Complicated | I HATE MEN

I must be honest, I dislike most men. This more than likely stems from my past, in fact I know it does (it’s a long story so I’ll make it short… Mother sold me to stepfather who was trucker I was forced into prosititution at a very young age lasted for 11 years, many bad men). When I was 18 I met a dude online and flew out to meet him (very unlike me) needless to say I fell for him quickly as he did for me. The first year of our relationship was rough because I was learning to accept and cope with my past but we loved each other passionately; soon after I began feeling ‘normal’ I had bouts of guilt. I felt guilty for being happy for some reason and I cheated on him as a form of self punishment. After a few months of separation he took me back and I swore it would never happen again but almost exactly a year later I did it again (twice) as a punishment for myself. It’s been awhile since the last screw-up and during that time I have learned to identify and halt the thoughts that enter my mind when I’m feeling down and I have begun to truely respect myself and my body. The problem is… I think I’ve hurt him to much for him to see that my behavior has changed, I want him in my life more than anything else. Should I just let him go even though my heart refuses to believe that that is the right thing to do? He still acts as if he wants me in his life but when I ask him to take me back he shy’s away (I don’t blame him), Am I being too pushy? How can I downplay such powerful emotions to make him more comfortable? He also found out he is more than likely gonna die in the next year if he doesn’t get surgery (that we can’t afford), how can I help him cope with his fears while letting him know I want to spend the rest of our lives together be it 6 months or 6 decades? (I’ve told him outright but IDK if he believes it)
He is the only man I’ve ever loved and ever trusted I don’t want to lose him. Y was I not strong enough to fight off the thoughts that so many sick men put into my head? Y do I still suffer? Y can’t I get a break?

This post was submitted by Zena.

TheFounder

You need to see someone… seriously you can't run around hurting people like that.
Cduff

Wow! What a shitty mother. I'm mentally punching her in the face right now for you. I hate truck drivers too! When you convince yourself that YOU DO deserve real love, then you can have it. Beg his forgiveness, once you know that you deserve him, never fuck up again, get his surgery(indigent care) and live happily ever after away from your distractions girl!
Shazz

You said 'we' cant afford.. not 'he' cant afford. That shows me you are serious about staying together. Trust is a hard thing to regain in a relationship.. especially if its been broken more than once. Write him a letter and say everything you want to say to him that you know you would find hard to get across in a face to face. Sometimes things get sidetracked when you are talking and you cant get it all out.

He will be focusing on his illness.. but if he is still acting as if he wants you in his life ~ then take the chance and lay all your cards on the table. Whether he has the Op or not you will need to give him everything youve got and be there 200% .. just for him. That will be incredibly stressful for you both. To stray again would destroy him.. and you too. Yes..you need counseling but first and foremost you need to settle this.

Good luck…
Tdboydsings

I done with men. Men are self centered and selfish. Everything is for Him or he's not happy. Men are controlling too. They don't rule my life anymore. I don't get down in the dumps…I get even. I do what I want to do now for me not anyone else.
Guest

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Guest

You can't get a break.

BECAUSE YOU CHEATED ON THE MAN TWICE.
Ajwilleatyourdonuts

You're right to hate men – Your mother was innocent and it was not her fault. The men in her life are responsible for her actions as they drove her to it.
guest

hes probably got his dick in another pussy as u speak P-L-E-A-S-E
You have other priorities

Dude, what?!!! Have you dealt with your past issues? Have you taken your “mother” and “stepfather” to justice for the ILLEGAL things they did to you? Slavery is not legal, rape is not legal. You need to deal with these people swiftly and harshly; then and only then can you have a decent love life. Any other way and the actions of these filthy criminals will continue to unjustly affect the rest of your life. You should also do what you can for other girls who are in the situation you were in. Messing around with more men is not the way to go at this point, you are too young, and you have many other issues you need to deal with first (bringing justice against your assailants, planning your career, getting an education).

Sighhhhhhhh….I am 99.9% sure you will ignore my advice.
Kandace79

i hate men also i build one up just for him to leave me for someone he thought was better may he rest in shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mana

You’ll be able to convince yourself that you deserve love BY loving him. And obviously, that’s what you want to do. You just have to really love the guy, and show him your love. If he gets that you really love him AND are willing to change for him so that you don’t break his heart anymore, because you care, I think he will be able to forgive you. Some wounds take time to heal, so it may not be perfect right away. The only thing that can rebuild your beautiful relationship is to just keep loving. And don’t be afraid. You seem like a really determined person with a lot of courage, and those are qualities that are good for a relationship. So, good luck. And, like you said, it’s a good idea ignore those bad thoughts when they come up.
Selena_mack

tell her about it. You thinking you hurt that man, shid. The minute he found out you cheated he of course got even and enjoy watching you feel guilty and laughing at you with plenty of pussy on his breath. By the way all men cheat any way so what the fuck. He would have got you eventually.