hate

I hate men. I hate the games that have to be played with them.I hate the fact that they want women so bad sexually, if you have sex with them too quickly, they leave. It hurts so bad. I hate to think of how many men I have had sex with (only because I desire intimacy/closeness) and KNOW that I meant nothing to them (and vice versa). I’ve only had 2 real boyfriends, but several partners.

I hate the way men try to give you the bare minimum, but will take everything if you allow them to. The other day I was texting with a guy that likes me and I told him that I had gotten laid off of my job. He then says, “oh, you’re at home?” After I tell him yes, he proceeds to ask me if he can come over and watch tv with me. Call me crazy, but that made me so so angry! He has never ever invited me out to dinner, lunch, a movie, bowling, or any other type of date, but he wants to come over my house, kick off his shoes, watch my cable on my tv, sitting on my couch, in my house, where I don’t even know how I’m going to pay rent at this month. If there is one thing I know about men (especially those that will invite themselves over to your place of residence, or you to theirs) they want to try to establish some false sense of intimacy with you, put their arm around you, touch your leg, try to kiss you, eventually hoping it will lead to sex. All without them ever having to spend a dime on a damn date.

I hate men who approach me who are way out of their league. And I get so frustrated with myself for being so damn polite to them, and not wanting to hurt their feelings.

I hate how I have to pretend not to like the guys that I’m really interested in, knowing that if I pretend that I couldn’t care less about them, they will chase me to the ends of the earth. But if I am genuine and authentic, and show that I like them, they really aren’t interested. It’s the most unnatural thing in the world to pretend as if you don’t like someone when you actually do.

For every man that I have ever had sex with, I hate you. I hate you for making me feel worthless in your eyes, when I was simply trying to share a part of myself with you. I hate you for making me doubt myself. I hate you for making me have such a negative outlook on men. I hate you for making me cry. I hate you for not even making the sex worth my time.

This post was submitted by monykah.

181 Responses to “hate”

  1. Avatar of Rebecca Rebecca says:

    I don’t know about the romance novels….I stopped reading them a longgggg while ago. :-) To be honest, I think they’re part of the whole “illusion created for women”, teaching them that love is always accompanied by pain and high emotions. The more of the rollercoaster it is, the deeper you apparently love him.

    I strongly oppose that kind of image. It basically tells women to endure a lot of misery from a man, because mostly the types of men in these romance novels are really bad news! But in the end, no matter how much she suffered, it always has a happy end and eventually she gets the love she wanted.

    It’s the most twisted image of love ever. It portraits women as passive and naive girly-types, and the man as the strong alpha male that sweeps her off her feet with one look. After that the misery starts, but after a lot of pain and tears for the woman, there’s a happy end. It’s not realistic at all, because from my own wide experience I know: good girls don’t win. And men don’t ever change, especially not for a woman.

    They make us believe in these novels that we can ‘heal’ them, that our love can cure them and turn them into the kind of men we need. That’s also a reason why so many women stay in crappy relationships: because they believe he will change.

    I also stopped reading these self-help books about men and relationships. In most cases, it’s a step-by-step manual for women to put tons of energy into manipulating your boyfriend into the man you want him to be. Full of advices, like “if you don’t want to lose him, don’t do this”, “if you don’t want to scare him off, don’t say that”. A complete guideline how to be NOT yourself, basically – while he sits back and relaxes with all the space to be totally himself.
    And the crappy thing is: most women know it’s necessary if you want to keep your man. Gameplaying and walking on your toes is needed. If you did a few things he doesn’t like, you’re out. He would never talk to you about it and say what is bothering him. He just makes a list in his head with your positive and negative things – and he counts the negative things double. After a short while, you’re suddenly out of the picture, while you had no idea that anything was wrong. Men can dump you without even blinking their eyes. They look for perfection – and if you’re not perfect, you’re gone.

    The only book I made (and make) an exception for, is “He’s just not that into you”, written by Greg Behrendt. He’s really my guru. I’ve got a whole new perspective on men and dating since I read his book. You know it? It’s really a great book and everything he says is 100% true. Maybe we shut put parts of it on the site here!

    It’s good to read that you are truly happy on your own, I’m sure the majority of women are not, even though they want everybody to believe they are. Some of them may be fine with it for a while, but definitely not for the rest of their lives. So be proud, cause you are doing something that almost nobody is capable of!

  2. Caz says:

    I just get all the love I need through my faith. I like to see myself as being in a relationship with myself and the universe. It’s very enlightening and empowering actually. I think the best relationship is the one with yourself and i highly recommend it other women. How much better the world would be if they had that attitude. Too many women fall for the wrong guy, get pregnant, have crappy marriages, divorce, become man haters etc. Their careers ruined because they had too many kids etc. And you were right what you said before, having children doesn’t affect men, cos it is the woman who has to sacrifice and give stuff up in order to look after the children that the man isn’t even interested in.

    What tips can you give us from your favourite book?

  3. Avatar of Rebecca Rebecca says:

    The general idea is: Men are not complicated, although they’d like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages.
    If he’s behaving weird, the truth may be: he’s just not that into you.

    The first 11 out of 16 chapters have titles that begin with the phrase “He’s Just Not That Into You If” and end with putative sins such as “If He’s Not Calling You,” “If He’s Not Having Sex With You,” “If He’s Having Sex With Someone Else,” and “If He Doesn’t Want to Marry You”, etcetera.
    Women like to find a lot of excuses, like “maybe he’s not over his ex yet”, “maybe he’s afraid of commitment”, “maybe he doesn’t wanna ruin our friendship”, etcetera. Greg Behrendt kills all these excuses and tell us plainly: if he is sending mixed messages, he’s just not that into you – cause a guy that’s totally into you, would never take the risk to act weird and make you run away because of it.

    Here you can read the first chapter: http://www.usatoday.com/life/books/excerpts/2004-09-08-hes-just_x.htm

    It’s really a wonderful book and it makes you realize there’s only 1 reason when a man behaves complicated: he’s just not into you. Plain, simple and very true!

  4. Caz says:

    I understand about your book. Men are so very simple and predictable aren’t they. I have no time or interest in men anymore.

    That guy at my work isn’t bothering me anymore and he can’t even give me eye contact when we walk passed each other! Woohoo! He knows that he was in the wrong and so he should be feeling guilty for being so disrespectful towards women. Girl power!!!

    By the way, do you know what i learnt about men? If you look at one and smile at him, he will think he’s well in, and that you want to have sex with him. LOL! I don’t even look at them anymore…only women for me. xx

  5. Man says:

    Caz: If a women smiles at me, I think “She is being respectful towards me” instead of what you suppose: “She smiled at me so she must want to have sex with me.”

    Rebecca: Men are not complicated creatures in terms of psychologically structure. In anatomy and physiology, humanity is a very complex system of organs :-) (I do not believe in Evolution by the way) Men can be complex creatures in thought processes, using logic and abstract thought.

    OP: All men are not sexually promiscuous, but it seems that you only find lustful men. These people are abominations of society for destroying the moral standards that civilization created years ago. Because of them and because of women who show off too much skin, I have disgust towards so many people. When I see someone wearing full clothes and being modest, I think “Now this is a person who is serious and is willing to uphold ethical beliefs in our dark world.”

    That was perhaps philosophical :-), but nonetheless, hate the men who think of women as objects of pleasure. But realize that there are men who respect women as fellow people in a world filled with greed, corruption, and evil.
    I hope I can be considered one of those men.

  6. Meshelle says:

    Men are selfish, disrespectful and if the truth be told, they are just stupid when it comes to women and relationships. If he’s not acting right now, he definitely won’t be late
    r!

  7. CAZ says:

    @ Man

    I like what you have to say – finally there is an intelligent man out there to talk to. I agree with you and I’m also against overly sexual people who can’t control their urges, which they should keep to themselves. I also hate to see women showing off too much flesh in order to get attention or whatever it she hopes to achieve through dressing like she does. I like to see women who have self-respect and self-esteem which shows outwardly by dressing in a conservative and business like fashion. I myself like to dress ladylike which I think people admire so much more than a girl in skimpy clothes showing off all her body parts. I think when girls dress like that it makes them look quite stupid and easy…sorry. But at the same time, that doesn’t give any man the right to treat a woman disrespectfully because of how she dresses.

    I like a person who can use logic and abstract thought rather than existing on their emotions and impulses.

  8. Man says:

    Thank you, Caz. What I find about women showing off too much flesh is that they are being manipulated by society. People today think that having less clothes allows for freedom (which I find completely ridiculous) but actually when anybody shows off their body to another person, I think they are actually being subjugated to the whims of culture–look at entertainment. When a women dresses modestly, I believe that they are treating themselves better and that they are allowing themselves to be thought of as a person and not a gaudy ornament to look at.

  9. Cindyd says:

    I hate men!

  10. Man says:

    Cindyd: That was an enlightening idea you brought to the table.

    I’m sorry if you find that mean, but I just had to do it. :-)

  11. CAZ says:

    @ Man

    I do agree with you. Women who dress scantily are brainwashed by the media and TV, especially music video’s full of women flashing their perfect toned naked bodies, and who dance is suggestive sexual ways, all with the purpose of turning men on. These stupid men then go out into society and treat smart respectable women like they are simple sex objects who exist only for their pleasure. I can’t count how many men have talked to me like i was a sex object, and not an actual human being. But i don’t dress scantily, and i don’t wear that much make-up. I am simply attractive and so they think that gives them the right to talk to me like some stupid little woman needing a man to tell me he thinks i’m pretty. I wish i wasn’t so nice and could find the bitch in me to be rude to them, but i think it’s better to ignore them and give them no reaction. Have you seen the new Christina Aguiliera video? What does that encourage? Go out and sleep with as many as you can, men, women, dogs, anything that moves etc. What do you think?

  12. Rebecca says:

    @ Man: I agree with you, but on the other hand: even if you do dress normally, guys still treat you like a piece of meat. I really refuse to dress myself in long wide skirts with a blouse closed until my neck, so that they’d finally show me some respect or something. I’m sorry. I like to dress nicely, to bring my good traits forward and to feel confident and attractive. I’m a woman. It’s what we do. Not because all of us want attention and disgusting comments or proposals, but just because it’s nice to look nice.

    But in most cases right now, I’m like “a skirt? Nah, nevermind, I don’t feel like all the looks, comments and stupid lines”. (and then I’m not talking about a skirt with the size of a belt, but just a nice normal one)
    Even when you dress ‘just nice’ instead of overly sexy, they treat you like a piece of meat. For most of them it’s just in their nature.

  13. CAZ says:

    @ Rebecca

    I’m sick of them talking to me like that. Do you have any ideas on how to respond? What should we say to them? They need to know that their disrespectful behaviour is out of order and they shouldn’t be doing it.

  14. Rebecca says:

    I mostly just ignore them and give them my most arrogant face. But that doesn’t always help, I guess…some of them are so blind, stubborn and selfish that they just refuse to see your signals. So maybe say something that brings his ego down? Like “with you?? whahahahaha…..NO”. :P

  15. CAZ says:

    @ Rebecca

    I got chatted up by an old man while waiting for the elevator at work. I couldn’t believe it! All I did was look at him in a polite way, and he then proceeded to tell me how pretty i was and how he wished he had a girlfriend like me. He said he knew he was old but he could still chat women up blah blah blah etc.

    I just stared at him and didn’t know what to say. I mean, really? What the hell. I can’t even wait for an elevator in peace without being sexually harassed by an old pervert. I wanted to slap him actually, i really did. I like the thought of your arrogant face, i think i’ll start practising that. You are right, they are so blind and stupid and just try their luck with anything that moves i think. They have no shame at all.

  16. Rebecca says:

    @ Caz:

    Well, to be honest, you know, I hate the ones that hide it more. If a guy just acts like the asshole he is, I can relate to that. You know what is worse? The ones that try to hide it. The ones that pretend that they want you for your personality, the ones that pretend they’re looking for real love and something serious. These ones are much, much more dangerous than those sloppy eggheads who try to hit on you on the streets or in a store. At least you know what you’re up to with them: players, bye-bye. But the ones that pretend to be ‘different’, the ones that pretend to be the good guys….they are the ones who really kill you eventually. The ones that pretend they want to know you. And then screw you, screw you, screw you – until they’re done with you.

    I don’t have such a good day today, I guess. :( I really feel like shit.

  17. CAZ says:

    @ Rebecca

    I’m sorry you feel so bad. Has something recently happened to make you feel that way? How long have you been single? Are you actively looking for someone?

    I won’t ever be with a man again. But if there was ever the remote chance that I came across some sweet prince charming type guy who acted like ‘the one’ then I would really do my research on him. I would go on the internet to find stuff out about him. Talk to his friends and family. Maybe even do a thorough background check on him. I’m really not trusting but after what i have experienced in life it really is best not to be, for survival purposes you have to be observant and aware at all times. Only after I found all the necessary information about him, and built a good solid friendship with him over time would I then have sexual intercourse with him. But that would never happen, as the thought of being intimate with a man makes me want to vomit as it turns my stomach so bad. Men are master manipulators, but we women can be so much smarter than them, and catch them out before they get chance to do their damage.

  18. Rebecca says:

    @ Caz: I’ve been single for almost a year now. I’m not actively looking, because I just can’t. I’m not over my ex yet. I’m still beating myself up over the whole breakup and my self esteem went down the toilet completely. Today I just don’t see myself being happy ever again. I wouldn’t know how that would happen. There are really moments when I hate myself, when I totally stopped believing that there will ever be someone who thinks I’m worth enough to fight for. My entire freakin’ life I only met people who let me go like I was nothing. I feel like a worthless piece of shit and I just have no idea how all these damage inside me can ever go away…

  19. Man says:

    @All woman, mainly Caz
    I’m on a nice, long vacation right now.
    Well, in my opinion, men first of all need to stop thinking that women are sex objects. It degrades the man himself, because it shows men as a desirous, lewd, obscene, immoral…shall I go on? Next, women and men need to dress modestly. What I hate about society, besides genocide, war, disease, racism, hatred, rape, violence, etc., is how its entirely controlled by sex. And no, I did not see the Aguilera video because I do not care about celebrities who share their body with the world. What I would much rather do is read a book or, like what I am doing on vacation, take a spiritual journey to the Middle East and give money and treat the diseases to impoverished people in both Africa and the Middle East.
    Oh well. I don’t think society will ever be reformed until, according to religious beliefs, the arrival of the False Messiah and the Messiah (and the Mahdi in my recent conversion to Islam).
    I also really hate how people equate marriage ability to sex appeal. I just got engaged to a modest women from Iran while on my vacation. I do not even know what she looks like (you know, the hijab some Muslims wear) but I do know that she’s smart (she is in the final year of a high-ranking Iranian university), she’s religious (she delivers lectures at her mosque), and she’s caring (her father was telling me that she always cared for her EIGHT younger brothers and sisters). When I heard this, I thought “I do not care what she looks like but she seems like the perfect woman. A respectable woman who will form a great family with me.”

    I am not engaged for sex, but I am engaged for the reason of family–to have children to give our knowledge and religion to. That’s one thing I really like about this culture–sex=family not sex=desire or sex=passion. It makes sense to me. I still am weary about sex though because I’m not interested in it at all.

  20. CAZ says:

    @ Man
    That is wonderful to read how you are very intelligent and different from most men. I hope your marriage works out, but I do feel it is important to first be attracted to a person before committing to spend your whole life with them. Personally, I could never do that. I love being free and being my own person. I would only marry somebody who i felt was my soul mate and i was truly head over heals in love with. But even then i would wait years to get to know them and feel a true connection of love for them. I couldn’t marry somebody just because i thought they respectable and would be an ideal person to raise a family with. But good luck with your marriage, you certainly have a great attitude. Thank you for having respect.

    @ Rebecca
    I’m so sorry you feel so worthless. I do know how you feel as i felt that same way 5 years ago when my relationship broke down and he made me feel like a low life piece of shit who should just kill myself. Since then i have been single and working very hard on raising my own self-esteem and confidence. Mainly through working hard in a good job in an old peoples home. Doing charity work for children. Making as many good friends as i can. Educating myself. Looking in the mirror every day and telling myself that i look great. I’ve learnt, that it is your job to raise your own self-esteem and to love yourself. How can you believe any man loves you until you can first love yourself? Every time you do something good, you will feel good, and self-praise leads to self-esteem. Once you have self-esteem, and have self-respect, you will never allow a man to treat you so disrespectfully again. I think the main thing to do is let go of your fear of being single, and embrace it. You are free. You aren’t tied down. You are your own person free to do whatever. Enjoy your own company and watch many flock to be with you as they’ll also enjoy being around you. People are attracted to positive people who love themselves and life. xxxx

  21. CAZ says:

    Hi everyone!

    Remember that sexual harasser at my work i told you about? Well the management did their investigation and found they don’t have enough evidence to prove that he sexually harassed me. He told them that he did fancy me but i kept giving him signals that i fancied him too. What a fucking liar! I never gave him any signals because i didn’t fancy him at all. I can’t believe that. So he has just completely got away with it and is free to do it again. While i have to live with the fact that i was tricked, manipulated and raped by him, and will never be able to have any sort of relationship with a man again. I can’t even look or smile at men any more as i’m scared they’re going to think i fancy them. Every time i see him i just want to punch his ugly face so bad. I just wish i could have got better evidence about him.

  22. Annie says:

    @Caz

    I know you are hurting. But you were not raped. And no, you do not get to decide what does or does not constitute rape after you consent to sex. You agreed at the time to sex, therefore you were not raped. That is the law. Rape means no consent to a sexual act.

    Women like you who refuse to take responsibility for their choices, pisses me off. I’m a feminist. I’m strong. I dont’ blame men for the choices I make, I blame ME!!

    I think you are being very immature, you are crying, throwing a temper tantrum because quite frankly, you are refusing to take responsibility for your choice. Oops, you fucked up and CHOSE to have sex with a man you didn’t know and he lied to you. Now you are hurt, and you call rape. How dare you!! How dare you disrespect women who have no choice, when you had one…and pretend you live the same hurt as them.

    If you want to blame men for YOUR decisions, then you have to allow men to control you, so they can make sure you make the right decisions.

    If you want to live in a world where YOU choose(equality), then you have to take responsiblility.

    You were not raped. You consented to sex.

    You were not raped.

    And I’m deeply sorry to all the women of the world that have actually been raped, because some young silly girl who consents to sex, regrets it, and then cries rape because she wanted the man to like her.

    When you say YES to sex Caz, that is NOT RAPE!!

    Grow-up . Seriously.

  23. CAZ says:

    @Annie

    You really need to educate yourself more before you make such judgemental small minded comments, especially on a website where so many other women will be reading them. I feel so terribly sorry for all the women reading your post Annie and I hope to god it won’t prevent other women from speaking out against injustices that they suffered from abusive men.

    There are different kinds of rape. Read the legal and dictionary definition of rape and learn about the different types of rape.

    Dictionary Definitions of Rape –

    Rape: Sexual intercourse with a woman by a man without her consent and chiefly by force or deception.

    Statutory rape: Sexual intercourse with a female who is below the statutory age of consent.

    Consent: Compliance in or approval of what is done or proposed by another.

    I was tricked, coerced and manipulated into doing it. As you’ll see it can be about force or deception. Rape is not just about violent brutal force against somebody’s will. Rape is not that clear cut in black and white. And you know what, it took an amazing amount of strength and courage for me to speak out and put in a complaint against that rapist, and i would do it all again. I did not want that man to like me. All i wanted was for him to leave me alone and back off. I never liked him, and i never needed or wanted him to like me. I don’t need anybody to like me. Now, i have something called self-respect and self-esteem, which is something you will never have. No wonder you feel so worthless. How do you live with yourself when you are so nasty and insensitive!!! It was rape and i really don’t care what you think or what you have to say because you really don’t know anything!!! This is supposed to be a website where us women can come together and emotionally support each other, not attack each other. And how dare you tell me i haven’t experienced the same pain as a woman raped by brutal force? You have no idea what hell i’ve gone through since it happened. It is you who needs to grow up and educate yourself more. And i have decided that i am not coming on this website anymore because i refuse to waste any more of my time and energy dwelling in hate. I’m so much better than that and i am going to rise about it. But just so you know Annie, i will never accept what happened to me and blame myself for it. He was the one who sexually harassed me. He was the one who raped me. Over my dead body will i ever forget it and say it wasn’t rape.

  24. Gary says:

    The lack of being upfront will lead to relationship failure.Woman believe the BS that nice
    guys are booring,ugly or nerdy.Cut with the BS and think for yourself.Better not date a mexican he will be lazy.. Better not date an irishman he will get drunk and beat your ass.Better not date a man from india he doesnt
    make much working at 7-11. Better not date a black man-he wants you as his ho -and the BS goes
    on and on and on.If you insist on being one of the endless hoards of society sheep then you are my enemy
    and someone who undermines common sence and therefore relationships.I would never accept a woman with such a f’ed up understanding of men.I HOPE THAT YOU ARE ALONE FOREVER AND YOUR VAGINA DRIES UP IN TO NOTHINGNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

  25. Jessie Granger says:

    Poor Gary must have his vagina in the wrong place. First he is on the wrong site but then perhaps he likes to have women taking pot shots at him. Reading your comment which had nothing to do with her complaint I’m going to guess you are one of those little foreign imports with no looks, money or character strength and you arrived hoping American women would fall all over you. American women prefer American men. For obvious reasons. Go home now, back to your sheep where the fact that a man “accepts” them is important to women who are kept as livery. And go find a woman bashing site… Oh sorry I forgot it’s not allowed in your country or you aren’t man enough to talk shit with the grown up boys.

  26. menareidiots says:

    I totally agree with you. men are idiots, emotionally selfish, only use women without any ounce of kindness. the only nice man i know is my son. the rest are just trash, even the best among them are just bit above trash.

  27. tattedbeautii says:

    i totally agree with yu on this !! theyr confused doggs

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  29. Avatar of Iain321 Iain321 says:

    I agree with every word, all the men that did this to you should be ashamed. This is the heart less nature of men who use women for themselves and for there own needs.

  30. Avatar of Sretah Sretah says:

    You can’t win sometimes with men no matter what you do. They will pressure you into having sex with them, if you refuse they go and get someone who will, if you give in they think you’re easy and call you a slut. You give them a part of yourself and they make you feel like nothing. And I thought when you save yourself for marriage, it would be great and last forever. All in all isn’t that what most women want? The entertainment industry also plays a role because half the time you will see a couple kissing and then they end up in bed. They don’t necessarily love each other but the sex was good. But most of the time a guy gets bored and moves on. Their minds are different than ours and I’m not saying that some women don’t treat men like this but it’s very rare. We get heated over it because we can’t control them. We can only
    control what we do. I know I have told the men I was with how
    the things they did to me were hurtful. We just want men to take
    responsibility and apologize.

  31. Avatar of Sretah Sretah says:

    And most of the time guys just can’t stop at kissing, hugging, and
    holding hands.

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