hate

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I hate men. I hate the games that have to be played with them.I hate the fact that they want women so bad sexually, if you have sex with them too quickly, they leave. It hurts so bad. I hate to think of how many men I have had sex with (only because I desire intimacy/closeness) and KNOW that I meant nothing to them (and vice versa). I’ve only had 2 real boyfriends, but several partners.

I hate the way men try to give you the bare minimum, but will take everything if you allow them to. The other day I was texting with a guy that likes me and I told him that I had gotten laid off of my job. He then says, “oh, you’re at home?” After I tell him yes, he proceeds to ask me if he can come over and watch tv with me. Call me crazy, but that made me so so angry! He has never ever invited me out to dinner, lunch, a movie, bowling, or any other type of date, but he wants to come over my house, kick off his shoes, watch my cable on my tv, sitting on my couch, in my house, where I don’t even know how I’m going to pay rent at this month. If there is one thing I know about men (especially those that will invite themselves over to your place of residence, or you to theirs) they want to try to establish some false sense of intimacy with you, put their arm around you, touch your leg, try to kiss you, eventually hoping it will lead to sex. All without them ever having to spend a dime on a damn date.

I hate men who approach me who are way out of their league. And I get so frustrated with myself for being so damn polite to them, and not wanting to hurt their feelings.

I hate how I have to pretend not to like the guys that I’m really interested in, knowing that if I pretend that I couldn’t care less about them, they will chase me to the ends of the earth. But if I am genuine and authentic, and show that I like them, they really aren’t interested. It’s the most unnatural thing in the world to pretend as if you don’t like someone when you actually do.

For every man that I have ever had sex with, I hate you. I hate you for making me feel worthless in your eyes, when I was simply trying to share a part of myself with you. I hate you for making me doubt myself. I hate you for making me have such a negative outlook on men. I hate you for making me cry. I hate you for not even making the sex worth my time.

This post was submitted by monykah.

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  • neema

    If you feel you “have” to play games with men, then either you’re serially involving yourself with the wrong men or your expectations are totally out of whack.

    I hate to say it, but for whatever fucked up reason some women are inclined toward a type of guy who brings out the worst in them.

    If you persist with men who fit this bill you might as well bang your head on something hard for a while. It’s about as productive.

  • Lalia

    I hate men fuck them all! They’re assholes and they think their entitled to get into your pants. They act like their opinion should validate our very existence. They should go straight to hell!

  • http://ablounge24x7.blogspot.com/ Abby

    monykah, I know how you feel. I truly know how it feels to be degraded like that.
    I have a blog that I just started that is for women who strongly dislike men, and are hurting because of their experiences with them. You’re more then welcome to check it out. I just want you to know that I share your feelings concerning men and that I know there are others that do, too.

  • Caz

    Hi everyone. Just wanted to update you about the situation at work. I had a big meeting with the managers and HR and I told them exactly what that guy did to me. How he tricked me, manipulated me, and pressured me into going into a relationship with him against my will. I had all the emails printed out for them to prove how he sexually harassed me. His emails were so inappropriate, yet mine were friendly but in no way flirty at all. I don’t think he will lose his job, but I hope he will be told how wrong he was to do what he did to me, and hopefully prevent him from sexually harassing women in the workplace again. Personally, I think that if he wants a woman to go into a relationship with then he should do that in his own time and not in works time. I still feel disgusted about how he violated me like that. I never ever wanted sex with him and now i have to live with that for the rest of my life. I hate his guts. But I will act in a professional way when i see him again. I will rise above any pettiness. And in future i will never drink alcohol again. No man will ever get the chance to trick and manipulate me like that again. Also, i think what i have done sends a very loud message to other men to never mess with me. By the way I am a lesbian, but I don’t see why I should have to tell people at my work just because i don’t want to be sexually harassed by a guy i don’t fancy. He should have respected my rights when i told him i wasn’t looking for anybody and was happy being single. But no, he had to push me, and try to manipulate me into going into a relationship with him. Some men just can’t no for an answer.

  • Caz

    Hi everyone. Just wanted to update you about the situation at work. I had a big meeting with the managers and HR and I told them exactly what that guy did to me. How he tricked me, manipulated me, and pressured me into going into a relationship with him against my will. I had all the emails printed out for them to prove how he sexually harassed me. His emails were so inappropriate, yet mine were friendly but in no way flirty at all. I don’t think he will lose his job, but I hope he will be told how wrong he was to do what he did to me, and hopefully prevent him from sexually harassing women in the workplace again. Personally, I think that if he wants a woman to go into a relationship with then he should do that in his own time and not in works time. I still feel disgusted about how he violated me like that. I never ever wanted sex with him and now i have to live with that for the rest of my life. I hate his guts. But I will act in a professional way when i see him again. I will rise above any pettiness. And in future i will never drink alcohol again. No man will ever get the chance to trick and manipulate me like that again. Also, i think what i have done sends a very loud message to other men to never mess with me. By the way I am a lesbian, but I don’t see why I should have to tell people at my work just because i don’t want to be sexually harassed by a guy i don’t fancy. He should have respected my rights when i told him i wasn’t looking for anybody and was happy being single. But no, he had to push me, and try to manipulate me into going into a relationship with him. Some men just can’t no for an answer. But anyway, I do feel much better now for standing up for myself and shining a light on such a horrible little man who has no morals or integrity whatsoever.

  • Annie

    @Caz

    I’m glad that this man has been warned, as his work harrassment of you was entirely inappropriate.

    But Caz,I think you are just as mad at yourself, as you are at him.

    Empowerment, is about being able to say no, and not feel guilty. It’s about knowing oneself. If you believed in yourself, you would know that every single thing he said, was horseshit ahead of time. You fell for it, for a reason. Sweetie, you have to forgive yourself.

  • Caz

    Yes, you are right Annie. I do feel very angry with myself. It’s gonna take some time until i feel able to forgive myself. But the next time, I will say no and not feel an ounce of guilt. xx

  • Annie

    @ Caz.

    Good!! Amazing as women, how we feel guilty saying no isn’t it? We care too much about their feelings, when they care nothing for ours.. As far as I’m concerned, they have to say YES to me..who I am, before I say yes to them. Because I know their yes, could just be sex, but my yes, will be with my heart.

    They can wait, and yes, they will have to prove themselves to me…SOBER, and without manipulation.

    That’s empowerment.

  • Caz

    Yes, but they are very very good at ‘pretending’ to care about your feelings for as long as it takes until they get what they want. In fact most of them are very talented when it comes to making a woman feel wonderful and amazing until he gets her, thinks he owns her, controls her, makes her feel like complete shit for as long as he can. God, that guy was so immature. Did i mention that he told me to grow my hair? told me how to act around others? asked me if i dressed with him in mind when i got ready for work? just told me how to live my life in general? I told him, “Don’t you ever try to control me any way! I have my own life, my own independence. I come and go when i choose and i am not answerable to anybody!” Yeah, and he didn’t like that. Didn’t like a little woman standing up for herself. Pathetic man…sorry. I feel sick every time i think about him and what he did to me. I’m all for empowerment for women. Good for you Annie! I hope you find what you’re hoping and searching for. Don’t settle for anything less than amazing. I feel very lucky actually as I don’t even find men attractive, at all, and i am now going to live the rest of my life as a very happy lesbian so i will never have to worry about this stuff again. I hate dicks!

  • Caz

    Oh, just one more thing I’ve noticed about men. They try to make you feel like you would be really really lucky and honoured to be able to go into a relationship with them. They manipulate you by telling you how really lonely there are and that they really need you; they make you feel so sorry for them. Men are the most manipulative insecure pathetic creatures to walk the planet. I just wash my hands of all of them. I will never give a shit about any of them. They can all go to hell…except the ones i’m with friends with, as long as they don’t try and manipulate me into having sex with them. But if they ever do, they won’t see me ever again.

  • bellanova

    Monykay,
    I sincerely and completely understand what you are feeling. I went through it myself. I fell for it. It hurts. But I’m stronger, wiser, and will not give my everything to just be a man’s something….
    It’s just a lesson I needed to learn at the time.

  • Caz

    Yes, I agree. I have learnt, the hard way. And i am much stronger and wiser for getting through the hell he caused me. But i never wanted to be with him in that way. He raped me. He didn’t do it violently. There was no struggle. But he did it through complete mind manipulation when i was drunk. When i see him now i just want to be sick. I think he is disgusting. Now I am left feeling like i can’t even look at a man never mind smile at one in case they think i’m in love with him and want his body, like that ugly disillusional guy did. I never wanted to be a scary man hater, but it looks like i am one now. Hopefully in time, these horrible feelings will pass. Until then i just have to live with it and deal with it.

  • Caz

    You know what I just realised. That guy was a bad egg, rotten to the core, a real piece of s**t. But that doesn’t mean other men are as low as he is. I mean he really is the scum of the earth and I’m sure, I hope that most men aren’t like that. I have to have hope that most men have some morals and principles and wouldn’t do such a terrible thing to a woman. I really don’t want to be a man hater. I’m sorry. I’m going to work on meditating more to help clear my mind.

    Take care everybody, and remember, your body is yours to be respected, appreciated and loved. You don’t have to share it, you can just enjoy it for yourself. Never settle for second best. Never settle for anything less than amazing. Bye. xxx

  • Annie

    @Caz.

    No they are not all bad.

    Hopefully eventualy you will see this guy as the sad, pathetic individual that he is. Having to get a woman drunk and having to manipulate her into bed so he can get laid, makes him the biggest loser around.

    Some men, are so great, their wives are having sex with them daily and loving it.

    That guy was a tool.

  • Cindyd

    Girl……I love you. Had a hard time pin pointing some of the things that you said, about myself, but you are soooo right. Even older guys, that you would think would be more respectful, pull this crap on me. Makes me want to be a mean ****h to all men. I think I will!

  • Cindyd

    Even my ex who’s been married for 8 years attempts to be ‘Nice’ as he calls it. Screw men. I haven’t found one yet who’s sincere in what he says.

  • Dothebedn

    I am a guy and I am different then the normal man. I dont care much about sex. It never really did it for me. Most men are sexually driven, but what drives me isnt sex, but music.

    I dont like being in relationships, I become so caring of the other person that I completly ignore any of my own feelings. Like I become mentally and emotionally locked onto that person, trying to make them happy even if I am not happy. I have no idea why this happens and this is why I try to stay out of relationships. When I am in them I am no longer myself, and I become trapped.

    I also am able to block any sexual desier and thought from my mind, and if I see a girl with like a thin bikini or something I think “She might be trying to gain attention from people, so I will do the oposite and ignore her” this is probebly because I have almost a need to be different then the rest of the group.

    In my mind right now I am not thinking of women, I am thinking of a motley crue song, I think it is shout at the devil. But that is what goes on in my mind, the part where most men think of women, for me it is music. And the music is mainly heavy metal, and mainly 80′s metal.

    I have been to a strip club only once, because my friends got me to go and when I saw them naked, I felt nothing. The whole time I was there I felt absolutly nothing for them. The music was good. They had some Guns ‘N Roses playing and stuff like that, but thats all I cared about. This is why I have never been to a strip club again because I just dont care for that, I feel nothing for it.

    Also I am not gay, I am straight but with a very low sex drive, but a very high music drive, so to speak.

  • Caz

    I’ve just got to the point now where I think all men are just dick heads. Sorry Deothbeden. I’m sure you are an exception. But there are a lot of men out there who will pretend to be your friend and pretend to really care about you. But it’s not real, they don’t have any feelings, they don’t care about you. They only care about what they can get from you. Another thing i’ve come to realise is that when you tell a guy that you are single and don’t have a boyfriend, then they see that as an invitation to manipulate you into going with them, and it doesn’t matter how many times you tell them you are happy being single, they will still keep on pushing their luck and will even make you feel guilty and sorry for them as another manipulative way to get what they want. They really are the most selfish beings to walk the planet. I for one, will never ever care about any man again. They can all go to hell.

    I have a question for everyone – do you think you have the right to be single and happy and live your life free from unwanted sexual harassment? or do you think you should lie and pretend you have a boyfriend to protect yourself from them?

  • Kyra

    @Caz

    Both…
    In my case I am happy to be single and have been for quite a while and it is being the time of my life…
    But there are things in life we can’t control like earthquakes, vulcanos, rain,and men’s lower brain.
    So since i’ve been commited into dating myself, when i tell them I’m commited, i’m telling the truth… if they want to think it’s a man i’m dating, that’s their dumbness… it’s a woman and it’s me!

    I actually said that to a guy at a supermarket… when he asked if I was commited i said “yes…” and thought… -” to myself!”
    And another example was when a housemate asked me if I had dressed up for my boyfriend… I said “no, I had dressed up for me…” and I was going to meet someone (professionaly) but it could or could not be my bf, it’s not his business!

    I would say that hipotetically the ideal is to be in a point where a woman feels so strong in herself that she doesn’t feel her attitudes as being self-protective because it became natural. Why? Because there is a bit of fear of men in that posture… and women shouldn’t fear them.
    They are, what they are.
    Yes they are liars, yes they are manipulative, yes they will use a woman’s frailty naivity and emotions to their gain… Since we are now entitled for equal opportunities, it helps to think of it as business.
    In business it’s like psychological boxing in terms of alpha males… and that’s what they are doing in the manipulative talk they have with us!
    So or we either use that to become mentally strong and kick them in the place down below, or we hide at home because the hunters are still stuck in the long gone Stone Age!

    It can be fun sometimes to play with them, making them feel like they are the “Man” yeah they are so tough and strong and we are such easy preys… only to suddenly slip through their fingers and making them look like tottal assholes… that is also a lesson to them! -Of course there are the comments on their minnie-selfs that someone posted on this website that also will scare them and reverse the manipulative talk.

    The best is not to tell them anything, they are not entitled to know anything. leave them guessing!- the more assured you sound to them the more respect you’ll demand. If you look like a scary cat, they feel in power and that they can control you… and men like that! The problem is to know how to act (like a Babe In Tottal Control of Herself)

    I know i sound like a publicist of the book, cause I’m advertising it over and over in my posts… but it’s because it really has the answers…. yes, read “Why man love bitches” by Sherry Argov- she is much more simplier and gives straight answers and solutions to this and bitches does stands for Babes In Tottal Control of Herselfs after that they will be the ones to find ways of protecting themselves from you!

    And oh if you don’t mind also another side tip to you… don’t listen to what a man says about himself, look at what he does….- Cause the commercial not always matches the product, specially when it’s too good to be true!

  • Kyra

    Oh about the pretense friends who just want to do you….

    That will happen a lot… the moment you feel the guy is going a path you don’t like… you know it’s not friendship.
    Be very carefull when they start to offer you stuff with no reason… it probably has a price. You can take the stuff and act like a gold-digger biatch who’s not going all the way and has no intention to, or if you are going for integrity (not that the other choice isn’t) just say no.

    There are guys who can be really good friends, they are not many though.
    The best way to be friends with a guy is to become friends in group… you are rarely alone with him for starters and if he tries something he has two choices: He either accepts you as a friend and acts accordingly or he stops seeing you.
    Look at it like the rain… it’s not personal, it’s business… not every shoe will be a good friend, much less a good boyfriend! Shrug your shoulders to the ones that don’t fit and move on, they are not worth your time, or hapiness!

  • Caz

    Thanks for the enlightening information. I really do agree with you. From now on, if a guy asks me if i have a boyfriend, I am going to say, “I’m currently in a very happy and stable relationship.” It is true! I am in a relationship, with myself. They don’t need to know who i am in a relationship with, and if they ask further questions, that it is none of their business and i will refuse to answer. I have learnt that i never have to explain or justify myself to anybody. I am a good person and always tried to see the good in others. But maybe its time for me to start thinking differently and understand manipulative people and how their nasty minds work. I will outsmart them…you are right, it is business.

  • Caz

    I want to tell everyone about my driving instructor who has made me very very angry. For months, I thought he was a great guy, he’s in his fifties and i don’t find him attractive at all. I always saw him as a lovely, friendly caring guy who was a great driving instructor. Then after my sexual harassment case at work, I realise that i was also being harassed by my driving instructor, but i couldn’t see it before as i was quite naive. But he kept asking me if i had a boyfriend all the time, and when i told him no he would make comments and suggest i should go into a relationship with him. I told him i was happy being single and didn’t want a boyfriend. Then he’d go on about how lonely he was and how he’d make me so happy blah blah blah etc. Then i told him that i was a lesbian and just not interested in men. Did that make him back off? No, it just made him even more friendlier towards me. Then i told him how i’d put in a complaint of sexual harassment against that other guy. Did that make him back off? No! He still made comments about how he’d make me happy and how it would never have happened if i’d just gone out with him and then he could have protected me? No matter how clear i made myself, he still made his inappropriate comments and stared at me while i was trying to concentrate on my driving. Now i am just wiping my hands of it all, i don’t care anymore. I’ve put an end to the driving lessons and hope to never see him again. Oh yeah, and he invited me to his house where he wanted me to try his new red wine ‘just as friends’ and then he got upset when i told him how i don’t drink alcohol anymore. Oh shame, he wouldn’t be able to manipulate me and take advantage of me when i’m drunk. Men are all bastards. Don’t trust any of them.

  • Heidi

    I just found this site when i googled ‘i hate men.’ I am not going to trust any man anymore, most of them are liars, cheats and FAKE whos only goal is to take advantage of you. They only pretend that they care for you. I don’t know how I could trust anyone. Fucking liars. And why do some sleazy idiots think they have a right to touch you even when they don’t even know you? I remember at work once this man i had just met 10 minutes ago came and put his arm around my waist the way couples do. MEN, LEAVE ME ALONE!

  • Rebecca

    God, I’m so glad I found this site! Finally a place where everybody totally understands what I feel!
    My friends try to understand me, but on the other hand they keep saying “don’t give up hope, don’t give up on love”, etcetera. While I am just outrageously furious at every man that walks on this planet (ok, except for my father and my brother and some few male frieds that are good people). But all the rest of them is scum!

    I’m sick and tired of all the lies, the bullshit, the excuses, the heartlessness and everything that comes with a man. I really started to think that they break women’s hearts for the sole purpose of pleasure. I really think they love it.

    Not only am I furious at them, but I’m also furious at myself. For trying, for hoping, for letting them in, while I should’ve known better. Men are dogs and after 8 years of rejections, lies, heartbreak, misery and drama, it might be time to accept that I will probably die alone.

    Right now I am in therapy because every ounce of self esteem is crushed inside me. I am a woman who loves deeply, who is loyal, faithful and good to a man – and all I get in return is lousy excuses and bullshit. My friends tell me “don’t take it personal”, but at some point that sentence just doesn’t work anymore. At some point you just start to ask yourself: “If really nobody is appreciating the real me, if really nobody wants it, and if the majority of men treats me like a piece of meat, there must be something horribly wrong with me”.

    So there I am now, 31 years old and totally messed up. I feel sad, used, exploited, furious and unimportant. I am sick and tired of every man that walks around on this planet. Leave me the hell alone. Don’t come talk to me with your bullshit, your sweet-talk, your stupid stories, your promises, cause the only goal you have is using me, hurting me and then walk away and leave me like a piece of garbage. For the sake of your ego, because wow, it feels so good if a woman is sad over you. I hate you all. The only thing I’m doing right now, is praying that one day I will have the strength to treat all of you back the same way you’ve always treated me. God, I will feel so good then!!

  • Caz

    Rebecca, I really do feel your pain, and I know what you are talking about. But do you feel that by going around hurting men that will make you feel better about yourself? I know you are angry and want revenge, but when you hurt others, you will really hurt yourself. I know, I have been there, and I did hurt some men, maybe they deserved it, maybe they didn’t, but it only left me feeling like even more shit about myself. You said that your self esteem and confidence has hit rock bottom, then the best thing you can do for yourself is take a nice long break from men and just concentrate on yourself. You need to heal. You need to recover. You need to discover yourself and being in a relationship with you based on honesty and trust. It’s not until you can love yourself and take care of yourself that your confidence and self-esteem will go back up again. I promise you, being in a relationship with yourself really is the best relationship and it will do you so much good. I am sure there is so much for you to learn about yourself. Learn to appreciate, respect and enjoy your body for yourself. Become an empowered assertive woman that no man will mess with. Please, learn to love yourself, and maybe then the right person will come into your life. But if they leave you, then if you already love yourself, you will be able to handle it and get through it a stronger person. But don’t settle for second best, and don’t settle for anything less than amazing. You deserve to be treated with love and respect – we all do.

  • Rebecca

    Hey Caz,

    I don’t know if I would feel better if I’d go around and hurting men. But right now I just feel like I am ‘entitled’ to do it in some kind of way. You know, because I’ve always been a good, caring woman. I was strong and didn’t let them walk over me, but at the same time I was really thoughtful, caring, available, etcetera. Because that is the person I am. I don’t do game-playing. I want to be genuine. The things I have in my life have to be real, and if they’re not, I don’t want them. That’s how I’ve always lived me life.

    And all I got in return, is bullshit. That’s partially why I’m so angry at myself. People always tell you “if you do good, then good things will fall upon you”. Wow, really? I didn’t see any of that. The only things I got are lies, crap, rejections and heartbreaks.
    I don’t know, but after all I went through, I kinda started to feel that it was my ‘right’ to treat men like crap too now. That I deserved it to be a cold bitch for once in my life. Maybe it wouldn’t make me feel better about me, but at least it would spare me a lot of pain.

    But on the other hand, I know that you are right with what you are saying. I used to be that person, you know: strong woman, proud of herself and what she achieved, confident with herself, etc. etc. I really was like that. Of course I had my insecurities, but hey, who hasn’t. I accepted myself the way I was. I took a 2-year-break from men and dating a few years ago (after too many disappointments), and it really did me a lot of good. It made me grow strong enough to stay away from the wrong men. I gained enough self confidence not to be attracted to them anymore. I was really ready to find a good and stable man to have a relationship with.

    But now I’m at the same stage again. Because even the good guys don’t want me. Even the good guys always dump me and don’t look back. So at that point, everything collapses. Because with the bad guys, you can relate to the fact that there’s no way you can build an equal, stable relationship with them. Of course you can’t. But with the good guys it should be possible, right? That’s what you think at first. Until you discover that the good guys don’t want you either.

    And then you’re standing there, with the only explanation that you have left: ok, then it must be me. And BAM – there goes your self confidence. In the beginning you don’t take it personal, but at some point, that’s just not working anymore. You can’t fool yourself any longer and tell yourself “it’s not me, it was him”. But that doesn’t work forever. At some point you just think: “There must be something SO terribly wrong with me, otherwise all the men wouldn’t walk away from me.”

    I am taking a break now though, as you suggested. I shouldn’t be dating or in a relationship when I’m in this state of mind. It’s not good for me. Every new rejection will only cut deeper and bring me further away from healing. Besides, I can’t even let a man in at this moment. I have too many walls. I got single last summer, and a few months ago I had a few dates again, with some guy I met through a friend – but when I discovered that I started to like him, everything blocked inside me. I just couldn’t feel a thing anymore. So I did a pre-emptive strike and ended it with him (otherwise he probably would’ve ended it with me a few weeks later, cause that’s how it always goes). This time I just decided I wanted to be the first – and because I couldn’t feel anything, it was easy to do that.

    After that there hasn’t been a man in my life and there probably won’t be a man any time soon. It’s fine with me. I am not looking for love right now, because I can’t let it in anyway. I’m too damaged to open up. My friends tell me not to lose hope, but I just don’t have any hope right now. I only feel like a big failure, because I am 31 years old and not even able to keep a man. I wanna work on that first. There must be some way I can gain my crushed self esteem back, I hope…

  • Dothebedn

    I dont see any reason for relationships. Why do we have them? Because others have them, because society tells us to? I was always happier when I wasnt in a relationship. This could be because the girls I dated had issues, or that I was an only child and grew up by myself most of the time.

    There are many men that are jerks, and many women that are no better. Sure there are those men and women that are the good ones, but I find it is easier to not pick rather then running the risk of picking another bad one.

    Lot of people say relationships are great because of the sex. Well as I stated before, sex never did it for me. I’ll take a night of listening to Mötley Crüe or some early days Metallica over sex. I find it to be a big waste of time that could be spend doing something constructive. This is probebly due to a low sex drive, which I have no interest trying to increase.
    If I thought of sex and women all the time, my life would be composed of chasing women and trying to get laid. A major waste of time and energy that could be used somewhere else, like fixing up the back yard or installing the new bathroom.

    One thing though of relationships is to have kids, but I dont care to have any kids, at least not now and maybe never. I also think there is far too many people on this planet already and that in 40 years there could be an issue of over polulation. Maybe.

    But in the grand scheme of things, our lives are actually pretty much nothing. In the whole of time, humanity has been around for less then a blink. In the vast universe Earth is astronomically tiny.

    Then the question of free will comes into play. Does it really exist or is all our thoughts and actions based souly on expirences, causing reactions in multiple ways so that it generates the illusion of free will, and we think it is free will, but in reality we are nothing but fleshy automatons?

  • Kyra

    Dothbedn

    Sex is good, very good… but if you are assexual you have the right to be and perhaps it’s a more evolved way of being(?)
    But sex is good and women do like it… they don’t usually obcess with it in the same way men do.

    Rebecca(s)

    feeling and acknowledging the pain is important. Women are under a lot of pressure to always be nice, balanced, and good. I say screw that! You have to be only good to yourself to begin with first… without any other goal. If you are healed you are healed. period.
    If you are not, pretending or making an effort to appear to, or get there, won’t do anything.. You are angry and have the right to be so if kicking some men that are really asking for it, is what you want to do.. do it. If they are asking for it!

    Women sometimes look like they are afraid of being agressive and acting as such… we are denying our power if we deny our pain and aggresivness!
    It will eventually go away… the pain..

    Also getting balanced just to find the right mate is a good looking wrong goal. You are your mate… if no one else comes in life to act as such, besides you, that’s fine! You get balanced and healed for no one else besides yourself. Doing anything masked as self esteem to be in a position of finding a good men is putting a man in the center of your life, leadind to disaster! In that position you are always placed to be rejected. With you in the center, you can’t be rejected!
    But now I recommend some kicking and screaming and male bashing in your privacy, and adrenalin activities… and avoidness of any passive depression.
    If I slaped you you would have the right to slaped me back, a man steps on you… and you “have” to forgive him? because you are a “good” woman, and have to be strong and forget what he did??? and heal to find a new mate… blá blá???? For Christ sake…
    It’s not you! It’s them! you are capable of being kept by a man thay are the ones incaple of keeping you. You don’t have to keep anyone, they are the ones who should be fighting like dogs to keep you!
    Don’t let this twisted social cultural male psychology imposed on women make you feel you are the one to blame! You are not !

    My Samantha’s favorite quote is ” Honey I love you, i really do, but I love me more!

    So love yourself more and blame them, don’t put that burden only upon yourself!

  • Caz

    Rebecca,

    I am similar age to yourself, and I am facing the rest of my life being single. But I am not scared about it. I am happy about it. I love being on my own and I never feel lonely. I have my faith in God, and so I like to see myself as in a relationship with myself and the universe. It really is an amazing empowering feelings to be an independent self-sufficient woman. I have a great job, interesting hobbies, loads of wonderful positive friends, and I love my life just the way it is. I have no time or need at all for a man and it is the best feeling in the world after everything I’ve been through with controlling evil men.

    How about you concentrate on just being friends with men for now? Don’t rush into anything. Just build your trust up with them but never give your heart and trust completely. Always trust in yourself and your own gut feelings way more than a man. Intuition is the key. We have to be one step ahead of them and understand at all times what their true motives are. But maybe, just enjoy getting to know them as friends and nothing more for now? If one is meant to be then he will be the one for you and you will know it in your heart without a shadow of a doubt. If he’s a good guy he won’t pressure you before you’re ready. He will wait until you have recovered and are happy within yourself again. I’m sure you have so much going for you and being in a relationship with a man is not the be all and end all of our existence of women. Just because you haven’t met the right one does not mean that you are a failure. The world is your oyster. You are still young. You are free and single. Enjoy your life. You have no annoying man to tie you down : )))

  • Rebecca

    Kyra, you are so absolutely right with what you say.
    I’ve always thought that the whole ‘programmed behaviour’ for women didn’t get to me, but now that I read all the posts here, I have to get back on that. Maybe it did get to me. Maybe I’m more programmed to be nice than I think.

    And that is also something that makes me very angry. We have been programmed from birth to be nice, sweet, forgiving, caring, and so on. An outrageously angry woman is not accepted. You’ll be called hysterical, overly emotional, a freak, a bitch…well, you name it. I’m sure you know all the synonims that are used to describe her.

    And now I discovered that is also a way of keeping us ‘smaller’. If a woman is furious, you don’t acknowledge her right to be so. You call her hysterical, overreacting and emotional. You don’t take her serious. You reject her. Cause let’s be honest: what man listens to an angry woman? Instead of that they run like hell and call us drama queens: they punish us with their rejection because we are not showing the socially acceptable behaviour for a woman.

    Even the self help books are like that. Always with the advice like “if you are angry, don’t show it, just talk to him with a normal, relaxed tone, because if you get angry, it will lead nowhere with him”. So we do. We suppress our feelings of anger, because the entire society tells us that we will never keep a man if we show our anger. We swallow and try to bring up the topic in a nice and sweet way. Thus: we have to manipulate him into doing what we want, because if we would show how we really feel, he would never do it and we would even lose him. All men always complain that women are manipulating bitches, but they never ask themselves once how it ever got so far!

    It’s really true. This conditioned behaviour is deeper than I thought it was. Most women don’t even notice that they are doing it, and other women who do notice, feel like they don’t have a choice. Because if you refuse to go with this, you’ll probably never find a good husband to build a family with. All the men will leave you for a woman who’s more “in control of her emotions”. (as in: more conditioned to be the nice, sweet girl)

    I saw that behaviour with my own mother as well….my father never mistreated her or anything, but she is the typically passive woman. She was drilled to be like that from the day she was born. I always said “I never want to be that kind of woman”. And my parents always told me when I was younger: “No man is going to stay with you like that.” Well, it sounds like they were right after all, cause I’m 31 and still alone.

    And it’s not that I don’t like being alone. I mean: I can actually enjoy it, you know. Doing what I want, whenever I want… But I don’t want that for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be 60 and still alone. I don’t want to be found dead in my house after a few weeks because nobody came by earlier, you know what I mean? Alone is fine, but not forever.

    Maybe you are right and I shouldn’t put the blame on myself. I really hope one day I will feel it like that. You said “they are the ones who should be fighting like dogs to keep you” – and you are right. But now, the fact that none of them fought like a dog to keep me, only tells me that there’s something wrong with ME. Otherwise they would fight for me, right? It’s a twisted logic inside that head of mine, I know. I just hope I can get rid of that thought pretty soon.

    I realize I might have a long way to go, but if it’s gonna spare me the pain of constantly being rejected, it’s worth it.

  • Rebecca

    Caz, that might be a good idea. Although a part of me says: with my last ex, I was friends first for over a year. We told each other EVERYTHING. He was the most pure and good person I’ve ever met.
    Nevertheless, he still dumped me (of course). Another one on the list who thought I wasn’t worth some extra effort.

    Until today, he still claims that he has feelings for me, but that ‘we are not a good match for life’. Right. If I was really special to you, you’d put in some effort to make it work, instead of dumping me and not even trying. He totally jumped to conclusions with a lot of things. He didn’t even ask me if these conclusions were true.

    But hey, that’s how men are. Not thinking with their heart, but only with their head (and their dick). Women are just disposable things to them. If a woman isn’t perfect (as in: exactly what you pictured the perfect woman to be in your head), you just dump her with the garbage and find a new one. You definitely don’t talk about things with her. You don’t say it if she does something you don’t like. You don’t try to compromise. You just keep silent, make a positive/negative list in your head and count the negative things twice.
    After a few weeks, you have found enough reasons to tell yourself that she’s not the one – and you get rid of her. Just like that.

    Anyway, this relationship was kind of like ‘the final blow’ for me. If you shared everything together as friends for over a year – and you become a couple and even HE gives you up, then there’s really no hope anymore. Then it’s really the end of the story with you and relationships.

    You are right, I’m still young. But on the other hand, in 5 years from now I will definitely not be interesting for a man anymore, because I’m almost too old to deliver children. The men prefer to look for a younger girl then, who can go a few extra rounds, you know what I mean… So if I’m not of any interest to them now, I sure won’t be of any interest when I’m late 30′s.

    Right now I just decided I’m gonna take some time for myself. I really, really need it.

  • Caz

    Rebecca

    Men are incapable of loving unconditionally. There only work on conditions and if you don’t meet their specific criteria then they don’t want to know about going into a relationship with you. They don’t care about your feelings. They are only out for themselves and making themselves happy. I’m sorry but that is the brutal truth. Men are selfish. Men lie. Men are brilliant manipulators. I can’t feel sorry for you because I think you are so much better off without one in your life, just like I am better off. I can’t stand them.

    Would you ever consider becoming a lesbian? Women know how to make each other happy and love each other unconditionally. xx

  • Kyra

    QUOTE: [ Maybe you are right and I shouldn’t put the blame on myself. I really hope one day I will feel it like that. You said “they are the ones who should be fighting like dogs to keep you” – and you are right. But now, the fact that none of them fought like a dog to keep me, only tells me that there’s something wrong with ME. Otherwise they would fight for me, right? It’s a twisted logic inside that head of mine, I know. I just hope I can get rid of that thought pretty soon.

    I realize I might have a long way to go, but if it’s gonna spare me the pain of constantly being rejected, it’s worth it.] Rebecca

    Well is a bit like maths. Psychology is like maths, it’s predictable. If you do certain things a certain way you can expect certain results… The only problem you have is the way you are positioning yourself in your life… and wishing that wolves act like sheep!
    When you said “Otherwise they would fight for me” you are saying that they still are the center of your life! What if they don’t fight?? It’s not the point! Don’t make the motive of your actions be about men ever! It’s because you are positioning yourself that way that you are positioning yourself to rejection!
    And you’ll continue to be… Why? You are telling them… “Master I’m am here at your orders and at your disposal. You’ll tell me if I’m worthy of you or not!, but please tell me I am or you’ll be hurting me! My emotions are completely dependent on your acception of me”- You are giving them ALL the power.. upon yourself! Your putting the B before the A and it’s A+B with A for you, first and then B.

    If you don’t expect nothing from them, it will be more likely that they sense a woman who is not expecting for them to value her and then more likely that when they see a dog going for hert, the others will want a piece too… It’s a probability it’s not exact. And you can’t make your actions for that goal… it’s the wrong placing… But placing yourself in the right position makes it more likely to happen.

    On being afraid of staying alone… i can’t help you with that! Because I know that until you think like that, you are going in the wrong direction, and you have to see it for yourself.
    You don’t have to be alone for life … you just have to lose the fear of being alone! Fear makes people do silly things! And fear of being alone makes women lose themselves over a man! Until they realize that… they will always be headed for emotional slavery!

    Loosing the fear will increase your chance of finding someone nice… but if you loose the fear,just to act as if you have lost it, BECAUSE you want to find someone, you haven’t actually lost it!

    Sorry, I’m a bit tough… but I really wish you can see it through!

  • Caz

    I totally agree with you Kyra. The men have all the power and control when they think we need them are afraid of being alone. Another way society has brainwashed us women into believing that we ‘need’ men. So what if you want end up being alone at 60? You can either be a happy single 60 yr old with lots of friends and a great life, or you could be a miserable 60 yr old tied down to a controlling abusive man who only wants to destroy you. Mmm, which one do i want to be?

  • Kyra

    (continuing with Rebecca)

    You can’t find someone until you have found yourself… You are wanting someone to find you and then you’ll think that you’ll have found yourself through them.

    I’ll be quiting my cynicism by saying this… : I’m not for believing that a woman is supposed to be alone for life! If she finds someone nice that’s cool! And if they exist they probably are in the I Love Men website! Not here!
    I still say prince charming doesn’t exist… but maybe it is possible to find a mate that really respects you and treats you properly! I don’t know! That’s why being in the center of your life you’ll be demanding higher quality standars from men!

    If they don’t exist… It’s really up to you… If you want to be with someone less than great that will still probably leave you… pretend to be married to you while screwing teenagers… Or if you adopt a child, and reverse things, by you playing with men for whatever amount of time they last!

    Older woman are beautiful and sexy! If they are powerful, they really are…
    Believing a women is ugly, or beyond certain age is not atractive, or having a certain figure because men don’t like it! Is to give men power over women! Is to make them the motive behind our existence and being! Does any woman really wants to go back a few centuries?

  • Kyra

    Caz

    Nice to see you’re finding yourself

    ;)

  • Rebecca

    @ Caz:

    It’s really exactly as you say: men don’t love unconditionally. They only love you if you fit their standards (which is not really love, if you ask me). As soon as you’re not the way they want you to be, they show you the door without caring even one bit about it.
    I really wonder how they can be like that. Is it in their genes? Or is it the result of upbringing and society? Cause if it’s learnable, I would really like to get these skills towards men….it would make my life so much easier.

    I must say it’s pretty tough to discover that there is really not one good man in this world. What kind of disillusion have they brought us women up with? All our lives we have been taught that good men do exist…was it all a lie? And if it’s all a lie, then why did they taught us that?

    And no, I would never consider to become a lesbian. I don’t think a lesbian is something you can ‘become’. Your either born a lesbian or you’re not. Unfortunately I’m straighter than straight. I think women are great, just not sexually. I don’t feel attracted to them in that kind of way. And I think it would be pretty silly if I would only turn to women because I’m disappointed in men.

    Besides, I knew many lesbian girls in the past, and in most cases, their relationships were just as messy as mine. Maybe it’s not about gender, maybe love and emotions just screw everything up between people.

    About the being alone at 60: of course I’m not saying that every single 60 year old must be unhappy and sad. Of course you can have a good life. But it’s not really the way I wanted things for myself. Most people want to grow old with somebody instead of alone, right?
    And to be honest, it just sucks to be the only single person in your entire group of friends. To always be alone at Christmas, Valentine’s Day and all these other terrible couple-moments. Always be the 5th wheel of the wagon, because society is designed for couples, not singles.
    So yeah, if it turns out that I’m still alone at 60, of course I will make the best of it. But it’s not how I want to see that for myself right now. A part of me still hopes to find somebody good. Not because I can’t be alone (I’m actually pretty much the loner-type), but just because it’s nice to be together as well.

    I must say that I feel very lucky that I already have a son. He’s 10 years old and he’s so amazingly beautiful. So there’s no biological clock ticking like crazy – though I do want to have a real family with the right person. But if I don’t find the right person, I am happy with what I have. I would never go to a sperm bank or something just to have more children. So that’s a big plus. I see other women around me, 35+ and still single, and they are really freaking out because they don’t have children yet. I’m happy that’s not the case with me, otherwise I would probably feel even crappier now.

    I don’t know, I guess some part of me just hoped that it wouldn’t come down to these 2 choices: either be alone at 60, or be tied up by a dominant man. I just hoped for something in the middle: be together with a nice man who loves me for what I am. But if that’s not in the cards, then yes, I prefer to be alone. That’s always better than being lonely together.

    @ Kyra:
    It’s ok that you are ‘tough’ on me, I appreciate your honesty very much. :-)
    I think you are right and that I should put myself in the center. If men do it, why wouldn’t we do it, right? The problem is that being cold and selfish is damn hard, because it’s totally not in my nature. I guess my problem is that I’m just too genuine and open.

    You know, I have been picking up my life for quite some time now. I got my son at a pretty young age, so I never finished an education. I’m now in my second year of university for my BA degree and I am very proud at myself for doing that. It goes very well, and from the way it looks now, I will have my BA in 2 years with really good grades. I’m very proud of that, it gives me such a good feeling to do that for myself. It’s also a very good example for my son. I don’t want him to have a mother that never achieved anything useful in life. I don’t want him to get the idea that women are passive creatures, born to serve a man. I want him to have a good example, so that he’ll become a man that is respectful towards women and treats them good.

    My study gives me a very good feeling about myself as well. It gives me the feeling that I really AM somebody. Somebody that can achieve things for herself, somebody who is capable of doing that. I always had a good pair of brains and it just bothered me that I’ve ‘wasted’ them. So the decision to go back to study did me a lot of good. If you feel good about yourself, it’s good for your self esteem as well. So I won’t give up on that. Come what may come, but I’m gonna have that degree in 2 years from now and nothing’s gonna stop me!

    On a personal level, I don’t really know in what direction to go yet, but at least the study is something no one can ever take away from me. I hope that I can figure out (together with my shrink) how I can build up myself inside again. I can remember that I had periods in my life when I really didn’t care if I would ever have a partner or not, and I remember how free and good I felt. I want to have that back. I don’t want to care anymore.

    What you say about older women is totally true….I agree with you 100%, but unfortunately it’s not how society works. It might indeed be outdated, but these ‘rules’ still apply these days. I wish I could change the world and all the humiliating men/women views, but unfortunately I can’t. I think the reason why all my relationships fail, is just becáuse I don’t want to go back a few centuries. Otherwise I would’ve been married long time ago, and just be a house wife with a few kids now, dependent on her husband for money, no own life, no job, nothing. If I could live with that, it would’ve happened long time ago. But I know that’s not what will make me happy. I know I can’t live like that for the next 40 years of my life. I want equality. I want to be loved and accepted and respected for what I am – and maybe I should be happy that all of these guys dumped me and continued their search for another ‘slave’. I don’t wanna be that slave, that’s for sure.

    But still … I do have to get used to the idea that I might never find a soulmate. I do have to get used to the idea that such a thing as ‘soulmate’ maybe not even exists. There’s a lot of work to do for me the next few years, but I want to learn. I really love the things written on this site. You girls might not always be easy on each other, but everything you write is true. And (most important): it’s been said with good intentions. Not with manipulations to get something from one another, like men do. But just because you girls here have each other’s best interests at heart. I like that!

  • Kyra

    QUOTE: ["You are right, I’m still young. But on the other hand, in 5 years from now I will definitely not be interesting for a man anymore, because I’m almost too old to deliver children. The men prefer to look for a younger girl then, who can go a few extra rounds, you know what I mean… So if I’m not of any interest to them now, I sure won’t be of any interest when I’m late 30’s."]

    ["What you say about older women is totally true….I agree with you 100%, but unfortunately it’s not how society works. It might indeed be outdated, but these ‘rules’ still apply these days. I wish I could change the world and all the humiliating men/women views, but unfortunately I can’t"] Rebecca

    We can’t control other people only ourselves… When i said that i was saying that if I agree with that idea of when i get 35 no men will want me and feel bad about it, i’ll be putting men in center of my life instead of myself! I know how society is, i’m a very cynical person most of the time…
    I know what the media wants us to believe… it doesn’t mean I want to be hypnotized either! A few centuries ago woman themselves believed to be inferior to men! It was convenient to men that it was that way! Today it is convenient to men and corporations, that women feel the need to look like 25 when they are 50, is that convenient to you? Is that love to you?
    You can’t make someone treat you as they love you. They decide for themselves if they want to do it! You can decide for yourself if your thoughts, actions, decisions, choices are ways of loving yourself or not!
    I don’t care if society agrees, it’s not convenient nor do I want to agree with the idea that women after 35 are as good as dead or living hags!
    Tomorrow they’ll be selling (like in the 50′s) that women are good for the kitchen and serving their husbands… and am i going to fall for that?
    Are you?
    If society believes it and all men as dumb as they are, believe it too… is it still worth to be with a dumb ass? I wonder where Madonna would be today if she believed that after 35 she should retire!

    Society is a place where people think what they want to think! If they agreed with everything, then men would have already stopped being the jerks they always think they are not and society sells they are not… and that it’s women’s faut!

    “If a man is really uncapable of loving you after 35 he’s not worth it” here’s what i invite you to believe! Cause if you get him before 35, when you do 35, he’s not going to want you and leave you still, so why do you need him?
    You can’t change the world, you can change your actions towards yourself that change your life and bring you happiness! Like someone said, men go to bed with anything that moves… they are not good to measure your sexiness, you are!

    Men don’t choose to be atracted, they just can’t help it! And i don’t see the point of men inventing the word MILF, if that meant that it’s not worth it to them after 35! But there’s a difference between Love and sexual atracction. And Love will still think you’re beautiful with 99 years old! So when the big wolves come knocking on your door saying they are”Hey sexy thing! It’s Love!”, be sure you recognize the difference. Cause you eitheir want to feel good with the idea that you attract and excite male hormones, or you want to see proactive actions of Love done to you!
    If you think that you’ll be finished by 35 than you’ll be selling yourself for a cent, and you’ll find very low quality buyers… Mona Lisa is 500 years old… look how much she’s worth!

  • Caz

    Rebecca

    I think you are amazing and intelligent. And you seem so determined to continue with your studies no matter what as you want to set a good example to your son. You should be so proud of yourself. You have brains and you want to use them – this is giving you so much self-esteem. And you are right about the lesbian thing, you can’t just turn into one, you either one or you aren’t. Luckily for me, I’m not attracted to men at all, but they still continue to sexually harass and manipulate me, but not anymore. I’m turning into a real cold bitch now, and if i have to brutally honest and vicious with them then I will. I am nearly 30 and have a nice figure and i like to make the most of my appearance. For some reason though men seem to think that women who look nice and who put effort into their appearance are actively searching for a man to go with, and they think they have the right to take advantage of single women. But I have to be very very assertive with them from now on – no more mrs nice woman.

    Also, I went through a phase many years ago, when i was confused about myself and my sexuality etc. I went with a few men, maybe got one drunk and used him. I was a complete bitch to them. I used them and then I dumped them. I ignored their calls and messages. But i didn’t feel good about it. I was consumed with guilt and couldn’t live with myself. I would never do something like that again. I am now very respectful and would want to be friends with a woman for awhile and really get to know her before being intimate with her. Then it would be very very special.

  • Star

    I totally feel you girl… i’m in the same position.

    I have been dating men casually and realized, they all want one thing… SEX! So lately, I’ve had my shield up and say “NO” to F-buddies when suddenly, this “nice” guy comes along. For a couple of weeks, he told me everything I wanted to here and no matter how much I laughed at his ideas, he was persistant and told me that I’ll see that we are meant for each other. He’s different from all those assholes out there. Then we have sex one night when I thought was right and guess what?! He’s just like all the guys! He stopped making ANY contact with me. I freakin hate them!

  • Caz

    @ Star

    They really are fucking assholes aren’t they? How are you feeling now? It sounds like you were manipulated into having sex with him, even against your will? Men are brilliant actors, and can really pull the ‘nice’ guy act off very well. Also they are very talented at telling you everything you want to hear to get what they want. They will make you feel wonderful and like at the top of the world. They will convince you that you are the love of their life and you are so meant to be together. But underneath the lies and manipulations, all the want is to get into your knickers to relieve their disgusting dicks. They don’t care about you. They don’t feel guilt or remorse. They have no shame. Then afterwards they will make you feel like you are the disgusting one. I’m so sorry that happened to you. It happened to me too, but when i was very drunk and unaware of what was going on. It was rape. I don’t care what anybody else says. It was fucking rape. That bastard raped me and i have to see him every day at work. I wish him dead.

  • http://deleted ironY

    You have much hatred in you.

    Is this site for real or veiled self parody?

  • Rebecca

    @ Kyra:
    No, the whole “being 50 but having to look like 25″ doesn’t strike me as love, no. I think that a lot of women feel forced to go with it, though. Things have become so much about looks and exterior the last decades, especially for women. And it is a bad thing, but I could understand if a lot of women don’t wanna fight against it. Cause it takes a lot of courage to stick your head out, and most of them just want a simple, relaxed life instead of stress and storm. Not all of us are fighters.

    By the way, the only reason Madonna is still in business, is because she doesn’t look her age. If Madonna comes up, everybody talks about how young she looks and wonders how she is doing that. With her money and connections, everybody would be able to look forever young. But for most of us, these possibilities are out of range.
    If Madonna looked like 50, wrinkled and all, no one would even look at her anymore.

    I don’t feel the need to run to a plastic surgeon and make myself look younger than I am. I would never do that (unless I would really have scars from an accident or something). But not just because I wanna look a few years younger. You are right with what you say about love and sex. If a man loves you, he will also loves you when you’re old. It’s just because of the whole society-pressure for women to look as young and attractive as possible, that it makes you think that after 35 no man will even consider a relationship with you anymore, because they’ll all be looking for the younger flowers.
    But on the other hand: for a good man it doesn’t matter – and for a bad man, well…I don’t want him anyway, so that type can walk straight back to hell, as far as I’m concerned.

    @ Caz:
    What you say about men, I noticed that as well. If you say you’re single and not looking, they just keep on trying. Like they are deaf, like it doesn’t even matter what you say. A women alone is out there for the taking, according to them. It just doesn’t want to enter their stupid brains that I might be ok with being single at this moment!

    I’m also done with Mrs. Nice Woman. It’s over with that. I am going to be very, very clear from now on, and I say things only once. If they don’t listen, I think I have all the right to put on the bitch-switch on them.

    @ Star:
    Damn, what an asshole (and in this case, that term even wins the understatement award of the day!). It’s unbelievable, they really have no conscience at all. These things keep stunning me…how can a person be so cruel and cold hearted, with absolutely no regards to another person’s feelings and emotions? What kind of person are you if you do such a thing?!

    It makes it kinda hard, you know…. You decide to keep your shield up, to protect yourself from assholes like this. But for some of them, it even makes the prize bigger. It’s not only the kill, but it’s also the hunt.
    That’s what has made me completely clueless with men. So right now I just decided that I don’t want any of them anymore. No matter what you do, it always turns out this way. You can go fast, you can take it slow, you can be close, you can give space, you can sleep with him on the spot or you can wait a while – believe me, I’ve tried it ALL. In the end it didn’t make any difference for the result: dumped and heartbroken.

    A small thing I have learned: if a guy starts to talk about you being the love of his life, and how the two of you are meant to be WITHIN SIX MONTHS OF THE RELATIONSHIP – run like hell, cause he only wants to sleep with you. So maybe that’s a nice thing to remember for the future.

    @ Caz, I’m really sorry to hear about the rape. Damn, you must have felt so horrible after that! To be tricked and used like that by a guy without any shame and remorse. I have the utmost respect for you that you’re able to look at his disgusting face at work every day. You never thought of revenge? I think I would’ve made his life a living hell. Especially when I’m in this state of mind as I am now.
    I’ve been cheated on a lot in the past, and really: the next guy who does that to me…let’s say that I’m afraid it’s not gonna end well. I wouldn’t be able to handle that humiliation another time, so he will bloody pay for it.

    @ Irony: Hell yeah this site is real! And to explain the hatred…well, read the stories here. One is even more horrible than the other. We all have very good reasons to hate men with every fiber of our body. Behind every big disappointment in my life, there has been a man. They are good for nothing but misery, lies, humiliation, back stabbing and cheating. I hate them from the bottom of my heart for how they use us. Disgusting, selfish, two-faced bastards, all of them.

  • Caz

    Rebecca

    I have made that man pay…well, I really hope so. I hope he’s gone through hell. I printed out all this sexual harassing emails he sent me before the rape and then showed them all to management. You are right I did feel horrible, but now I feel so much better for showing everyone that what a complete selfish asshole he is. He has no respect for women’s rights whatsoever. I think he is a low life scum bag who goes around acting like the big man. Thinking he’s like some cool hunter or sex predator who can get any woman he wants with the click of a finger. Told me I should be flattered to receive his unwanted annoying attention. I wish I’d seen the shock on his fucking ugly face when he found out I’d put in a sexual harassment complaint about him. I also told the police all about him too. See, I’m not a nice woman anymore – I am a bitch : ))

    Rebecca, you need to work on raising your self-esteem. Every day you should tell yourself you are a beautiful person, inside and out. But know that true beauty can’t be found in a mirror, it is found in your character and spirit. You don’t need a shallow man who only wants a young pretty girl to show off to his friends. You need a man who loves you unconditionally. Who would die for you. A man who doesn’t care what his stupid friends think, only what you think. A real man who has principles and integrity. Maybe you can do lots of research into your next man before showing him any interest? I’m sure there are good loyal men out there…you will find him, when the time is right. Just let go of your fear of ageing and growing old alone because that’s how men like us to think, it gives them so much control and power over us…its how our society runs. You don’t ‘need’ a man. You are not going to die without one. You have proved to yourself that you can survive without one and you was even happy at one time being single wasn’t you? I think most men only exist to cause us women nothing but pain and shame. They are out to damage and destroy for their own selfish purposes. Imagine how wonderful the world would be if men just ceased to exist? What a beautiful place that would be.

  • Mark

    You think you have it rough? That life is so hard, and you just cant find a good man? You think that it rough? You got it so easy that it is insulting that you complain.

    I have seen children starve to death because they were too weak to eat. I have seen parents cry over their dead children who they were forced to watch get killed.

    There are countelss people that dont know if they will ever see another bit of food ever again. There are places in the world where the people there dont have any form of medication and a simple infection can kill them.

    There are people who live every day in fear.

    And here you are, complaining about your man troubles like it is the worst thing ever! Yes, men can be douche bags. But you pick yourself up and move on. At least you have that option.

    This is why so many people hate America, because you have it so easy and yet you complain about it.

    I have a wife, and we have our ups and downs, we sometimes fight. But my grandfather told me that the best relationship can only be achieved by working at it. It doesnt come on a silver platter.

    Before I met my wife I had plenty of bad realtionships with women. I learned which women were ok and which women I should stay away from.
    This applies to men to. You are having bad realtionships with men because you are choosing the wrong men.

    If you choose not to be in any more relationships then go for it, it is your life. But you have it way too easy. Seriously, quit complaining.

  • Kyra

    @ Mark

    I see where you’re coming from…. (or not). This is place to complain about men, it is not a place to take care about dying children. That is the hospital and UN, not here! Those who don’t like the complaints, can go some place else! And yes like you, i’ve see children starve to death and I’m not american! Now because some child is dying everyone should quit laughing, eating, relating with people, dancing in the whole world too? I already did my Angelina Jolie thing..
    The thing with men is that men are much less prone to feelings then women are… it’s easier for them to move on and trade women like a shirt. Women work a bit different… But if you were a woman you would know. And this is not a place where women listen much to what a man has to say… this is a place where women are mad, so beware! :P

    @Rebecca

    I don’t agree with you on Madonna, she still is where she is because she works really damn hard and because she puts herself first, before any men! If you read her bio and the way she did business and dealt with all those alpha males… it’s not just looks or sex that does that! She didn’t started with sucess the money and connections she has today, it was because she fouth for that!
    I don’t see many younger more good looking artists lasting as long as she is lasting… sorry is not just about the looks! – and I don’t think she is looking that young

    I’m not saying you have to be a fighter, or that you can’t have a relaxed life!
    I’m saying that knowing and choosing what you want to believe for yourself will help you have a more relaxed life!

    But if you already quit those ideas of death at 35, well you got the point then!..
    :)

  • Rebecca

    @ Mark:
    First of all, I’m not American. I’m Dutch.
    Second of all, I do feel sorry for all those people in the world who don’t have any food, but I really think it would be ridiculous to minimize all my own problems because of the fact that there are people whose life is worse.
    Hunger, war, danger and all these other things are bad, they really are. But you are basically saying that I have no right to feel sad, only because there are people in the world who are feeling more sad. That’s total bullshit.

    I had a grandfather who told me the exact same thing about relationships: that it’s not always heaven on earth and that one should work at it. Unfortunately I think he was the last man on this planet who lived up to that motto, cause the rest of the men these days DO want to have it all coming on a silver platter. And if it doesn’t, they dump you, because after all, it’s only about them, right? Who cares what the girl feels or wants! Working for the relationship? Hell no. She should be perfect to start with, and otherwise, she can go.

    About choosing the wrong men: 5 years ago I would’ve agreed with you. But these days it doesn’t apply to me anymore. I took a 2 year break from men and dating in 2006, because I was tired of all these wrong men. After that I was changed, I build up myself well enough to feel attracted to the right men.
    Problem: they don’t want me either. They are no less selfish then wrong men, because women are just disposable objects to men.

    It’s really the favorite phrase of a man to defend himself to say that there are bad women too. Well, yeah, there are. But definitely not as much as there are bad men. Most women who treat men like crap, are like that for a reason. Maybe there are a few exceptions, but the majority of them became like that after being treated like garbage for years. They feel like they are entitled to do the same and I can’t blame them. It’s good to know there are at least a few women in this world who give men what they deserve.
    That might sound harsh and bold, but that’s how I see it. Because when we are good to men, what do we get? We’re lied to and cheated on, we’re not appreciated, we’re dumped and talked bad about. No man in the world ever changed his behaviour cause he had a good woman. On the contrary: the good women among us are mostly the ones that are getting burned the most!

    So yeah, I’m fine with the fact that there are some women acting like bitches towards men, and put them through the same kind of hell that they always put us through. I don’t have it in me, because I’m not that type of person, but when I see some sisters behaving the same way men behave to us, it gives me a good feeling because I know at least somebody is trying to settle the score. I used to talk bad about these women before, because I thought they were ruining the men and the good girls like us had to pay the price for that, but now I realize that’s not true. A man will always treat you like shit if he gets the chance, cause it’s in their nature.

    Besides, the amount of bad women is really nothing compared to the amount of bad men. Men definitely lead when it comes to manipulating, using, lying, cheating and even abuse. Have you ever been approached by a married woman who told you she’s happy in her relationship, only to ask you 5 minutes later if you want to go to her hotel room with her? How many men are in abuse shelters compared to the amount of women?
    There might be a few bad ones of us, but it’s nothing compared to how men have treated us for centuries, and how the majority of them still treats us now.

    I must say that your post is pretty lecturing. Typical male to tell a woman to ‘quit complaining’. Yeah, imagine that you would take her pain seriously, THAT would be too crazy. Better tell her that she’s not entitled to feel what she feels because there are people in the world whose life sucks more. :-S Another irritating trait of men: always ridiculize the feelings of a girl.

    @ Caz:
    You go, girl! Good that you did at least something. But what did the management do? As far as I can see from your posts, they didn’t fire him. Did he get at least an official warning for the sexual harassment or something? Or is he just getting away with it cause men always get freed with the excuse that ‘they can’t help it and they are just like that’?

    I had a period where I was indeed single and happy with it. I really want to get that feeling back, because I felt so free! I really do agree with you that the majority of men only walks around on this planet to crush women’s hearts. I somehow think they are finding pleasure in that, that it boosts their ego and that they laugh about our pain. Of course they always come up with the “I have feelings too, I’m not a stone”-story, but it’s crap. If you really had a heart, you would never treat another human being this way. They only tell us that they have a heart because if we believe that, it makes it easier for them to crush us. They don’t have feelings. They only ‘love’ you if you are what they want you to be.

  • Caz

    @ Mark
    How dare you come on to our website and tell us how wrong we are to feel how we do? Who the hell do you think you are? Get lost!! This is a specific place where broken hearted women can go to vent their feelings and emotions in peace and without worry or made to feel guilty for it. Men commit so many injustices against women all the time, and we are just supposed to deal with it, and get over it? Bad feelings need to be expressed and not kept inside and ignored, and I for one am so glad I have this website ‘I hate men.’ So what are doing here? Why can’t you just leave us alone to bitch about you all. IT MAKES US FEEL BETTER! You are just another example of a selfish cold man who doesn’t give a shit.

    @ Rebecca
    What are management doing about the rapist? Probably give him a warning, a little slap on the wrist and ‘you were naughty, don’t do it again.’ He is probably painting my name black and making up stories about how I seduced and manipulated him. He was convinced that i found him attractive. Of course at the time i was too gutless to tell him that 1. i was a lesbian and 2. that i didn’t fancy him at all. So he just assumed that because i was single, i was easy game and after getting me drunk and manipulating me all night he could force me into a relationship with him. He really was dillusional.

    Anyway, its all out now and people at work will probably suspect i’m a lesbian sooner or later anyway. But that’s good, cos then he will look like an even bigger idiot for what he did. I really hate him. and I hate myself for allowing him to trick me like that. He took advantage of my very nice and trusting personality. Now i can’t trust anybody. I daren’t even look at a man anymore in case he thinks i’m in love with him or something. It’s really scary actually how these delusional guys think and how in love with themselves they really are. The guy at my work so needs to get a mirror and look at himself cos he’s really not all that and so needs to get over himself.

  • Greece

    I used to hate men myself, I hated every last one of them. All the relationships I was in were disaster. The guys were self centered and had big egos.

    I wanted every man on the planet to die. The hate for them pretty much consumed me. I lost my job, my house. I could feel nothing but hate for men and blamed them for ruining my life. It got so bad that I nearly ran over a kid in my car who was walking home from school, thinking “Sure he is a kid, but he will grow up to be a man and I wont have it!” I missed him because he jumped, not because I had second thoughts. If he didnt jump he would of been killed.

    I wanted to kill every man I saw, and was about it. I bought a gun and headed to where ever there were a large number of men ready to kill every last one of them.

    I parked and was about to go out and shoot them, when some voice in me told me not to. I looked in the mirror and saw what I had become. I had hated men so much that I had become worse then them. I had become a monster. When I looked out I saw I was at a park and there were a lot of men there, who were with their kids or wifves or girlfriends. Some old couples too. I realized then that the men that I had been with were not all men, they were just some men that were jerks.

    I had blamed every man for the handful of men that I had been with. I later started dating a guy, and he was wonderful. He never asked for anything in return, and always wanted to make me happy. The reason why we are no longer together now isnt because he cheated on me or anything. Cancer too him, and the last words he told me before he died was that he loved me.

    There are many bad men out in the world, but there are also many good men too.

  • Kyra

    Greece, i loved your story…
    See… even the good men don’t last, they cheat on us with cancer! Damn!

    Men don’t deserve to die or to be killed, that’s too good for them… (even because God can be a male, and if that’s right, oh boy, we’re in trouble).
    Men deserve to stay down here and live long so they can make themselves really stupid when they are impotent and aren’t able of having sex anymore! And get one of those gold diggers just waiting for him to die, to stay with the money while she screws a six-pack!
    Death???… No!!! … Cut their little heads off! that is revenge! AHAHAHAHA!! (Sorry i’m a bit of a II World War German fascist mad scientist woman when it comes to men… -some remains of men’s Frankstein experiments on me!)

    There’s not many good men… there’s more women then man, and most men are jerks, a quarter of them are gay… and most women are pissed off, but a few lucky ones do get the minority quality that stil manages to remain uncorrupted… probably your guy was an angel… that’s why he had to go… he couldn’t last much time down here!

    You are lucky!

    (…and that kid walking from school too)

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