Am I asking for too much?

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Sometimes I feel like I am setting myself up for failure… Do I set my expectations too high? I mean, I really don’t ask for a lot, but there are certain things I would like, or like to have happen in a relationship. So was there lack of communication on my part, or lack of interest on his…maybe a combination of both.

I often asked myself, but never asked him: (I guess I didn’t want to come off as annoying or childish…always asking “WHY?”)

Why did he not come and surprise me for lunch while I was at work, when he had a day off? Not that it needed to be every week, but once a month would have been nice.

Why did he not invite me to his parents house more often for dinner? His family often had dinner together on Sundays, but I was only ever invited once when they celebrated his birthday.

Why did he not invite me to hang out more often? When he was at home he would do the usual like watch TV, or play video games…of course when he was not busy cutting grass, doing laundry, etc. I always told him that I would like to play video games with him…I seriously mentioned it a lot, but he never invited me.

Why did we never go to the store together? Apparently, he would go to Wal-Mart regularly, to get the usual, toiletries, food for work, items for his vehicle, movies, household products, etc, and somehow in 9 months of on / off we did not go to the store or the mall together…am I the only one that finds this odd? He drove past the turn for my house so often…why did he not stop to see me more?

I felt like he was hiding me…or embarrassed of me.

Why did he always leave in a hurry? He stayed over maybe once a week, or more often, but he always left shortly after waking up. I mean if he knew he was staying over, which he sometimes did…why did he not bring his clothes, shower at my house, and then we spend the day together? It went like this…wake up, have sex (maybe), he goes in the bathroom, comes out, gets dressed, and leaves. I would say it was a sex thing, but we really did not have sex that often…there were a few times of high activity, but that was not the norm…

Looking back…we watched TV, movies, went out occasionally, had dinners together, and we sat around a lot…which does not make a whole lot of sense to me since we are both such active people…it was just getting him to commit to doing something…I guess that was the problem, he did not want to commit to me. Many times he showed up at my house at 9pm or later (especially if it was Thursday) and often fell asleep soon after. Now this was not all the time, we did go on vacation together and stuff like that, but there was certainly a pattern. Even on weekends he often did his own thing.

This is where I start to get a little choked up…when I think and ask myself…Would he not have liked to do this stuff with me? Is it just not his thing? Well, I know he shops, plays video games, and likes to have fun…so WHY NOT WITH ME?

Maybe he did not know what I wanted, but I think of most of these are givens in a relationship…

I guess that was just it…the most simple answer to all my questions would be “because we weren’t in a relationship…he wasn’t my boyfriend”, but there was so much contradicting that…like the dozen roses on Valentine’s Day, the card that said “love”, and most of all the amazing connection we had with each other…there were such strong feelings that I know we both felt, and I don’t know where it went wrong…maybe because I did not know what he wanted because he did not know, yet I knew what I wanted and I never fully conveyed that to him.

I want to find someone that I can share life with together. The key words being “share” and “together”. I want to share my life with someone.

Someone to: play together, have fun together, talk together, learn together, be goofy together, joke together, exercise together, cook together, laugh together, cry together, build things together, fix things together, and make things together…

I am a team player…is he?

So I lay it on the table…I want someone to show me Love, Protection, Admiration, Comfort, Encouragement, Respect, Support(mentally & physically)…the list goes on, as does the equally large list of things (tangible & intangible…emotions & feelings) I would want to share and show to him.

While I keep saying these are things I want…really I think they are things that we all need, to have a successful relationship… The Necessities of a Relationship.

So, am I asking for too much?

  • classified

    “So, am I asking for too much?”

    Not really… it sort of just happens… 99.999999% of the time.. when you aren’t expecting it.

  • serena

    i personally don’t think you’re asking for too much- i am placed in that exact situation…. and you’ll also find that is you do starting asking the mroe youe ask the less they act on it.

  • KATHLEEN

    SORRY DONT THINK HE IS THAT INTO YOU,,,, SAY NO HIM SEE HOW HE LIKES IT.. DO YOUR OWN THING

  • Sheena

    Nope, not asking too much. Hands down, you’re totally normal. I’ve been there and getting over now that he’s totally broken up with me. He never loved me….
    Don’t second guess yourself. If you know what you want and it’s reasonable, NEVER settle for less. Guys are stupid, especially as they get older. Don’t let a man hurt you or make you feel less than worthy.

  • Malisha

    No–you are definitely not asking for too much. I am in the EXACT same situation as we speak and it’s depressing as hell. I feel so trapped sometimes. You place your all into making a relationship work and yet it is one sided. I don’t know what the answer is other than to get out before I completely lose who I am.

  • http://www.ihatemen.org a better woman

    thank you all for your words of support and encouragement…I have always done my own thing…just looking forward to a time in my life that it can be shared with someone else that I truly love. I will not settle and if this guy is stupid enough to let me get away that is his loss.

    I have learned to never give up on myself…when I have reached a goal…I make a new one…always working to make myself a better person.

  • http://beingabetterwoman.blogspot.com/ superdudeman

    A relationship is about RECIPROCITY.
    Its also about talking things out, but at the same time you cant come across as a bitch either.

    Too many women expect to be wined and dined and they do NOTHING to deserve it.
    What do they do? they get dressed?
    They put on makeup?
    And?
    Thats it.
    Then when a serious relationship happens they do the same shit.
    They expect the guy to treat them like a princess and the guy gets NOTHING back.

    It doesnt work that way.

  • http://www.ihatemen.org a better woman

    To superdudeman:
    I think I have made it clear that I understand a relationship is about RECIPROCITY. I also know it is about communication…it is just difficult when the other person does not communicate their feelings back.

    I am very well aware that there are a lot of women out there that expect to be treated like a princess, and give nothing back…I can honestly say I am not one of those women…and I think that is what upset me most.

    I enjoy doing things for him…massages, cooking dinner, packing his lunch, helping him with anything, making sure we equally pay for things…the list goes on.

    I am not looking for a sugar daddy…I am looking to share my life with someone that wants to share their life back with me…a love of equals.

  • http://beingabetterwoman.blogspot.com/ superdudeman

    Obviously it wasnt clear enough, otherwise i wouldnt have stated that.

    Men no longer have a role in a relationship, this is why today so many men are pissed off.
    Who is expected to approach? men are.
    Who asks for marriage? Men do.
    Who initiates sex? Men do.
    Who pays for dates? Men do.
    Who is supposed to make more money? Men are.

    I didnt see anything in your post that showed that you have done anything for your man except complain that he hasnt done enough.

    Thats not reciprocity, its called ENTITLEMENT.

    No wonder he doenst come home. i wouldnt either.

  • http://beingabetterwoman.blogspot.com/ superdudeman

    So many women complain and complain, just when we get our feet in the door.

    What would happen to a DOG if when you got home you kicked it in the face when it jumped on you happy to see you?
    And then did that every single day for a couple of months.

    Pretty soon it would learn not to ever come by you.. Ever.

    Conversly what if you pet the dog, or at least showed signs that you were happy to see the dog as well?

    There you go. its not rocket science.

  • Maw

    Girl! He’s a player and he has so played you! When you don’t even know the rules, you should refuse to play the game. Also, thinking like Valerie doens’t hurt ;0)

    I think Ms. Solanas had the right idea:

    “It is now technically feasible to reproduce without the aid of males (or, for that matter, females) and to produce only females. We must begin immediately to do so. Retaining the male has not even the dubious purpose of reproduction. The male is a biological accident: the Y (male) gene is an incomplete X (female) gene, that is, it has an incomplete set of chromosomes. In other words, the male is an incomplete female, a walking abortion, aborted at the gene stage. To be male is to be deficient, emotionally limited; maleness is a deficiency disease and males are emotional cripples.”

    -excerpt from SCUM Manifesto by Valerie Solanas

  • http://beingabetterwoman.blogspot.com/ superdudeman

    Wow, a “biological ACCIDENT?”

    Mother nature is a FUCKING RETARD!

    Shes screwing up ALL THE TIME!

    No wonder they call it “MOTHER” nature.

  • http://beingabetterwoman.blogspot.com/ superdudeman

    Go ahead and wipe out all the males and fill the world with manipulative bitches who stab eachother in the back for wearing the same dress to their period parties.

    Who would start a war with neighboring countires, just because she HEARD a rumor.

    Men would at least create a paradise, and decrease the deficit.
    Do you realize how much time we waste on the persuit of sex?

    OH MY GOD, we would no longer make Sports cars, nice homes, and everything would be based off of comfort and practicality.

    Im sorry, fashion is not practical. GO ahead an argue that your 700 dollar pair of prada shoes which you can only wear a few times and only while they are in season and in style is practical.

  • Jennifer

    Nobody expects males to make more money than women, but the fact is, they do. That’s the world men made, not women. If you want change, then be it. Be the change you want to see. If you want things to be different start with yourself. Most of the men in here sound like a bunch of whiny little zitfaces in high school.

    Really, you’re just a useless bunch of losers. You don’t deserve to have sex with women. Oh, what the hell. When we’re not around, you don’t seem to mind sticking it up each other. Actually, in many countries of the world premarital homosexual behaviour is expected and even encouraged. That’s because males in those countries don’t consider women quite human. I suspect that is not much different than men in North America. The problem is not women, IT’S MALES. You will not let your privileges and your entitlements go. You either let go, or will rip it all out of your hands and you’ll have nothing. You heard it first. Relent, or be forced to.

  • tamara

    I dont think u are asking for too much i’m dealing with the same as we speak. Men are useless whiny little pigs and instead of being open and honest they lie to get what they want..it would be nice to say there are still some nice ones out there,but i agree with the other comment Walking Shit faced obortions is more like it..and yes im bitter as hell

  • Scorned

    I too am going thru this. I just started seeing someone. I admit it hasn’t been that long but things were going well (so I thought). We even exchanged xmas gifts. THEN just before NYE we talked on the phone. I was depressed and in a funk and some things I said came out wrong. At least thats the only thing I could figure, because since that night I have not heard from him. He stopped returning my calls or taking them. He stopped reading my emails and I think blocked me! For a stupid phone call that he took wrong! I tried to apologize but still nothing. I have a go to guy who tries to explain things to me from a male point of view. He keeps telling me do nothing….let him cool down…don’t push…etc etc when I just want to write him or call him and explain what happened and that he took it all wrong! I feel that if I wait too much time will have gone by and it won’t help. Also it just pisses me off that he just decided like that to write me off because of a phone call! Men can be such assholes! GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

  • mr anonymous

    Hey,

    Just be cool about finding the right man.
    I know they are out there. Its a percentage.
    I think you need to think about where to find them. I don’t think that I can help you with that. Give them grief to start with, make sure they know what you want. Be a bit brutal with your feelings as it’s your life and you don’t want another idiot (dog lol) to deal with.

    I reckon if a man is still hanging around after a couple of months, he should be more worthy. If you both just fall into bed within a few weeks, it then means nothing usually does it not?

    Have you tried some sort of courses? Something that requires intelligence, but maybe a bit of open-ness as well. You might find a man 3.0 there lol.

    Good luck.

  • mr anonymous

    Actually, you do certainly sound like a better woman, woman 2.0 lol. Some men would never be able to live with a strong woman like you, because they want a wallflower, ie nice and easy, no backchat so they can probably have it easy.

    You are strong and full of vitality and balanced plus you have 3years of psyche education to use on men.
    Keep strong and be pushy, assertive and stick to your guns.