Back to December
So I’m sitting here on a Saturday night, feeling generally sorry for myself and searching on different websites to find other women like me who are suffering from broken hearts. Perhaps writing this provide some sort of comfort to myself and others, I can’t be sure but I assure you that you are not alone and are not the only ones who are crying over some asshole who isn’t worth your tears.
Here’s my story of the shortest relationship, yet most painful breakup I’ve ever had. I’ve had a few boyfriends in my life, three long term relationships which lasted roughly over a year. The breakups were rough, but I dealt with them in a normal healthy way and was able to get over my ex-boyfriends in a reasonable amount of time. After about a year of being single, I decided to try online dating and met someone I thought was really amazing. Erick* was 6’2, blue eyes, and was extremely good looking and intelligent. He has a successful career in the medical field, though the only problem was he lived 3 hours away. We talked on the phone every night, sent texts all throughout the day, and after a month we decided to meet in person face to face. When I saw him for the first time, my heart melted and at the time I looked into his eyes and saw my whole future. We had an instant connection and had an amazing day together. After about a week, I made the drive to stay over his place and spent yet another wonderful weekend with him. The entire month of December we spent every weekend together, and he decided to take a job closer to me, which was about an hour away from where I live. I was so happy, but something changed….he become distant and found an excuse not to see me for the entire month of January. He went with his parents to look for his apartment near his new practice, and would barely talk to me on the phone. I only saw him twice at his new place, and all he wanted to do was have sex. We had a really explosive, physical connection but he could never look at me in the eyes while we were intimate. I would try, but he would just look away. When it was time to leave, he started singing to me “Please don’t go…I want you to stay….” We had a few awkward phone conversations after that, empty and devoid of meaning. Finally, I asked him what was going on and he sent me a text message which said something to the effect of “I just don’t have what it takes to make you happy. And I don’t have enough to give to be in a relationship right now. I’m sorry, I don’t want to hurt you. You deserve so much more.” Thing is, he made me incredibly happy. He called me after that, and he said that he wants to be friends but I couldn’t figure out why he would pick up and leave his home to move closer to me only to break up with me a few weeks later. This was the man who said that I was the girl that he wanted to have a baby one day with, if his heart really wasn’t in it then why did he want to spend all those weekends with me and talk to me on the phone for hours every night? I feel like I did something wrong and I can’t stop crying. Though our relationship was short, I will remember him the rest of my life and have never felt such an overwhelming hurt. Because I was able to really get to know him on the phone, I fell in love with his heart and soul. It makes me sick that he just gave up and threw everything away. Truth is, he did make him happy. He ended it because he was the unhappy one.
Now he deleted his facebook, and the text messages have entirely stopped.
It’s like he never existed. I miss you so much.
This post was submitted by meeshalee.
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It just didn’t work out, it happens, of course it still hurts. Just try to get over it, and better luck next time.
Sadly there are a lot of guys out there like that – it’s rather reckless and emotionally irresponsible of them, but how many guys have you known to be consciously aware of their emotions? They come on very strong in the beginning, and most of them truly believe what they tell you – at the time he told you he wanted to have children with you I’m sure he probably meant it. But then the initial lust starts to wear off for them, and unfortunately by that point, as women we’ve allowed ourselves to be seduced and we start to want more. That’s when they really start to pull away.
My biggest beef with guys like this is that a) they don’t recognize their behavior as irresponsible and b) it’s never occurred to them that even if they feel an emotion very strongly that maybe they should wait to express it. Just because you feel a thing doesn’t mean you have to share it. Talk of moving in together or other such weighty affirmations of interest, in my opinion, should NOT be broached until you both know each other reasonably well (this means experiencing both negative and positive traits).
I’ve noticed that this cycle generally takes between 2-3 months of dating. If you can make it past the 3rd month without breaking up, you have a chance at success. In your case though, it sounds like the best thing you can do is at least try to take away a lesson from this painful experience. Learn to see a man’s initial ardor for what it is – lust, pure and simple – and don’t allow yourself to be seduced by it. It’s a great feeling to be adored, but if you build a strong sense of self and self-worth, such outside approbation will have less of a negative influence on your decision-making with men. Your own opinion of yourself will (and should) mean more to you than some man’s.
I wish there was something I could say to take away the hurt you’re feeling. But that will only come from your own inner resolve and a desire to be happy again. Give yourself time to heal though. Use your female friends to lean on. They really help. If you don’t have any you feel super close to, try finding a therapist. I don’t know about you, but when I was in a similar situation I found that the initial step of reaching out to my friends was the hardest part…the only person I wanted to help heal my pain was ‘him’ and it was a difficult thing for me to accept solace from other people.
Hopefully some of what I’ve said resonates with you and was helpful. Either way, my best wishes to you and may you find a man truly worthy of your affections.
Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AFTER KNWING HOW THIS MEN ARE U STILL HV FEELINGS FR HIM..DNT BE SO DESPERATE FR HIM..GET SM LIFE…U R PERFECT AND U DNT HV TO RELY ON SM1 TO MAKE U HAPPY ..GOD CREATED U TO LIVE UR LIFE INDEPENDENTLY…NO ONE CN MAKE U HAPPY THN U URSELF..TAKE CARE HON
>>>I can’t be sure but I assure you<<<
OK . . . I know I make many mistakes in replying, but is there anyway you can fix that?
This maybe the biggest blooper of all time in this blog.
Wait . . . I will try: I walked all night as the merciless sun beat down on me.
Is that a picture of the kid who wrote this?
Laughing at myself also!!!! Me grammar not to good to!!!! LOL