship of two years has me very confused these days. Im such a mess and I feel like I am half the woman I used to be.
I admit that I am by no means the perfect girlfriend but I am always thinking of him and his needs and feelings above my own because that is what he expects of me. I feel like he never reciprocates this although I am constantly asking him to be a little more sensitive to my feelings. All I want is for him to just remember I am in this relationship too and to consider my feelings before doing and saying certain things.
I believe he has some anger issues though he would never admit to it. I am constantly walking on eggshells trying to keep him from getting angry and lashing out at me. I am unable to talk to him about how I feel. Every time I attempt to share my feelings hoping he will understand he just gets angry and tells me what I feel is crazy or invalid.
When he gets angry he has temper tantrums where he throws things and punches holes in my walls. Then afterwards he cries and makes me feel bad fo making him angry in the first place. I hate it when he does these things. If I wanted to deal with temper tantrums and constanlty cleaning up after someone I would just have a child.
He has called me horrible things on many occasions. I have been called a stupid bitch, a worthless asshole, and other mean things by him. Although I have forgiven him his words still remain in my mind echoing with pain. I never speak to him like that and if I did he would probably leave me. After calling me these horrible names he always cries and tells me he is so sorry and he loves me. If I am not immediately forgiving and don’t comfort him through his tears after he verbally abuses me then he says I am just being a bitch who won’t quit fighting with him. He really expects me to just sit there and deal with his shit and then be nice as soon as he calms down. He always has an excuse for being an asshole such as; I’m tired, my back hurts, or I had a bad day at work. Well I fucking work too and I also get tired and sore but you don’t see me running around being a raging asshole.
I know most of you will say I should just leave him but he wasn’t always like this. At one time he was the nicest sweetest guy and he is so different than other guys. We still have good days and sometimes he makes me feel so happy and lucky to be with him. I know it is impossible to be nice and happy all the time but the way he deals with being angry makes me feel like he has no love or respect for me. He has told me many times that I should always know he loves me regardless of what he says or does but does that mean he gets to do and say whatever he wants at my expense? Why am I always expected to be calm and nice no matter what he does or says or else I am a psycho or a bitch. He acts like his feelings are the only ones that matter because I am a woman so mine are automatically irrational and ivalid. I just want him care about me emotionally the way I care for him.

This post was submitted by donewithyou.

9 Responses to “Why are men so selfish?”

  1. Aidan Ross McFarlane says:

    Not all men. Like not all women. This is we have 2 different connotations of selfish and we both breach eachother’s

  2. Anonymous says:

    I know you’re expecting this, but you have to leave him.  Not just for yourself but for him too. He needs to get help before he’s emotionally stable to be in a relationship. And by the sounds of it, he has a lot of issues to work through. You say that he was lovely in the beginning, it could be be repressed anger that he’s taking out on you now that he feels comfortable. You should suggest that you leave him until he has worked through some of his problems, if he doesn’t agree to that then steer clear of him. If a loved one fears your behaviour or has concerns for your well being and expresses it to you, then it should be enough to make an effort at least. If he makes no effort then you must keep away.

    What’ll it be next time? A slap to your face? Him breaking down in tears saying he’s sorry and wont do it again? You can’t allow it to go too far. You have the warning signs, you have to act on them. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’ll be so much harder if you let it go too far. This is an abusive relationship, whether he refuses to acknowledge that or not. I wish you luck.

    P.S
     Your concerns are very much rational. It is he who is acting irrational for whatever reason. Verbal abuse and intimidation is abusive. Don’t listen and get support from family, friends, whoever.

  3. Anonymous says:

    The guy has serious mental problems, this has nothing to do with selfishness, this has to do with him being in freakin coocoosville. Why do people have to point this out anyway? Get out of there before you get seriously hurt!

  4. Anonymous says:

    Agreed.

  5. Anonymous says:

    I concur with your agreement. 

  6. Anonymous says:

    I was going to ask almost the same thing you did . . .
    Why are all women vain and selfish? I added one more word for intensity because I really hate women!

  7. M G H says:

    Leave this guy before he hurts you again. You are better off without him.

  8. Robin says:

    this guy sounds like my ex husband.. In the long run you’ll realize that your worth more.. It took me 7 years to realize that i didnt deserve it.. I hope for you, that you regain your self- esteem and move on.. 

  9. sharma says:

    It sounds like your man is a passive/aggressive man. You should look into these behaviors before you get sucked into another hopeless relationship with the same kind of man. Get out because he will NEVER change!

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