I used to think so. They’re poetic and more in tune with their emotions and the emotions of the people around them. Sure, most of them are sweethearts who serenade me with Leonard Cohen songs when I’m sad and give me back massages and hugs… But they aren’t all always that way. One of them in particular.
I secretly loved Mr. Poetic Piano Man for three years and it remained a secret until February this year. He lives in Calgary and I live in Edmonton – he came back into my life at writing camp. After that weekend, we saw a lot more of each other; we talked a lot, eventually I met his family and his friends, we kissed. I spent hours with him whenever I could, I listened to him; his poetry, his piano playing, everything he told me. I was even more in love.
Until I found out. Single, he told me? Single, my ass.
I found out that I was one of five girls that he had feelings for – including his GIRLFRIEND, who had just graduated from high school. At first, I thought I could deal. In a desperate attempt to forget about him, I let my heartbroken friend use me to get over his ex. I ended up being hurt anew when he left me as well. Talk about opening a new wound. I should’ve seen that one coming. So I panicked and ended up avoiding both guys – I found that I couldn’t deal with them just yet.
Several months after getting reacquainted with Mr. Poetic Piano Man, I found myself having to live with him again for a week at writing camp. It was hard. Being so close to him, but so far away. I broke down a lot – and the fact that he knew I was hurting and didn’t seem to give a fuck hurt me even more. He still had his sweet moments. He still stopped to smile at me, he still hugged me goodnight, he still gave me back massages. Which only pissed me off more – I was trying to get over him and he sure as hell wasn’t helping. Didn’t he know that I loved him? So I deduced that he is either an jerk or stupid. He either knows that I loved him and is messing with my mind or he has no idea how I felt. He’s smart. I want to believe that he is the latter.
Before I even met Mr. Poetic Piano Man or Mr. Heartbroken, I somehow developed feelings for Mr. Call of Duty. Yes, the kind of guy who cares about videogames more than his girlfriend – not that he’d ever had one, anyway. When I was reunited with my ex in February, I completely forgot about him. I only had eyes for the Piano Man. But – surprise, surprise – Mr. Call of Duty decides to make another appearance in my life. Thus complicating things – again. I KNOW that he isn’t right for me and I KNOW that it would end very badly, but I’m in a really indecisive spot right now. I tend to move on from a past heartbreak(s) by finding someone else. I know, it’s rebound. But I can’t control who it is that I develop feelings for after a breakup. It’s also the only way I’m going to move on. And I really don’t want to be moving on by being with Mr. COD. But at this point, it looks like another inevitability.
I deserve better than a guy who brings up my boobs and having sex in conversation every five minutes! I deserve better than a guy who will use me to get over his ex and then move on to another girl completely! I deserve better than a guy who will lead me on and then drop me just like that! I know that there are guys out there that are better than any emotional wreck or flirt or horny gamer. I’ve met them, I’ve befriended them – and they are what gives me hope. But just because I have that hope doesn’t mean that I don’t hate men right now.
Do writers make better lovers? Nope, not this one.

This post was submitted by Leslie.