I dont profess to be an expert .. but I really have been where you are now. Whatever stage you are at .. numb.. hurting.. embarrassed.. asking yourself why.. or already furious .. there are things you need to do to hold yourself together and in some cases.. salvage your pride.

They say losing a boyfriend/lover is the same as losing a loved one in death. Well they are right. The numbness is the same .. the why me .. the how could you do this to me.. then the anger comes.

Of course if he happens to be still living around the corner or he goes to the same school or office – then there is another couple of stages after the anger. ‘I will always love you………and maybe’ This is based loosely on that scenario.. and how to help yourself get over it with your head held high and a modicum of pride.

* Its all over and you are in the numb stage. Mind numbingly blank.. (your body/mind is in shock) so try hot sweet drinks.. a warm bed ..and no.. alcohol/drugs wont help. It makes it worse and postpones the pain. This stage lasts a few days for those that thought they were in ‘real love’ so if you can.. keep a low profile and let it out. Cry if you can because it helps.. and I really mean that.

You will find that every few days you just seem to scroll through ‘stages’ so just go with the flow. Its easier to let it happen and not fight it. Theres nothing you can do to stop it and you really shouldnt try. Its a stress release that happens in humans..and its perfectly normal. Of course thats hard to accept when you get to the last stage and you want to commit murder just to get even with him.

Soooo..lets start that ‘getting even’ bit or as its commonly known.. salvaging your pride and moving on. This is about Empowering you and showing him you dont give a toss (even if you still do)

*Your diary.
Yes you need to keep one.. and no I dont mean a blog. I mean a private handwritten ‘for your eyes only’ diary because thats the only way to get it all out. When you get to the ‘anger’ stage and formulated your thoughts then you can let it all out on a blog (no names please) and go for it. You can create one from the main page of this site. Until you are at that stage you will be asking yourself how he could do this.. because you gave him everything he asked for and more.. and he still dumped you.

*Hairdresser.
Change your hair.. even if its just a cut. If you can afford it get a color or a perm or all 3. Theres a song that goes..’Im gonna wash that man right out of my hair’.. and nothing beats a haircut after a break up. Its like you really are cutting him out of your hair. Symbolic of course but it works. This is one of the first things you must do. It dosent matter if you burst into tears while she’s cutting your hair. Hairdressers are ok..they see that all the time. Odds are she will take special care and help you to feel better.

*Your bedroom.
Strip it out .. wash everything. Change your room around. Even if you dont have $$ to do anything really radical you can put the bed on another wall. Add a plant. If you have a desk.. place it so when you sit at your desk you are facing the door. Thats a feng shui power move and believe me.. it puts you in control.

*Facebook/Social sites/Emails/Phone/Twitter.
Change your wallpaper.. and take all pics of him down. Yes…..straight away. Everything of him HAS to go. No sad love songs and no ‘Ive lost him’ poems. Put that in your diary. Make it look to the world as if its YOU dumping him. Unfriend him..block his name on your emails.. take him off your chat list.

I can promise you if you dont..then you will hang on to the hurt (and the hope) for months longer than you need to and it will grind you down. He will have moved on and be with a new girl (or more) before you let him go.. and thats not going to help you..or your real friends. Its like when you do your bedroom.. you see a new picture and lessen the pain.

Theres another reason to do it. If there are any other guys out there that like you and watch your site..they will know you are ‘free’ and they can safely ask you for coffee. Nothing worse than a new boyfriend having to look at an old boyfriend on your facebook/myspace. I know thats the last thing on your mind right now.. but it will be the first thing on theirs.

*Clothes.
If you have an outfit that he really liked.. either bin it or put it in the back of a drawer until next season. Jeans you can get away with keeping..but not a top or jacket. Besides..if you have changed your hair color then odds are it wont look good anyway. (Dont forget to get a new lipstick to go with the color. What looks good on a blonde wont look good on a red head or vice versa)

*School/Work.
If you cant avoid seeing him then you are just going to have to brave it through. ‘Fake it until you make it.’ At school you can have a trusted girlfriend to walk around with so you are not alone.. (dont try blackmailing your brother into coming up with a ‘buddy’ to help you.. they spill the beans eventually and will feel bad all over again)
Hold your head up high (with your new hairdo) and walk on.

*Talk.
To your mom/nana/girlfriends/church friends. It hurts to keep it in and helps to get it out. Trust them.. they can help you. If by chance you find yourself a single mother..then you will need these women by your side to help. Ask for it.. you do not have to do this alone.

Nobody said this will be easy.. and right now its the hardest thing you will ever have to do.. but do it you must. By the time you get through this list you will be at the ‘I hate Men’ stage.. and once you are angry.. you are on the road to life again.

We are Women.. we are strong. We are the givers of life and the nurturers.. and we can certainly kick ass when we need to. So if anyone reading this Blog can add something more to the list.. please do so. Every little hug helps when someone is in pain.

Remember.. be the change you want to see. ♥

This post was submitted by shazz.