Why Lie…What is the Reason for Lying?
11:20 am in I Hate Men, Venting About Men, Worst Date Stories by a better woman
So my guy friend and I are laying on my couch watching a movie, and we end up falling asleep. His phone starts ringing at 1:30am…no one ever calls him that late. He woke up and answered it, and I woke up too. I was able to hear that it was a woman on the other line, but I did not want to listen to his conversation. (I am a big believer in treating people as you would like to be treated, and I really don’t like nosy people, so I give others the same respect.) When he got off the phone I asked him, “Is everything okay?” (Even though I was half asleep, my first thought was that it may have been his mom or one of his sisters..I truly am a worry-wart, and after losing my brother I often think the worst when the phone rings at an unusual time…it feels like my heart stops for a moment…the same feeling as when I got the phone call about my brother.)
It was a “yes/no” question, he only had to say one word…instead he says, “oh, that was my buddy Jeremy”…he straight up lied to me…I never thought that he would be the guy to lie to me. I instantly got sick to my stomach, and I started to gag…I am thinking in my head did this really just happen (wishing it was a nightmare). I couldn’t hold back anymore…either I say something or I run to the bathroom to vomit. “You know you don’t have to lie to me, so why did you?” He doesn’t answer. “I asked you a question.” He says, “what?” I said, “Why did you lie to me.” The only thing he could say was, “I don’t know.”
I’m thinking to myself…did he just say “I don’t know”. Then I asked him, “Are you afraid of me or something?” I really did not get it. First off we are not together anymore. About a month prior we decided to take a step back, and just be friends (there are a lot of reasons for this decision, but I’m not going to get into it all. Even though we took a step back we still cared about each other). I did not care about a girl calling him, he is not committed to me, or anything like that…we are friends…but does he go around lying to his other friends too?
Now I am starting to question everything about him…maybe he is not the Prince Charming I thought he was. Sure I never had to open a car door, but I’d rather open a million car doors on my own than have someone that I care about lie to me. Do I even know this guy that I was letting myself falling in love with 4 months ago? Confusion overtook me. Does he even like me…maybe this is all wrong…can he even talk to me…he’s only opened up once, the day we decided to stop dating…is he uncomfortable around me, do I make him uncomfortable…as all of these thoughts are going through my head I was wishing he would just say something…I’m sorry, I was half asleep, and give me a kiss on the forehead or something…why could he not say anything? I felt my eyes swelling up with tears.
I needed to get off the couch and go into my bed. I thought he would leave, but he didn’t. He came up stairs to sleep next to me…I laid there crying as he fell back asleep. My mind still racing as I cushioned my head in the damp pillow…why did he lie, should I talk to him anymore…I have these other guys that seem to really like me, that listen to me, talk with me, and want to be with me and I am blowing them off for him…why? I am not going to call him again, why should I want to talk to him again…he won’t share any deep feelings or emotions with me…it’s just superficial bullshit, and I am not a superficial girl. I care so much, sometimes I think I care too much…I care too much about others, about making everyone happy…are you hungry, thirsty, can I do anything for you? I am not complaining…I like who I am. I just want to be appreciated…I don’t need you to buy me a dozen red rose, I would rather you talk to me, share your life, feelings, emotions, fears, goals, ambitions, and dreams with me…and I will listen and share mine with you.
This is the kicker…he never leaves movies at my house…ever. So, the next morning he woke up and left for work before me. When I got up for work his pile of movies were sitting down stairs on the table…maybe it was an accident, but I remember his hat and something else sitting right next to those movies last night, and those items were gone, so why did he leave the movie?? Did he know how I was feeling that night…did he know that I did not want to talk to him ever again? Did he think that leaving movies at my house would give him another chance?
To be continued…Can I Forgive Him?
Maybe the girl that was on the other line was an old friend and he didn’t want to get you worried and just quickly said it was his buddy. It sounds like this guy is just as scared as you are. He may even be scared of commitment, but realizes that he really cares about you. If he left his movie at your house on purpose, which it sounds like he did I think he wants to be more than just “friends.”
Risk it and take a chance with this guy. What’s the worst that could happen? You become happy and fall in love? And if it doesn’t work out you learn from it. I’ve fell in love and out of love, Yes it is hard to do, but you become a better person in the end. As the repetitive saying, “Life is too short…” It truly is if you get the nauseating butterflies in your stomach when you’re around him and see yourself beginning to fall in love with him when he wraps his arms around you the risk of telling him how you feel will not only make you feel better, but might have a good outcome for both.
Either way both of you win. You get to find out how he feels and if he feels the same way then you go from there. If he doesn’t then you can move on and quit wasting your time on this guy and see what else is out there. I wish you all the luck in the world, “a better woman.”
He was wrong for lying,
But there’s probably a good reason he doesn’t want you getting involved.
If it was me I’d just chill
It sounds to me like he wanted to get away with lying to you because there is something going on when a girl calls at that time in the morning. He lied because maybe he thinks something will happen with you two again. He should have not lied but at least he owned up to it after you asked him and did not lie again. The fact you were crying and he didnot even care tho is a bit weird or why he did not question you being upset with him, unless u hid it very well. You need to really talk about it.
Sorry to hear that. I had the simial situation with my EX. We just broke up a week ago,because I found out during the month we were having a break from each other, he had his ex over his place for 2 weeks (she is from another country). after she left, he contacted with me, and then we went back together about two months. He never mentioned that his ex came to visit him…he lied about everything that he was doing the whole month when we were off. Cut short, I knew that he was still in contact with his exes special the last girlfriend, she calls him all the time. When I found out, I called him right the way , but he couldn’t answer why he did it. so we called it quits again. Next day he came to pick up his stuffs, he still had no answer for me, even couldn’t look at me. Well I think it is time for him to go,.. we all deserve better. Good luck
Men are so really STUPID honestly, you have to figure out if you want to be “friends” or lovers….also if I had a guy friend I would ask who’s that? wanting to really know who was it? Because A bottom line we tell ourselves we don’t care who calls etc. but we do care. We really do. Especially if we spend time together and were “Friends” why not- Guys want to have their cake and eat it to..they can never really “commit” especially when you put yourself in the “friend” category. If you care more TELL HIM. say it! and make bounderies if you’ve decide to continuing in being “friends” My “Friend” he treats me great , he’s there when I need him, but he also has FaceBook and astc like a male “I’m you Man” page, I take it with a grain of salt I do my thing and let him do his thing, though it really pisses me off, cause he thinks I have no idea…That is why men are STUPID! get yourself out there have fun, don’t have him utilize all your time- Remember if he’s a “friend” treat him like one. If your sleeping with him and still doing the “Friend” thing than you need to STOP, because guys will keep the “friend” thing going on to they find a Girl”FRIEND” . Good luck your Gorgeous, your A woman
maybe you’re making a big deal out of nothing here. maybe he just lied because he was being put on the spot and nervous. there are so many possibilities with this situation. why do men lie? because they’re just stupid like that. no one really knows why they do it. as women, of course we think they do it because there’s something to hide. to be honest, there probably is. you can’t hurt yourself by pretending not to care and act as if everything’s normal when it really isn’t. if you really want to remain friends with him, ask him what’s up. ask him whether he’s hiding something from you. tell him you expect all your friends to be open with you and not lie to you. if he doesn’t give you a good reason as to why he needs you in his life, he’s not worthy of being your friend. don’t let this guy make you crazy. i don’t care how much of a worry-wart you are, he is not worth worrying about. as you said, there are plenty of other men who want to be with you. go out with them, see how they are, give them a chance. you are a strong, beautiful woman and i know you have enough confidence to get over this loser.
he lied. A girl called him late at night and chances are it was what it sounds like: a booty call. He fell right back asleep afterwards and he was with you (a girl), so he probably didn’t feel like leaving right then and hooking up with her. He’s a guy; he knows he can call her the following day and hook up later.
I’d pursue those other guys who are interested in you and leave this guy to himself so he can grow up. Either he’ll get a clue and realize how important and great it is to be honest with your friends, or he’ll continue to live like a little boy and lie for no real reason.
i’m sorry you cried yourself to sleep that night – that’s the worse! When you are awake crying RIGHT NEXT TO THE GUY who made you cry, while his dumb ass falls right asleep and he slumbers like a little baby. Who woke up feeling fine the next day? My guess is the liar.
No. A man that lies to you probably doesn’t care about you very much. So, dump his ass and move on from that. I’d dump him in a second. It’s like a weight lifted off your shoulders. Trust me. There are plenty of fish in the sea. And don’t worry if you can’t find someone right away to take his place. Work on you. Love yourself and spend time doing the things you love with the people you love.
I know I’m going to sound cold and bitter, but in all my life (49 years), I have yet to find a man who hasn’t lied to me. I keep thinking that right around the corner there is going to be a man who won’t do that, but I’m always wrong. I found out today that my husband has been lying to me. I’m not new at this whole relationship thing, and you’d think I’d know how to pick a good man….but is there any good ones out there? I’ve done everything i could to please him and love him, yet this is what I get. I’m just SOOOO sick of it. I’m better off alone than to be married to someone who would treat me like this.I deserve better than this and I’m not going to take it anymore. My advice for everyone….don’t let a man be everything in your life, because when you let that happen, and they hurt you, you feel like you’ve lost everything.
This just happened to me. I was led on by a guy for several months who said he was single, never married and did not have children. Said he just never had time as his career takes him all over and was too demanding, not only that, but his upbringing with his parents always fighting,made him decided he was better off single. Like a fool I believed him, I havent dated in 1o years either so my skills are rusty and it was nice seeing someone in a long time, but I had not been around anyone like him and was not accustomed to being blatently lied to.
I also was injured and had my sister staying here so for a few months to help out, so he just emailed me from all over, as his job takes him all over the state
anyway, after she left I thought I would see him more, and I did a few times, but that job of his, he said, just kept taking him away,, claimed he was an investigator and I had good reason to belive him as I met him thru emergency services as a patient, and he was taking a test that next day or so he said for his job, so really I had no reason not to believe him. Not to mention he didn’t live in my city but 45 miles away,which made it even harder for us to get together, but since he made it into town he would always call me when he was on his way long story short I got tired o all the weird things and odd times, but being a emergency worker, he said that’s just the nature of the beast, so how are you to know? Things weren’t adding up, and my gut, was feeling flight or fright, so I had his license plate ran and long story short, I found his wife on his truck 1st for ownership, got the address, did reverse look up and sure enough, his address with hers and kids, looked them up on FB wouldn’t you know those kids look just like him! Hes nuttin but a LYAH AND CHEETAH!
He played me for a huge fool, and Im old enough to know better, but sometimes because of circumstances in our own lives, we want to believe them, I mean serious, not having been with anyone in 1o years, I just thought and hoped I had met a nice guy,,,,,turns out I DID NOT!
Lesson learned, hes just lucky im not one of those that would call her or FB her and tell her, cause I would not want to cause anyone any pain intentionally, but I hope shes on to him! Imagine, he lies so good, I cant even begin to tell you all the crap he told me, imagine what he tells his wife, and he does have a job that takes him away all the time, hes probably been doing this for a while cause hes very good at what he does. I looked up NPD and antisocial or sociopath and he fits the bill cause he just lies lies lies,,, so I’m not sure if anything he told me is true now. Really makes one second guess your judgment. His poor wife probably doesn’t even know who he really is.
Its plumb scary out there, I think I will just go back to my quiet simple single life, cause I dont need the drama. Oh yeah, and if you question them, they turn it around and tell you your crazy and emotional! HUH? That pissed me off.
They are manipulators! Guess hes been getting away with it for a long time! He probably says that to his wife too! GEEZ!
My advice, do some research, find someone to run plates, but listen to your gut, and run like hell if you think your being lied to you probably are.
Good LUCK! Sorry , cause it hurt like hell and its taken me several months to get over this!
It’s a stab to the heart. A lie. Stab. Stab Stab Stab. And so…you feel it. Maybe this is why parents let children believe in Santa Clause because in a sick way maybe parents want to be the first to stab their own blood with a lie. What? Huh? Wait…..what? Santa Claus doesn’t exist little girl. BUT YOU TOLD ME HE DID!
And from there a child knows the power of the lie. This power has many elements. “Telling lies is ok” “I never want to be lied to again” “I’ll never lie like that to MY child!” “There must be a good reason to lie” to name just a few.
The elements swim together in a deep pool. Swirling around and around. Eventually some will come to the surface. The child will experiment with those. Eventually the pool evaporates and the child is left with the elements that had risen to the surface for him (or her). So long ago……