I finally left him

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Hi everyone I have a short story to tell about my recent experience and how I am getting through it.

Where to start is almost impossible cause there are so many issues I have had to put up with from money to sex. I have been in a serious relationship for almost 2 years and even got a place together (BIG MISTAKE). I have felt neglected and trapped for about 7 months now and I finally decided that the best thing to do is ask my landlord to break the lease with me due to non payment from the loser I was with. My landlord is very understanding and is fortunately allowing me to do this. I have moved everything from my place that I own and moved in with my mother while the man I was with still lives in the place but I have explained to him that he has to be out by the 1st cause the landlord has to find new tenants to live in the house. This man is so upset that I have left that he calls me a bitch on a regular basis and the only reason I call him is for a few of my items that he has not returned to me. I am getting to the point that I don’t even care about these items anymore cause it is not worth the stress of having to put up with him.

I truely have not explained the way he has hurt me so let me open the window for you to look into my heart and how he has torn it. He is very unmotivated and lacks intimacy. I have never had a conversation with him because everytime I wanted to discuss an issue with him he would lay his head down on a pillow and close his eyes and proceed to tell me he was tired. When i walked into the house after work nothing was clean and he would not even acknowledge my existence. He would complain about anything and everything and he never had a nice thing to say about anyone. He has always put me last. I have taken a backseat to even mere strangers. I remember when My father passed away in November I came to his place after the funeral and he was laying down and I just broke down crying and looked at me and said “You should have stayed at your moms”.  How dare he.  The list goes on and on but really what it all boils down to is he and I have no future together and I am not willing to sacrifice one more minute with someone that is not my equal. I have truely learned the hard way with this guy and I am a better person cause he has shown me how not to be and now I have the ability now to never accept less then what I deserve. I wanted to write this in hopes that it might help at least one woman see a way out of a terrible situation cause I kept saying to myself “I am trapped” or “I dont know what to do”.  Now I know that there is nothing that can stand in the way of my happiness and even though some things seem impossible you have to think otherwise cause there is no reason good enough to stay with someone that makes you feel like a prisoner.

This post was submitted by galegirl.

  • a man

    Another horror of story.

    From what I read, he is a bitter, cold, distant, un-empathic, lazy, self-serving, bordering on narcissistic or incapable of emotion. Forget that he is apparently a man, by design, because he is certainly nothing more than a dysfunctional byproduct of a, more than likely, dysfunctional father or family environment.

    I bet he has plenty of energy for things that suit him……when it suits him. He has probably learned to be utterly selfish or does not really care about what he does, ie, rebellious, oppositional, defiant, has double standards etc. first to complain unless he does something wrong.

    Am I going in the right direction?

    I know, as an example of a man, what it feels like to have emotions and to feel something for people. In fact I am too much the other way and sometimes the life events wear me out.
    One just can’t win sometimes….need a balance.

    Anyway, you say that you have learned from this..
    Now, you can follow your checklist when looking for a decent man.

    Have fun.

  • Alma Wilson

    Yes, as I have found out there are women that abuse men. Good you got out o fthis situation before it was too late. He sounds like a mental and physical abuser.

    Take care and thanks for sharing this encouraging story.

  • Linda

    hi your story is a life saver….thanks

  • en

    “You should have stayed at your moms”. How dare he.

    I might be taking this the wrong way but, the way I see this is that he realised that your father passed away and thought that both you and your mom would be better griefing with each other, supporting each other crying together and overcoming it together. To him your father doesn’t mean as such as it would to yourself and your mom, and he might have thought it would have been better for the both of you if you were together overcoming your fathers death instead of being with him.

    sorry if I’m wrong.

  • bonnie

    My mother and father are have been divorced for many years and although she was saddened she was not my fathers wife anymore. I grieved with many people but he of all people should have been there for me when my father died.

  • Linda*

    I’m so sorry for your loss..

  • http://GOOGLE ASHLEY

    THIS STORY REALLY TOUCHED ME! i JUST LEFT MY BOYFRIEND OF 1YR AND 7 MTHS BECAUSE HE COULD NOT BE FAITHFUL TO ME. HE CHEATED ON ME SEVERAL TIMES AND I DIDN’T REALLY HAVE PROOF BUT A WOMAN’S INTUITION IS EVERYTHING (LADIES YOU MUST BELIEVE THAT). HOWEVER IT HAS ONLY BEEN ABOUT 6DAYS SINCE WE’VE BEEN BROKE UP AND USUALLY BY NOW I WOULD BE TAKING HIM BACK.. I FELT THE NEED TO STAY WITH HIM BECAUSE HE WAS A GOOD PROVIDER. HE HELPED ME THROUGH NURSING SCHOOL WHEN I DIDN’T WORK HE WAS THE ONE SUPPORTING ME AND MY CHILD WHICH ISN’T HIS. SO I LOVED HIM FOR THAT AND HE SHOWED ME GOOD TIMES AND RESPECTED ME IN THE BEGINNING. BUT HIS UNFAITHFULNESS CAME OUT AND I FOUND MYSELF CRYING MORE THAN I WAS SMILING. NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO I STAYED. FINALLY I GOT A JOB ABOUT 6MONTHS AFTER FINISHING SCHOOL AND THINGS WERE BETTER. THIS YEAR HOWEVER THE CHEATING BECAME WORST AND HE HAD A GIRL IN MY CAR LAST FRIDAY WHO IS HOMELESS HAS A 3YR OLD AND NO JOB NO CAR!! SO I SAID FINE HE THINKS THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE HE CAN HAVE HER. I LEFT AND IT HURTS BUT YOU CAN DO IT. NOW HE IS CONSTANTLY CALLING ME AND CALLING MY JOB BUT WHEN A WOMAN IS TIRED SHE KNOWS IT. TRUST ME LOVE DOESN’T HURT!!! THANKS FOR YOUR MESSAGE!

  • Jesus

    * 1 Corinthians 14:34-35

    34 Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says.
    35 If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.

  • bonnie

    What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

  • Sue

    I moved in with a man I had been dating on/off for the past year. It’s been 2 months and mostly its been hell. He is constantly on the computer, in chat rooms, sending emails and its all day and all night long. We would be intimate and 10 minutes later he was washed up, out of the bedroom and back online until 2-4AM, either chatting or playing poker (where he has lost over $5000). I found many disturbing things about him and kept hoping he would somehow get better. He likes to golf, but then has meltdown every time we golf and yells and throws clubs when he has a SHANK shot, no matter who is around and its so embarassing. He says I don’t listen to him about golf and gets extremely upset at me – really for no reason, I am new to golf and learning. He has made me cry more than a few times on the golf course, and if I stand up to him, he really goes at me verbally.
    I love to travel and he has had meltdowns with that also where he yells at the crew for taking our bag when we wanted to carry it on but they were over weight so started storing bags. He fought with them for 5 minutes but it was a lost cause from the start. Part of the reason he gets so upset is that he is a pothead and carries pot with him travelling and doesn’t want to get caught. But don’t you think making a scene would bring more attention to you? When we got to Vegas, the A/C wasn’t working and he threatened to tear the room apart. I had to leave he was so angry. And on the way back, some big guy accidentally bumped him on the plane and Kirk started yelling at him so that again, everyone was looking. I can’t even enjoy a short weekend in Baltimore because even though I paid for the room which included parking, he got upset that they had valet parking and he couldn’t take the car out more than once a day on his own – he could take it out whenever with valet, but he didn’t want anyone else driving his old BMW. So that became the battle that weekend – he fought with the staff over the car policy for 2 days. Never won, just likes to fight.
    The clincher for me this week, is he left town for the week and brought a bottle (6 pills) of Viagra with him. He didn’t know that I was watching him with these pills for the past month, but I saw them – 1 was new with 6 pills (he cut them in half) and the other bottle is the same one from a few months ago that he has left at the house all along. He didn’t know I knew about the new bottle so when I confronted him on it, he lied and said at first he combined them all into the 1 bottle (but its the exact same amount as before) and then said he was taking them this past week with me – but there’s no way he took 12 pills in 7 days and in fact I saw all of them the day before he left. I’m so sick of the deceit, lies and disrespect. He’s a jerk and why I moved in the first place is beyond me! I thought I would save some money but instead I’ve been paying 90% of the bills and going broke. All for what – him cheating on me?

  • Bonnie

    Hi this is the woman that originally wrote I finally left him and I wanted to tell you that I feel your pain and I know exactly what you are going through. If you have friends and family near you I suggest you leave while he is gone. Pack all your things block his phone number and move to a place he cannot find you cause if he knows where you are he will try to get you back and you will fall for it. If you are worried about leaving yourself in debt or worried about bills going unpaid and the utilities are in your name cut them off . Just leave today and I mean fast. This guy seems dangerously close to hurting you and trust men men do it all the time. They crush your self esteem so that it makes it easier to control you. You are being minipulated sweetheart GET OUT!!!!!

  • anon

    I have several boyfriends and dates and 3 husbands. I am done. I was done lsat time and this one charmed into marriage. I am notw more miserable than before. He liked all the rest worked hard to get me then cheated on me. I used to be a model and prof dancer and I have an high tech degree. I can cook and clean and but they all get me and they think then they can get someone even better. Why are men such jerks! then is was sad to see the guy who shot all those women in PA recently not able to get a longer term thing. he to was not bad looking nad had all things we women want. ugh!

  • sal

    How did he have what we want? I’m not into mass murderers

  • Tricia

    Run! Run for the hills! This guy is everything you DON’T want!
    I am getting out of a 10 year relationship with the same guy you are describing.
    You & I are both deserve MORE!
    You are not responsible for his short cumming.
    Look at yourself…. you are everything you need.
    And THANK GOD (or whatever you believe in) that you don’t have children.
    I am walking away from this male mess of an A -Hole with a 1 year old & a 5 year old. I will take them over the BS any day.
    Read…”Ditch That Jerk”
    It may help you understand his problems…they are not yours.

  • aman

    I speculate that most of the men posted about on this site treat everyone as a tool.
    They will also be the first to complain when things stop going in their favour.

    Anyone who has the capacity to cheat (man or woman alike) on a person who -they know- will be painfully hurt by the multitude of things they do wrong over time, really does not care about anyone but themselves and it’s possible that even that, would not be the case.

    When I read about married couples on a 75 year marriage celebration I think What the FUCK! putting it bluntly. What sustains them? They must truly LOVE each other. I don’t know if I could even do that for 10 years let alone 75……

    One thing is for sure, the bloody internet causes everyone to become quite voyeuristic over dating, looking at photos of people and reducing the person to a yes or no based on looks. It’s a bad thing because if we all traded on face value argh, things would be so shallow and pathetic. However, I am painfully aware that I (well I suppose as a man I would be, you will say :) am one of those who is attracted to good looks.. It’s not a great trait to have……..

    To all of you reading/posting….this may sound like a grovel .. but I really do hope you achieve your desires one day. After all, if everyone was happy, wow, that would be so great. o.Ops I suppose I should take off my rose tinted spectacles and take the red pill (or was it blue….thats’s a Matrix reference, not to confused with any other pills)

    Good luck and learn from this site. Personally, any worthy person will be engageable in the art of open minded discussion without too many negative signs.

    People who are closed (I am a bit like that unfortunately – but I do update myself) will always have a problem unless they find “The one” if that really is possible these days.

  • Sunday

    My daughter is the wonderful lady that started this thread. I’ve sat back and watched this horror unfold for too long. I have done everything in my power, short of vehicular homicide, to get this man out of her life. He treats her like she’s garbage and although she does stand up for herself, I know it’s eating away at her. He has reduced her self esteem to a -10. I don’t know why he feels the need to beret her and put her down except that he’s trying to make himself feel like a big man. Let me tell all you ladies out there……this type of man is a weasel. In order for him to survive in this world he must degrade and humiliate the women that care the most for him. He has no self worth and this is the only way he can feel the power.

    I would ask that each of you that read this thread to pay special attention to “A Man” and his response to my daughters post. HE IS RIGHT!!!!!!! I couldn’t have said it better myself.

    Ladies, if this is what you’re dealing with, find a new place to live, pack your bags and get the hell out. Learn to love and enjoy yourselves again. Each one of you are special and deserve the best. Don’t settle. I don’t care what issues you may think you have, DON’T SETTLE. If there is something in your past that steers you into this type of relationship every time, seek help, read books, whatever you can do to break the cycle. Become strong wise women and find your voice.

  • Jess

    Hey it’s good to hear you dumped this loser! well done! i hope you find someone caring and nice!

    I went out with a bloke for 2 years…he was 25, i was 17(i know way too young!) we were ok together but he was really boring, he never took me anywhere, so we did this for a year, he was smoking pot all the time, saying things like it’s all your fault and calling me a bitch, i ended up seeing another guy while with him, i never slept with this guy i just need a change from my controlling bf, of course he ended up finding out and went mental but we remained friends….during this time i visited him, although through rage he nearly punched me, instead punching his cupboard till his hands bled…..we decided to get back together over christmas but as he did not trust me he accused me of cheating whenever i went out with friends, i didn’t do anything of course, it was his paranoia…..

    Whenver me and him had sex i felt really used and if i refused he would tell me to “get the fuck out of his house” and call me a bitch…..he ended up drinking more and more and i was shouted at, he shouted in my face and pushed me, calling me a slut, sometimes he stared at me with so much dislike i thought he was going to attack me, through the grape vine i heard he hasd slept with a girl who was renowned for going with dodgy men, i panicked thinking she had given him an STI, thankfully nothing showed up. I think i took too much from him and decided to end it, he sent me a lot of abusive texts callig e a slut, saying i was fucked, caling me a bitch, a whore, a dead ride, a user etc etc and that was it for me. He begged me to get together with him but i am not that stupid. It was near the end that he was making up girls, saying he was sleeping with this one in particular but when i asked him about her he sent me a fake photo of a porn star…..i think the pot he smoked affected his head to the point he believed his own stories…..i’ve learnt never to take this crap from another guy, it’s not worth it!

    x

  • http://na Cornelius

    Why so bitter, we are not all like that, just some of the time we are scared. Also like are female genders, I assure U we as men don’t want to really hurt anyone. Corn

  • Sarahroberts

    I’m in the same situation now, thank you for giving me the guts to finally leave, we deserve better

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