What does my ex-bf want?
I broke with my bf 3 months ago…But we kept in close contact (well…he called me at least 3 times a week and asked me out during weekends) and one day, I asked if he actually wants to be back together (cos I want that too), but his answer was ‘I don’t want to hurt you’….
We still keep in touch, but that feels weird….what exactly does he want?
This post was submitted by Kala.
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It seems as though he just wants somebody to fall back on, somebody that likes him and helps him when he gets hurt but that he feels he could live without. If I were you I would GET AWAY!!! Men are just instinctual and don’t have much of a thought process when it comes to love and appreciation. He takes you for granted, so you should just ditch him. Easier said than done, I know, because I have been there, but it’s for the best.
How bout he wants to be a close friend of yours?
Men do not know what they want. We make them out to be simply and easy, but, they are not. Face it he feels he can have you when he wants and then have whatever else he wants too! If you do not want to walk away, then you are saying to him “go ahead use me”. RUN AWAY fast!
Maybe he has the idea that while you ask “do you want to go back out”, he thinks that you’ll just end up hurt in the end
Im in a similar situation. Says the we are broken up. But, still thinks he can stay at my house, sleep in our bed, continue to not communicate (which was the problem to begin with mind you), and drive my car. But, we are broken up? No…he just thinks he has fixed it to where he can do what he wants and I don’t have a right to ask questions. Run…thats’ my advice though I need to take it myself….good luck!
haha, these are the things men complain about women.
“women dont knwo what they want” is a common line.
such hypocracy on this site.
Sweety, i ‘ve been through that…
He is playing you…
It feels good to him that he has someone to fill the void of his loneliness and company while he is looking for something better. As well his ego, that if he knows he can still have an effect on you, it’s means that he is atractive so he feels good about it. He doesn’t care for you, he only cares for him. men love to have an harem, which is in old arabic cultures a tent filled with women that can’t resist him. It’s about their ego! Oh and Henry Tudor VIII was the same.
Go and live your life, don’t allow any men to ever confuse you, cause the only thing that will happen is… You’ll get hurt and your life will get stuck, he will feel like the man that is so irresistable and adictive impossible to forget.
If he wants anything with you, he has to pay the price – Commitment, respect, no other people in the relationship. Otherwise he will try to see if he can get you to be his “friend with benefits” which is, he’ll get all that he needs from you, without having to give you what you need from him… because you are just friends… (with benefits – sex, cudle, kisses, touching, time sharing, long talks about his problems, and favours that you’ll be required to do to him as a… friend of course). Mean while is out there talking to other girls as if is single… and keeping his needs satisfied with you… That couldn’t be better.
Be very carefull with the “I don’t want you to get hurt” it’s a trap and it’s bulls…
I’ve been used that line by more than 2 guys… in the past until I learned the lesson.
What he means is… “i want to touch you/sex you/kiss you but not because I like you, it’s just because I love to do it with girls. If you let me do it knowing that I already told you I don’t want you to get hurt… then after, you can’t complain that you got hurt, or that I’m seeing other women, or that I’m not in a relationship with you” And believe me if you say yes, he won’t say no! That is the goal of what he’s doing and talking! He just doesn’t want to take responsibility by the way he makes you feel at the same time he uses you for his gratification… and he is not feeling anything, besides pleasure as if he would if he was eating a chiken. He has no feelings for the chicken, he’s just happy that he’s eating it!
Get some self love, and respect for yourself and don’t let him treat you like that, you deserve to be treated like a queen…
He knows what he wants, but if you don’t know what you want, he’ll take advantage of your confusion, cause he knows he doesn’t want you… he just wants his needs satisfied, until he finds a girl that can trick him into commitment without him even realizing it! And that girl honey, is the one, that knows what she wants. You are just is pass time until he finds that girl.
In pratical terms…
Don’t allow him to call you, see you, phone you, until you are completely over him. if he doesn’t want to hurt you then he will allow you to forget him!
Oh, but expect him to call… (those other guys always did) and if he does, you’ll see that in fact he doesn’t care about hurting you, he just doesn’t want to feel that he’s loosing one of his love slaves of his harem- his ego.
Read the book “He’s not that into you” by Greg Beherendt, cause you’lll get the point
And try to get a happy life to yourself without him in it, cause that’s what his trying to do.
Be selfish with men, always. And they will give you what you want… always!
Remember friends aren’t supposed to hurt you, or play with your emotions, or use you! You are your first best friend so don’t allow anyone to ever hurt you, ever!- That’s how you’ll find what YOU want. And what YOU want comes before what he wants.
Probably you’ll get to the conclusion that either you don’t ever want to have a relationship with him, or that you still want him to commit in a serious relationship with you. No confusion. Now he either is able to meet the one or the other. Again- No confusion.
Either you want a guy that is emotinally available to meet your needs, or you want someone to lead you to confusion for being emotionally unavailable… again- One or the other- no confusion!
Love is not supposed to hurt either…. emotional exploitation always does!
I absolutrely HATE men! they all such! there is absolutely nothing good aboiut any of them. the ones you like or want that are good, you NEVER E get. that is why there eare so many losers out there because noone wants them. I have given iup a very very long otime ago, and I have no tregrets. I am the h appiest person in t he weorld when I am alone and single. I can do what I want, w hen I want and do not have to answer to any shitass man who is oging nto make some comments that I do not want to hear. I have always had the most god off shitty luck with men at t hisd point I don’t care whether I meet anyone at all!!! I refuse to ev en try!! It is a wiaste of my time!!!
Live in Peace ! It is much better!!!
Yup. I agree with all the above 100%: he wants to maintain the advantages of a relationship, ie. emotional security in the form of an emotional safety net, without the complications a relationship can carry. If you honestly believe that he would be there for you whenever you needed him, well, maybe it’s not so bad. But if you think it might be something of a one-way street… run like the hounds of hell are behind you and don’t look back.
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