by Janie
What’s the alternative to constant heartbreak?
8:11 am in I Hate Men, Venting About Men by Janie
I’ve just had my heart smashed again. I’m mid-twenties, attractive, smart & educated, social, and I do attract men. Yet for the past four and a half years, every “relationship” has lasted either a night or a month or two.
Most recently, I started hanging out with this cool local bartender. Really fun, we hung out every night for the past week. Dinner, tv nights on the couch, parties… It was fun. Yes we slept together a few times and it was good. I even asked if he was just looking for friendship or if he liked me. He responded that it freaked him out when girls asked that, but that yes he liked me and I’m the only one he’s with right now.
And then last night, after an entire week of hanging out together, he ignored my text. I called a few hours later and was sent straight to voicemail. I fell apart. Today when he texted me (completely unrelated to my text last night), I said we should just be friends and he responded “that’s fine.” No protest. He could care less.
I can’t do this anymore. I want a partner – companionship, a lover, and eventually a family. But guys lose interest so fast, it’s hard to keep having hope. I just want to sell all my stuff and move to another country and live far away from anyone so I stop getting my hopes up for the life I really want.
What’s the alternative to having to keep putting yourself out there? To keep being embarrassed and eventually brushed aside once a guy loses interest?
The alternative is to find someone that wants what you want. You can’t make anyone love you or force your ideas on them. Until this happens, stop beating yourself up and move on with your life. Stop fooling yourself by refusing to see the warning signs that HE ISN’T THAT INTO YOU. Too many women equate sex with love, where as most men equate sex with pleasure. Love and Babies are the furthest thing from a man’smind when their other head is in control.
Good Luck
I understand where you are coming from. I am in my early twenties and tho I don’t want a husband or a family anytime soon (at least not till I’m thirty), I still want a companion for a few good years to share so much with.
And yet, for being so young and I have been thru way too much for my age. I know a lot of the warning signs, but that sounded like he wanted only sex even tho he was disguising with other things as well. You slept with him way too much. You should have made him wait a long while before ever letting him get what he wanted.
Biggest reason why when I meet a new guy I come straight up and ask sex or something more? Most men are stunned by my boldness, but I’m not ever deterred from my ways or hurt too much. tho at times I have some pretty hard downfalls cause people like us, We cannot help ourselves with letting so much go into a relationship even if only for a night or a month.
Stop having sex for awhile. Take a break from dating and men.
Take sometime for yourself.
Take Care
I am very sorry for you. I know where you live. You really want Mr. Right and Not Mr. Right now, but we as women want love and attention if only for one night or one month hoping for more. I’ve tried it al1, with holding sex for a week or two, or having sex the first time I’ve set eyes on someone! Whoa. It’s not a science that anyone can predict when we meet our match. Just pray that God will bring someone into your life at the right time who wants to stay. It’s so true, “if it wasn’t love, it was a learning lesson.” Keep the faith.
Now this is more a real situation not a belittling. As you are probably aware i am male and it goes on both sides of the gender. It happens to us too SHock Shock!!! I decided not to be with women anymore. I am left broken, my children to the same woman stolen and i just don’t feel the same cute love i ever felt for women now. You could say my love is gone and i am empty inside after all the hurt. I work mainly with women in a child enviroment but never do i step over the line with them. I am good looking like you and always get comments but i ignore it all and just do my job. Some i have been friends with and had lots of fun with but my heart is too broken now to ever feel the same way i did about a woman. I have given up and now do not even try dating. Finding sex or anything. Hence the reason there is a gender war going on. Oh yeah Stupidlady i am a guy who loves deeply and i am the one who lets you know but noone ever wants it, i mean no woman ever wants it so now my days i keep it to me. That hurts a lot because i just want to love with all my heart and am so full of anger that my head just aches everyday now. I haven’t been with or tried to pursue a woman in 2 years now, that is how i have been treated. My love taken for granted and not wanted. I feel worthless. I look at my little girls beds that i dress in pretty colours and fairies but there mum has kept them from me for nearly a year now and it isn’t anything i did to them. I look at there beds evryday and there bedroom with all there little clothes and toys and cry myself to sleep every night. This is what women have done to me all because i give love and its not wanted.
I will also tell you that some of these women friends are disappointed that i can’t be with any of them. They see the real me and like me a lot but i tell them i can not while i feel the way i do. I tell them satraight away because i believe in honesty. I am just too scared now to even consider anything with a woman and everyday i also contemplate suicide. This is because my purpose on this earth was for love and while noone wants it i am purposeless. There is no point me being on this earth. My beautiful Angel i was going to marry 2 years ago really stole the dream from inside me. I see black evry night now and yearn for her but can’t have her now even if she let me. I am just a dead man walking
Sando please dont feel this way! However i know what you mean when you say about giving up on the opposite sex..if you want someone to talk to just to offload on email me at jojosimmo@hotmail.com
i agree with how your feeling , i am officially taking 2010 all to myself i refuse to date men or even sleep with them infact i probably wont even speak to men for awhile in any setting that might seem like im interested in the (ie, clubs, parties,things of that nature) im so angry with how i have been treated by men that the only way i can think of never getting treated like that again is to simply not allow myself to engage men at all . im actually really excited and i know this may seem mean spirited but i can’t wait to turn all the men down that will try and talk to me this year i will feel vindicated !!!
I know exactly where you are coming from. I am a very sexual person, unfortunately, men think you are trash if you make it to easy for them. They also lose interest whether you sleep with them or not. The only thing screwing them early on does is speed up the time-line. They will lose interest in you after you screw them regardless of how soon. All of them will cheat even if it does progress to a so-called relationship, I guarantee it.
If you want sex, have one-night stands, much easier then friends with benefits. No such thing, just cheap-ass mean looking for easy lays and calling you a friend, which is the furthest thing from the truth.
Also, men that come on hot-and-heavy are usually full of shit. It only lasts a week or maybe a month, but that’s it. Again, it doesn’t matter if you sleep with them or not, the outcome is the same.
Jeesh, it’s awful that this is the sad awful truth. It only takes a moment of temptation in their face and any of that love they may have had for you goes out the window! Men are dogs on a hunt ALWAYS! I feel the avoiding and being mean is the only thing that I can do to keep from being hurt period. Even men that I have respect for as father figures come onto me. It’s really a let down. I’ll be that old pissed off woman who dies by herself!
Janie
I feel you… part of what you said was my story…
I can say i’m less resentful today… this website helped me to vent most of my anger towards men…
Right now all i can tell you is that it’s a bit of a choice.
Just don’t give them sex, if you want a companion, and when you want it over have sex with them.
I do have male friends, two of them could relate to father figures and also i have a good relationship with my own father.
What i found out is that with men as friends it can be a really cool relationship, women usually are not so demanding with sex as men are… so:
Have sex with those men you don’t love and are atracted to, never more than two times or you’ll get attached.
and be friends with the ones you love. You also can pretend to have sex with the man you don’t love as if it was with the one you love. They don’t get hurt for being used in sex, they may thank you actually…
Friends will give you the male company you want, the sex-buds the caressing touch you need. of course if one of the friends kisses you in something less than a two year friendship… you know it will end if you go that path, so give them the friendship card and see if they last as friends. After a two year old friendship… well make the guy fight for you another year on the dry and if he is still going for you… give it a try – only in case he has no cheating history.
I haven’t tested this… but it made sense to me. a very cool movie I think relates to this is ” My best friend’s girlfriend” is very funny and Kate Hudson kind of gives the example of a Babe In Total Control of Herself while dealing with a complete self assumed asshole.
Don’t expect a prince charming, they really don’t exist. So you need to dry your tears and don’t expect anything from men anymore. You are the one who has to evaluate their proposals and guarantee that they are and will continue to give you what you want…. Simply math:
NO Sex- relationship/friendship lasts still holding the bairgain, still making him give YOU what you want.
Give sex- Everything ends, no bargain he got what he wanted while you loose what you wanted.
I’m a bit older than mid-twenties and what you are going through I went through and it hasn’t change.
It will go on being a bit the same, guys look at me too and i already know that the talk is from the hormones down below. They are hungry poor fellas so i sing them Pink’s song “It’s just you and your hand tonight hon…”
Sherry Argov said intersting things about this:
“As you are making a concerted effort to keep the relationship out of the bedroom, remember his objective will be different than yours. You want your feet on the floor; he wants them in the air.” pg64
“Before sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and the woman isn’t.” pg 59
Chear up, life is not just about men… Wait a while, grow up, travel, do other things and leave love on the shelve for a while or don’t take it seriously, have fun. It takes time to learn how love business really works and i’m not talking money here. Not every one can afford expensive shoes so make them pay….
…For you and the shoes… and if they are poor well they just have to pay the mortagate first before getting “INSIDE” the house.
Lol Kyra.
I think you are right about the friendship side of things. If you really adore a man, stay friends with him.
I give the whole sex thing a miss. Nothing revolts me more, than men that keep pushing for sex. In Australia, it’s expected after a couple of dates, and since I’m not willing to do that, no more dates. It’s not worth it.
I think they watch too much porn. Women are little more than walking, talking vaginas to guys these day’s.
But male friends? Yeah they are great.
@Annie
don't sleep with them, seriously if they get it easy, they won't treasure it or respect you. wait until you both are sure and enter a commitment. there's always a vibrator till then
– just my opinion. take care