How Many Chances Can You Get At Love?

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I have been driving myself crazy the last couple weeks, so I finally did something about it. I got up the nerve to tell him ????????exactly how I feel, and what is bothering me. We went from being together, to not being together and just friends, to hanging out again and I felt like we were back to where we ended the last time.

He doesn’t tell me how he feels…what am I suppose to do. I just want to make a well-informed decision. If I don’t know what he wants or feels, it will not be fair to him. We were in this together…his opinion, wants, desires all matter to me. Just like I enjoy putting his body at peace, I want to put his heart at peace. I can’t exactly explain how he makes me feel. Without words, his touch, tenderness, passion, and warmth make me so comfortable. I never want to leave his arms. I could only image his words, but they are never spoken.

I gave him an ultimatum…and I really don’t like doing that, but I didn’t know what else to do. I asked him to tell me how he feels or what he wants…his stock answer is “I don’t know.” I seriously wanted to pull my hair out. So I told him, if he doesn’t give me his decision, then I am making the decision for us, and he might not like it.

I told him I can’t do this anymore. I want to be with him, but that is not what we have now. I can’t do the friends with benefits because there are too many feelings involved, so I’d rather just be friends and nothing more. He said he is going to leave me alone for a while…and I am hoping that is what is best for both of us.

I did so good when I talked to him last night…I didn’t even cry until I asked him what was his favorite thing about me…he said, “Physical?” and I said, “no”. He told me, “I have so many favorite things about you…” This is when my eyes started to tear up…then he said he liked how I am always so nice to him…it wasn’t that he was just saying it, I felt it with all my heart that he truly meant it. This is also where I get confused…he likes me because I am so nice to him, but he can like me as “just a friend” because I am so nice to him. My niceness is not exclusive to relationships, ask any of my friends…I am just genuinely nice. So which is it?

I wanted to ask him if he knew that he was taking a chance of losing me forever, possibly losing the chance to be anything more than friends…I wondered if that is a chance that he is willing to take? He said he doesn’t want to string me along, and I won’t let myself be strung along anymore. I wanted to tell him that I think a part of me will always love him (words that I never spoke to him)…if I would have told him I loved him would that have made a difference?

I felt like we had this almost perfect relationship…the biggest problem, maybe the only problem is that he didn’t share his feelings with me. I started to feel like he didn’t want to share his life with me… I don’t want him to regret not speaking his heart to me. It reminds me of one of my past relationships…I got a phone call from my ex about a month ago to talk to me and tells me of his regrets, that he wished he would have told me certain things, and if he did tell me maybe we would still be together, and that maybe all the bad that happen between us would not have happen. My ex asked me… if he told me now, what he had wanted to say when we were together, would it make a difference now? My answer was NO…he waited years (literally years). I told my ex that I think I am in love with someone else. I know my ex was upset, but what does he want me to do now.

“Remember you can’t turn back time, and sometimes you only have one more chance to make it right. Just follow your heart.”

  • Silvya

    Hi, I don’t know you but I had the exact same thing with my ex. We went from dating to being friends and then friends with benefits and we were never sure where we were at, and his answer was always “I don’t know.” Eventually my questions were answered when he met someone else. He’s with her now (after SHE asked HIM out). Just goes to show that some men are spineless losers who can’t decide what they want, or maybe they just want to have their cake and eat it too. (Eg. if you’re not the kind of girl that he wants, but if you’re the only one who’s available, then he’ll string you along till something better shows up.)

    You did the right thing. He’s not worth it.

  • Karyudo

    Hi, I also had very similar situation. He only wanted me to be around him (I later came to realise) whenever it was convenient for him. It was not love, but it was his selfishness of not wanting to be alone and have someone around him whenever it suited him. As soon as someone else came around whom he thought was better for him, I got dumped. A lot of men seem to be a total user and loser. I really started to think that relationships are not worth it.. men are not worth it.

  • Angel

    Thats how me and my ex are. We dated for about 3 years. But we were such good friends before. after we broke up we stopped talking. I still love him (he was my first love) and i only want him in my life even if he is only a friend now. He pretty much ignores me because he was using me because he knew i was in love with me. But you did the right thing. you go girl.

  • fed up

    If it’s a man it’s a lier, if it’s a lier it’s a man. I’ve never seen a man who did right or acted like he was supposed to do. The only good man is a DEAD man and that’s only because he’s too dead to actually DO anything.

  • http://beingabetterwoman.blogspot.com superdudeman

    Women lie more than men. According to this study done by two people who are WOMEN not MEN.

    More than 80% of women believe lying is beneficial. Better TV reveals some of the truths about women and lying.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cs9J-cPdP9E

    How can we possibly trust ANYONE who believes lieing is GOOD?
    You cant.

  • sabrina

    i have a similer situation at the moment the guy tells me he loves me but will never express his feelings to me in other ways. you know what i finished it and never looked back. he was an old school mate. girl power!

  • Char

    God they’re really just all the same, aren’t they? My current predicament isn’t too far off, met my ex who I hadn’t seen in almost 2 years in a night club on New Year’s. He approached me, apologised and asked for a second chance. I foolishly said yes, thinking he’d changed and now he’s acting the exact same way he did the first time, which was the cause of our break-up. He’s being too distant with me and it’s pissing me off. If they don’t want to be with you, you’d think they’d just leave you alone instead of messing with your head!

  • choppy

    men irritate me.

  • FoolishGirl

    So, the definition of insanity is repeating the same action over and over and expecting different results. I am madly in love with my ex. Just looking at a picture of him makes me happy. He is crazy. He only wants me when I am with someone else and when I am into him, he pushes me away. We met. We dated. We fell in love. We broke up. (My fault)

    It has been two and a half years since then and we have for lack of a better word “flings” about once every six months. (Each time I expect us to be together again) More recently there has been less of a gap between our flings. However, he still pushes me away, tells me I am rushing him and it doesn’t work. (Except in the bedroom)

    I keep telling him that there are way too many feelings involved for this to be friends with benefits type of thing. He is just so hard to read… My pride will not allow me to accept the fact that he is just using me for great sex without having to go out and find a new person. My stubborn mind will not allow me to give up. I am hanging on the hope and punishing myself at the same time by settling for less than I want.

    This is so out of character for me. I am usually the “pant wearer so to speak” in a relationship. This jerk is the only one that has me running around like a chicken with no head…. This is all so confusing and honestly, men make women crazy… Yes, as they say “Bitches be crazy”… It’s because stupid men make us crazy. They do not understand….

  • shaundalynchic

    This all makes me think of the old movie When Harry met Sally — Meg Ryan tells about the talk she had with Joe — I said what I wanted, and he said what he wanted — that was the most he could give…. blah blah — you should see it.

    seems like what happened to Sally is what happens to most relationships I’ve seen, personally; you’re oh so patient and hang on, and frustrated all the time andd when he meets The One, he marries her in a month,, and you’re standing there looking stupid.

    i always say, if a relationship is at an impasse, take up a new, time-consuming hobby and don’t think about the guy for awhile.

  • Fliss

    Good advice shaundalynchic!

  • Jay

    Reading your terrible experiences almost makes me cry.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kimberly.salvador Kimmy

    I literally just experienced what happened to you. The same exact thing… Now how do you move on and let go of the feelings and be just friends and nothing more? i am having a difficult time with this. I do not want to lose him in my life, but how do you make situations like this work?

  • May

    I was in similar situation…for more than one year I kept going out with my ex because i really miss him and wants to be with him. During this year I was hoping that one day he’ll ask me to be back together. Time passed by and nothing happened. I asked if he’d like to be back together and he said ‘I don’t want to hurt you’ (it’s a ‘no’ isn’t it?) One day, I saw him with another woman on the street.
    So ladies….let’s not waste our time. GET OVER IT! It takes time, I know as I am still working on it,. But these guys are just selfish …they don’t worth our tears and love!

  • Caz

    Men are so good at making smart women look stupid.

  • http://howtogetmyexbackways.com/ Ex Back

    i think it is good site!

  • Hazzmatty

    “I told him I can’t do this anymore. I want to be with him, but that is not what we have now. I can’t do the friends with benefits because there are too many feelings involved, so I’d rather just be friends and nothing more. He said he is going to leave me alone for a while…and I am hoping that is what is best for both of us.”

    Not another love junky.Someday,hopefully,women will understand to satisfy their”love urges”it’s all about the love you have for another,cuz that’s what YOU feel.You DON’T need their whoever’s GENUINE love,cuz love is born inside of an individual’s BRAIN…and is why ya so often have someone loving someone else,yet that person doesn’t love them back…and hate to tell you,but it simply becomes some bullshit(and trivial),”this aint FAIR!!!!!” shit,in that”i love him,yet he doesn’t love me back!” should she question it like you have,cuz what else could it be?SHE whoever(you,right now)is the one getting hopped up on all that sugar cane emotion,so she whoever(you right now) should just relish in it and take advantage of the high.But damn…what would happen should you run out of your stash?Shaky hands,withdrawl symptons,a bunch of shit.Yes,love is just an emo drug,nothing more. Forever more.

  • Hazzmatty

    Think of it like this: How much BETTER it is for a woman to LOVE a man,but him to just like her enough (besides him holding all the cards as a result)that he stays around so SHE can HOG all that sugar cane emo love drug to herself?But I mean,besides him being generous like that,that would mean ya cut the chances in HALF(and that’s a NICE percentage.)that only YOU can fall out of love and not him too.I say it’s a major risk factor should BOTH ppl be obligated to love eachother.I’d settle for LIKE if i were you.Maybe strong like.Best way to help secure that love drug ALL for your own selfish needs.

    Him loving you too…you see that drug of your’s just i dunno,being contaminated,..or YEAH,cut too much cuz he would need his own supply too,and your’s would be less potent maybe.Ok,maybe that’s not a good example,but what i said before that sounds about right.

  • Hazzmatty

    ” I can’t do the friends with benefits because there are too many feelings involved, so I’d rather just be friends and nothing more.”

    Hate to tell you miz emo,but”friends with benefits”IS boyfriend/girlfriend if ya go on that ya think your boyfriend is supposed to be your friend,—> (rather than Master-Friend.Men are to be smart to dominate their women in a subtle way,ways that a modern woman who doesn’t know she is feminist yet is,or a proud femmie can’t detect.Though ya hear lots of women still craving real men/dominate dudes as opposed to considering a man simply her equal girlfriend.) —->and you have sex with him,and only him.When i think”friends with benefits”i think what most ppl do-neither is exclusively with the other and fucking everyone else either in that you know they are,or just assume they are,yet by how you are going on,it’s just you and him…so,you aint just friends with benefits,ya were technically boyfriend and girlfriend at the time of this writing,and ya seem as if ya love him—-> (maybe a LITTLE too much-let’s not get extreme…well,honestly,i wouldnt give a shit if a woman loved me like you wouldn’t believe it, mostly in that she hopefully would do more of what i wanted and have her more under my control….sounds sick huh. Not exactly.Some ppl no shit prefer that cuz they prefer getting what they want,more so than the shaft.I’m fine with being loved….loving though….dangerous,if not wreckless and stupid.Set yourself up for a lot of crash and burn bullshit.Does that make me a pussy?Hell no.Makes me indestructible and logical and less easily controlled.I know lots disagree,but i find love a general weakness.Too much atleast.”Too much of anything,even LOVE,isn’t necessarily a good thing.”James Kirk.Hate too sort of,in that it can consume your mind and have you doing things you maybe shouldnt be.Maybe.)—>so that’s groovey.

  • Hazzmatty

    “the biggest problem, maybe the only problem is that he didn’t share his feelings with me”

    What does that even mean exactly?Just tell you he loves ya once or every once in awhile(and you believe it)or do you want to have spontaneous(or hell,scheduled)”feeling discussions”every so often?Men tell people how they feel all the time,but usually doesn’t involve routine sit down discussions.Usually tell by things he says or does,like he punches someone in the face,ya know he is pissed,he says,”this is good”,whatever that is,is voicing his satisfactions have been met.Men are emotional,just aren’t as,and shouldn’t be AS emotional as women(just like women shouldn’t be AS emotional as women),cuz we are to be more in control of ourselves…and you.But we can hate like the best of them and lock horns.And ya said,”Without words, his touch, tenderness, passion, and warmth make me so comfortable.” – so…all of those oldschool once more rumoured lovey dove feminine qualities he has expressed can be a TELL.—-> (just hope he man’s up sometimes,and capable of recapturing the once more commonly known masculine qualities.)—-> So what are you bitching about? Seriously thought chicks like you only existed in movies,but ya hear about them every so often in RL.Most chicks i ever was with were not love junkies.The only chick i ever truly loved got a bit carried away and acted something like you,(and i’ll admit i sometimes got carried away.Big mistake.)but i mean she didn’t let it go to her head and want to live inside some rainbow with me…on average.Had it’s what exactly? Moments of more dreamy shit,but then we’d snap back to reality and just be more normal.I gave her doses of good feelings,but i sure wasn’t gonna be sensitive to the point it made her puke.She actually liked men,not fairies who are conceived ONLY when the stars align themselves to be shaped as a bleeding heart every three hundred gazillion years,in which these fairies fly over Crimson Bleeding Heart Ocean which has a GULF shaped like a puke bag for whichever FAIRIES can’t even take that shit,and they soar on a tide of magical twilight dust at dusk and spread their gayness to whoever acts like you.

  • gabx

    What is wrong about asking a man what does he want? Not so difficult question, is it? If he doesn’t know, then .. just accept it or leave it.
    You seem to be an angry person Hazzmatty..

  • Anonymous

    Hopefully I’m not being too harsh but how exactly was your relationship almost perfect if you barely even HAD a relationship? How can you possibly have a meaningful relationship without communication and without your partner telling you what they want… without them even expressing that they want you! The relationship sounds like it was barely anything to me… like two people dating and sleeping together and the girl developed clingy lovey feelings and the guy didn’t. I’m sorry if I upset you but it’s just crazy to think you had a meaningful relationship when he didn’t even communicate anything with you.

    You sound like a very emotional romantic type person and I think you are reading too much into this guy, assuming he is more than he is and assuming you had more than you had.

    I think maybe you are what they call a love addict… someone who gets very wrapped up in the feelings of intimacy and love rather than the actual person they are with.