by burnedagain
Addicted to a Loser
3:36 pm in I Hate Men by burnedagain
Here I sit complaining about the same man who I swore I would never speak to again. I was doing well, actually went three months without any contact, but as soon as he made contact I was off to see him again. This man has a lot of problems, intimacy, delusional you name it but at least he has an excuse.
What is my problem? This man got me pregnant and dumped me like a piece of garbage, has played all kinds of head games and yet I can’t stay away from him. I know what you ladies are thinking….that I am completely crazy and deserve better. I would like to think that I deserve better as well. Here’s the thing, if one of my friends was experiencing the same thing I would be all over her to stop. He plays the biggest games. An example for those of you that are curious…..the last game involved coming to my house when I asked him to be quiet because my roommate was asleep he said he was going to the store and never came back. Now he won’t even return my texts or take my phone calls.
I never know what is going to set him off. He is so unstable and unpredictable, has a lot of aggression built up and thinks everyone is out to get him. He truly thinks women are second class citizens and clearly treats me as such. I just don’t know why I keep going back for more. It’s not even a sex thing…he holds back sex sometimes to play games.
Is anyone else in the same boat? Keeps going back for more pain and suffering from a loser like the man I described. OR has someone overcome a similar situation? I would love to hear about it.
I composed the story called “Everything I hate about you.” I too had my own run in with a self absorbed, immature, lying, egotistical, arrogant bastard. In my case, I finally decided to listen to what other people saw and my intuition. For me, I had done enough crying for the jerk and was tired of being miserable. I understood that I did not deserve such treatment and deserved something and someone better.
In addition, I became angry at myself for allowing that jerk to bring me down, question myself as a person, ask myself repeatedly “What’s wrong with me?”, trying too hard to win someone who could give two shits about me. A relationship shouldn’t be so much work, it shouldn’t be so draining- emotionally and psychologically. Moreover, I empowered him when he kept stringing me along which only contributed to my heartbreak.
I realized I needed to take control of myself and my life again. It started by getting rid of the garbage I had in my life which was him. It was hard and it still is because you wonder sometimes if things could have been different somehow. I am learning that probably nothing would have changed.
If you feel like you can continue along this path, with this person, then you will continue to experience exactly what you have been. I guarantee you NOTHING will change. If you decide to extricate yourself, tell yourself you deserve better and are entitled to happiness then you have to put the wheels in motion.
I am going to tell you that it’s not easy but it can be done. I am an example that it can be done.
Good luck!
I have certainly been there – with the bipolar boyfriend – I had my head bashed open, car kicked in, the list goes on. And for some crazy reason if he called and needed me I was there for him, and I opened myself up to so much more pain and abuse. I definitely felt the …. of a draining relationship
But enough about that …It has been 4+ years now since I have kept away from him, and my life could not be better. I have met the man of my dreams in late 2007 – and I never looked back.
Be Strong! Good Luck!
A classic, immature, paranoid/delusional, bullying, narcissistic control freak…
Stay well away, he will only ever cause you trouble and will never ever love you as he is incapable.
In fact, I doubt he could ever love anyone, even animals and it is usually easier to give unconditional love (affection may be a better word) to them as when they are in your house they only steal your food, birds, toads, fish, biscuits, sleep, bed etc, but not your freedom, right to thrive etc.
What is the “excuse” that he has?
I presume that you just mean he is simply a mentally unstable, flawed specimen of the (sub)human race?
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A better woman, I am glad that you are faring well after your nasty encounters.
Maybe you should all get together and write a women’s only guide to how to avoid flawed MAN v1.0′s and I am not in the slightest bit joking.
Should there be a vetting database for women (and men), to register issues with a partner or is that just far too open to vengeance abuse?
bye.
i am being used by a guy who just wants me for sex,i feel sick that i let him do it again he has told me its only sex but he dont want me sleeping with other men ,and i was feeling that he may fall for me,friday i went too see him and we had sex,next morning i left and he hugged me goodbye i messaged later saying ,i enjoyed last night did u have good time,he messaged me back saying just a simple yes,i messaged him few times since and i have been blanked called him 2 times and he ignoring me,i feel like crap and so used ,what can i do am so upset ,how do i find the strength to forget this man
All women should read the book titled “Why Does He Do That?”, by Lundy Bancroft. It is the Bible on manipulative, controlling, lying men and their games, tactics, modus of operandum, as well as how to get away…..A MUST READ!!!
Blessings to all the other “Angels”
Seems you are the one with the problem.
i think i am pregnant wiith my exes baby, he gets close to me then backs off, he does have this stupid ego/reputation to upkeep, which always stops him from being human, man has a flaw, but sometimes it is not in their control, ie the way we become emotional over things and no man understands. it is a blessing that there is mystery but when we meet men like this, there is a ‘bad boy’ attraction (ive tried and tested this!) i think the lesson is; you can have the thrill but not the heart of a bad boy, age does NOT matter, its mystery and passion that grabs me,
Well yeah sometimes it is hard to get over someone when you know its gonna hurt so much when you leave them. Its scary. I went through the same thing with my ex for like 2 years. He was like my first everything so that made it even harder. I did everything for him you wouldn’t believe how low I went just to make him happy hoping one day he’d realize one day that I really do love him and we do belong together. But I just kept suffering. It was really hard on me and I like cried everyday. I couldn’t believe the situation I was in sometimes. He just looked at me like a very good friend of his and he had feelings for every other girl but never me. Its a long complicated story but what I’m trying to say is that I did move on. I met a cute nice guy. He was like a blessing because he was so wonderful with me that after so long I moved on from my ex. He actually had respect for me and cared about my opinion we always had great conversations and everything. I can go on for days explaining how great he is but my point is that when you meet someone who is right for you you will finally be able to move on from the wrong one.
This kind of ‘he will change behavior, he didn;t mean it, or if he says, “I won’t do it again,” is why women get ran over. Men know there are more ladies than men and they take advantage of it. It’s like plalying the numbers, they will keep going through women that are smart enough to get rid of them until they meet one that’s too insecure to let him go. I’ve heard men saythey would be with a less attractive woman because they feel more appreciated and the woman is willing ot do anything to keep them. The ‘dumb’ we will have with us always. Women just have to face reality, because this is the ay it is. Alot o fhtem are Mama’s boys, not what I call men.
“He truly thinks women are second class citizens”
What a patriot. A true man.
Anonymous Legion, I could not agree moar.
the women her are shitbags
The sign of a truly mature man – sex games!
honny just play along! Men need sex more than we do anyway, the stats show they get diseases if they don’t get it 3 x a week. Explains their UFO behaviour!
Know what tell him to go fuck himself, i think a lot of women are scared to get rid of these men, i’m proud of geting rid of my moronic ex who had given me alot of abuse, makes you feel good for standing up for yourself
This is such a deeper issue. Scares me to say it because I find myself sitting in the same boat from time to time. If your self esteem is in the pits, you will keep losers like this in your life. And it’s a self-fulfilling cycle: the more you keep gameplayers in your life, the more hits your self esteem takes, thus the more likely you are to take the gameplayer back. Either you break the cycle and get some help to build up your self esteem and work on yourself, or it keeps happening.