Sick And Tired
I am so sick and tired of men who operate solely on their own terms, despite being in a RELATIONSHIP. This guy I’ve been seeing for the past six months started off pretty cool. He called everyday and texted everyday just to check in and see how I was doing.
Now he goes on these “phones off” periods where he turns off his cell phone, home phone and computer and sits at home and drinks. I don’t have a problem with it, except that he should let me know ahead of time so that I won’t think he’s ignoring me.
He’s now starting to let me know ahead of time. However, this past Friday, I was supposed to come over to spend some time with him. I had a previous engagement, but told him I would come over after I was finished. I called him as I was leaving my function. I called him cell phone and home phone with no response.
I decided to pick up something to eat, while still driving, and waiting on him to call. Even after I picked up food, he didn’t call.
I’d had a long day and was very tired. Since I didn’t hear back from him I went home. Once I got home, I pretty much crashed. He texted me some forty minutes later saying he was downstairs working out.
I woke up to the text but back asleep. I knew as I was driving that if I went home, I would pretty much be in for the night due to how tired I was.
I woke up about 4 am and saw that he texted me again at 1 am saying “I guess you’re not coming over or else you would have been here by now.”
I texted him back and said that I’d called him twice with no response and that I was very tired and went to sleep.
Saturday morning (getting ready for another engagement), I called him and got voicemail immediately (meaning phones off). I left him a message saying that maybe we could do something today, but I was very tired last night and tried my best to contact him before I went home, but with no success.
At my function I texted him “What are you doing?”, as we both often do. He didn’t respond to either. He still has not responded. This is so stupid.
You wanted to me to come over, but since I didn’t, you shut me down completely? How stupid is that? What kind of man are you that if a woman doesn’t do what you want, when you want it, you just disappear.
I know he’s going to contact me sooner or later and act surprised at my indifference to him (as he’s done in the past), asking “Why are you upset?”
Why? Because you’re a selfish, inconsiderate, butthole of a man. When you’re in a relationship, it’s not just about you. You have to consider the other person. I’m sick of it.
This post was submitted by SickNTired.
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Girlfriend, it’s this part of your story which I would be most concerned about:
Now he goes on these “phones off” periods where he turns off his cell phone, home phone and computer and sits at home and drinks. I don’t have a problem with it, except that he should let me know ahead of time so that I won’t think he’s ignoring me.
He withdraws and drinks at home, alone. Not good.
If he doesn’t already have a drinking problem, he likely will in due time. How much of an investment do you want to make with him ? Take control.
He sounds like the typical ass of a man. Everything always on their terms. Just ignore him for a while he’ll come back around. Give it a minimum of a week
I take it you do not live together?
He does not have to be at your wim nor you to his. If he does not feel like being social that is his perogative, have you thought he is maybe just introverted.
you should tell him you have a problem with this.
@ tiffany, most men are not like this you sexist cow. you do not solve problems with men by game playing. It is confusing and cruel. this is why you dont have successful relationships, you refuse to admit that a man is worthy of communicating too and instead play stupid childish games to manipulate them into doing what you want.
@ sue I agree
You’re in a relationship with him, he’s not in one with you. He’s gaming you. Break-off all contact. If he contacts you, wait till the wee hours of the morning, text him back and play the same stupid BS game he’s playing with you.
Do this for fun only, this prick isn’t worth the time. Just play a tit-for-tat to show him what a stupid ass he is.
most guys like this are displeased with them selves a bit frustrated with a situation he probably hasn’t told you about its not that he’s gaming you he’s probably
stressed depressed or something thats usually how i get sometimes
hun he just like most men, im going though same as you one min text where are you next min we need a break from each other. for god sake i just wish they make up they minds. r just bugger off
Walk away. In simple terms: there are men out there who are worth your time. He clearly isn’t one of them. When someone treats you that way it starts to eat away your self respect, so it becomes harder to believe it but: you can do a hell of a lot better. You’re clearly a smart girl, so if you still care about him it’s time to make this simple for him: either he shows you that you have reason to stay with him or you don’t stay with him.
If nothing else it might snap him back to the reality that he has something to lose from this behaviour.
Sweetheart, I hate to break it to you but I think he’s playing you. I could be wrong, but this part of your post made me wonder.
‘Now he goes on these “phones off” periods where he turns off his cell phone, home phone and computer and sits at home and drinks. I don’t have a problem with it, except that he should let me know ahead of time so that I won’t think he’s ignoring me. He’s now starting to let me know ahead of time.’
He lets you know ahead of time that rather than be with you, he would prefer to turn off his cell phone, home phone and computer and drink (all by his lonesome?) By telling you ahead of time, he’s made sure that you do not bother him between the hours of so and so. Convenient. Rather than risking even a quick hello (heaven forbid), he cuts off all communication, ensuring you cannot get to him at all even if that worries you…. sounds iffy to me. At the very least, you should believe you deserve better. A guy who really loves you will be accessible to you (at the VERY least) and wouldn’t play the other games you mentioned in the post. Prepare yourself for the heartbreak in this case, deal with it and move on, he’s playing you or is simply just not that into you anymore. Either way, this guy is not worth your time but only if you believe that yourself. I wouldn’t suggest playing games back, that doesn’t achieve anything healthy. Walk away. And remember, at any point in time, you get treated the way you let yourself be treated.
You seem to unconsciously go for really fucked up men.
oh my god,, I think all men are like that !!
this guy i’m seeing playing this unavailable game with me too, i ignored him for one night and he kept calling and texting, and i’m still ignoring .. I did the eating in the car waiting for him to call me too once, it is sad
I hate men !!
I think all men are like that and i HATE IT! There seem’s to be two different sets of rules, one for us, one for them!
It’s late, you call, he doesn’t answer, so you go to bed… to me… that seems sensible, i’ve done the same, I remember getting that message at 3am asking me “what u up to”, or “u awake”, when I called 5 hours earlier to come over, of course I’m going to go to sleep, my whole life doesn’t revolve around waiting on you to be ready to talk to me, then get p off because I didn’t come over at 3am! And…. I’ve never understood why guys get soo annoyed if you don’t answer your phone when you are actually rushed off your feet, even if they do it to you!
I say men are idiots! i wish I fancied women it would make things so much easier sometimes i swear!!
You seem like Portia from “The Merchant of Venice.”
I hated that play, but I loved Shylock.
Moreover, I love your last sentence. Hypocrisy is also an evil of society.
This guy is still an ass and he is depressed with a side of male chauvinism.
Dump this loser. This is not the kind of relationship that is going to make you happy. What kind of childish game is he playing? “You’re not there when I want you to be, so I shut you off completely”? You get the silence-treatment because you didn’t show up when he wanted. What the hell?! How old is he, seven??
You’re really not waiting for a guy that withdraws himself from everything around him, to go sit in his house and drink. That doesn’t sound healthy and stable. If he wants to drown in his problems, fine. Let him do that alone. But now he makes his issues your issues.
If it would be the other way around, do you really think HE would take this behaviour from YOU? Absolutely not! He would’ve dumped you on the spot and told all his friends that you are “messed up in your head and impossible to be with”.
Stop giving him credit for his ridiculous behaviour. Good guys don’t shut themselves off from their girlfriend. They might withdraw from the rest of the world a few days, to recharge their battery and have some private time, but they will never shut themselves off from the girl they love.
He does, which means you’re not that important to him. If you consider him not really important as well, that’s fine. But if you want a guy that cares for you and show it, this is really the not the right one to be with.
Sorry to be so harsh on you, but on the long run I believe honesty is the best thing. Dump this loser and find yourself someone who is worth your time and your energy. This guy definitely isn’t.
It all sounds like so much hard work. I’m so happy that I’m not in a relationship with an annoying man. There’s no way I could put up with that. You have to put so much time and effort into it…it’s like a part time job isn’t it.
This guy is a loser and most probably gay! I would dump him and find someone else to have paradise with for a few months. After all instant gratification is what we want and when it does not last just move on to the next one! Don’t plan on doing the hard work to see it through it probably is not worth it.
It is not impossible to find a man that can be in sync with you all the time, it really does happen. Just keep looking you will find the right guy that will please you all the time. If he is not making feel as important as you think you are then move on and I am sure there is “the one” for just you!!!!
Good luck and happy hunting.
i fully agree w/ aida. i’ve had this issue w/ an ex i knew for years and years…and he continued the behavior after we broke up. every few months he’d come around and say he loves me and act like it’s the end of the world. i’ll believe him, and a week later, he’s not returning my calls. total ass. what i really can’t believe, to this day, is that we were friends at one point…knew each other for years before dating. and this is how he disrespects me??
i am so seriously sick of men and have been for a while now…i really don’t know what to do about it…i don’t want to be bitter, but i so obviously am. i’m not unattractive and i get hit on plenty, but i’ve been put through the wringer so many times, that just listening to some guys talk makes me want to puke. they seem to be all the same, just in different packages.
have you read askmen.com’s ‘why men don’t commit’?? it’s obnoxious as hell, but i think pretty much all men feel that way. they are a bunch of babies who want everything to be their way, all the time. i think maybe there is only 1% of the male population that behave like actual grown-ups…and i have yet to have the privilege to date one.