by lnes2121
Former boyfriend/best friend, just GONE
3:36 pm in I Hate Men, Venting About Men by lnes2121
I’ve been friends with this guy for 4.5 years. For the past 1.5 years we have been BEST friends. We became super close best friends, then went through a very short time of dating (like 2 months or less). I realized I wasn’t attracted to him in that way at all, but we remained best friends. We have talked every single day, throughout the day, for 1.5 straight years. We have been there for eachother for everything. We tell each other everything. I was hospitalized for a little while because of something very traumatic, and he was there for me every moment.
Well, since he’s shy and not very good looking, he hasn’t had a girlfriend in a very long time. I haven’t had a boyfriend in a very long time either, but more because I have a daughter and am in school. Well, he got a girlfriend, and it’s as if I no longer exist. We talked a lot about what would happen to our friendship if one of us started dating, and we both said we’d remain really good friends. Yes, we knew we wouldn’t be able to talk AS much, but both said we’d never just leave the other one. Well, he left me. He’s been dating her for about 3 months now, and the longer it goes on for, the more he wants nothing to do with me. He won’t respond to my calls, emails, text messages, nothing.
It’s like he went from caring about me more than anyone ever has, and always being there for me, to suddenly not caring in any way at all and wanting not to be bothered by me. I have told him how it makes me feel on the rare occasion I get to talk to him for 30 seconds, but he always just wants to get off and not talk about it. I am so hurt. I’ve been crying for a week straight about this. I feel like I lost the most important person in my life. I understood when he started dating that he’d have less time for me, I get that, I’m not THAT naive, but I never saw this coming. I never thought he’d just start ignoring me and not want to talk to me anymore.
How could HE of all people treat me like this? He always used to tell me how upset it made him when people ignored me or treated me with anything other than lots of respect, and now he couldn’t be more of one of those people he once claimed to hate. I am so hurt, and I almost feel like I hate him at this point. How could he be like this to me? He was also so close to my daughter, and now she wonders why he’s just gone.
I’m so hurt. What should I do?
Through my own personal experience, men are terrified of committment. They are shallow by nature, so most guys feel as if it is absolutely normal to travel from female to female, no matter how well they view one particular girl as a friend. Socializing males for monogamy is the hardest task in the world. Spend your time on your daughter, finish school, forget about men for awhile.
I’m pretty sure he’s not talking to you because of the other chick he is seeing. I’m sure if he gets a text or something from you, he gets an earful. She probably even made him delete you from his phone.
If he hasn’t had a g/f in so long and isn’t good looking like you said, he’s probably trying to make this one work, in which case, he likely lets her walk all over him.
That’s my guess anyway.
You aren’t his girlfriend. How would you feel if your boyfriend was always talking to another girl so frequently? Just the fact that you state he has “cared for you more than anyone ever has” and you believe he “left you” sounds like you have a thing for him… whether you do or not. No wonder his girlfriend got insecure or jealous. Don’t you think his girlfriend would be on here griping about how her boyfriend puts YOU over HER if it was the other way around?
If a guy seriously loves a woman and wants to commit, I give him props. Maybe he has found what he wants and doesn’t want to mess it up. REAL FRIENDS don’t quantify a relationship or judge it by the time spent. Sounds like you have a lot of emotional investment… perhaps more than just a “friend.” Be respectful and think of the golden rule.
So… you dated this guy for a while, decided you could do better than this ugly shy fuck and dumped him, he tried to hold on to you for a while because he really cared about you and maybe thought he’d win you back, but then he found a girl that liked him for more than his looks and he’s putting a lot of effort into it and you’re somehow the martyr because he’s not all over you anymore, give me a break, asshole.
I think you need to get a life. Sorry but you sound like a bit of a loser. I can understand you miss your friend but you need to move on. He doesn’t want you in his life anymore for whatever reason. It doesn’t matter if it was his choice or if his new girlfriend made him stop talking to you. You should take a hint and stop bothering him. You are just making a fool of yourself. The most irritating thing is you say he was the most important person in your life? Your DAUGHTER should be the most important person in your life. You should concentrate on your daughter and your studies.
i’m always afraid of this happening with my best friend. we promised eachother we’d be friends for life, but god knows promises don’t mean shit when a S.O. is in the picture. he says he’s not interested in girls & dating, but he’ll be going to college in the not-too-distant future & him being the nice & funny dude he is will probably find another girl. i’m in the same situation. we were together for awhile & then i broke up with him because i was too afraid to commit & now we’re very close friends*despite the stupid fights sometimes*
after hearing this same story over & over, i feel like i’m trapped in a stupid cliche romance book that i’ve skipped to the ending of. >_<
u are a stupid woman, the guy loved u all the while but becuz of his “looks” u cudnt see that, he loved u with whole heart, but the heart has a limit of loving, when he cudnt get what he wanted from u,and another real gal came up who loved him for what he was, he realized what he had been missing all this while, u deserve this u bitch, u deserve to rot in hell
What “to do,” is fairly simple. Realize that if you HAD been sexually attracted to him, you would still be in the relationship. Realize that since you see him as “shy and not very good looking,” he knows that you see him this way. Clearly the reason he wanted to be with and maintain a frienship with you is because he was attracted to you but you did not reciprocate that. Men often offer “friendship” to a woman when what they want is intimacy, or at the very least a sexual relationship. He attempted to make that happen with you for over 4 years. It didn’t work. He has realized that and finally moved on. He is not contacting you or responding to you because he had feelings for you and wants to put them in the past and focus onhis new woman. All sensible stuff. Also realize that you were using him. YES I SAID IT – using him. Since you have “a child” you wrongly assume that a partner substitute is o.k. It is not. You owe it to yourself as well as your child to have a real relationship, a full relationship, with the next man in your life. If you want frienship, nurture the firenships you have with women and do NOT teach you daughter or son to settle as you did with this “friend.” Most importantly stop blaming him. He doesn’t deserve your hate.