What is the difference between “dating” and “boyfriend/girlfriend”?
What is the difference between “dating” and “boyfriend/girlfriend”?
As adults, it is so difficult to transition from one to the other. Personally, I think the term “boyfriend/girlfriend” can be kinda highschoolish.
So, is there really is a difference? I guess for me it comes down to exclusiveness. If neither person is dating anyone else, or sleeping with anyone else, and at the same time has no desire to, then I guess you could be considered as exclusive. But you can be dating and exclusive…right? Okay, now I am really confused…
I have come to realize that I am not alone in this feeling. As adults, we often don’t go through all the stages like we did in high school. Holding hands, the first kiss, second base…for adults all of this is often bypassed…and it is kinda sad. As adults we go out on a few dates, enjoy drinks, dinner, even a movie together, and then before we know it we end up horizontal.
Thinking back to my high school relationship versus a lot of the relationships that I have sustained after that 5 year relationship ended, none were really the same. I mean once you have sex for the first time, each time after that becomes so much easier. As an adult we become more comfortable with our bodies, and sex is no longer awkward, but rather something that we desire or even crave. The “becoming friends first” part is often overlooked, and maybe that is why as adults we go through so many more relationships than as adolescents. We don’t truly get to know the other person, and feeling are clouded by lust rather than finding true love.
Now I just got into a new relationship (about 2.5 months in), and I am just so confused…I don’t want to skip any steps, or rush anything. I mean we have so much fun together, just laying on the couch together, watching television, and tickling each other. It feels like when I was younger, I mean that scared butterflies feeling…not that we never kissed before, but laying there as our lips get closer, his hands move up my back, and my fingers run through his hair…it is quite exhilarating, and it is not even sex. It is just something that I have not felt in a very long time…and I have no idea what we really are?
To me “dating” is when two people are going out or spending time together regularly…maybe twice a week or so. Things are casual, you are learning about one another, but your lives are not consumed by each other. You are still getting to know one another as people and both of you are spending time to see if there is potential for more commitment there. To me, this is how you find if the person is ‘right’ for you and whether or not you would like to be serious. Dating can be exclusive, or it may not be, but I strongly feel that it needs to be clearly defined.
If nothing serious is wanted by both parties you can just continue dating. If you find there is something wrong with him/her, you can end it. If you both want to pursue a relationship, that usually means the two of you have decided you want to be exclusive and you’re not going to date anyone else besides one another. From there on-out, any certain activities with other girls/guys beyond flirting are more or less going to be considered cheating…at least this is my understand of how a relationship works or moves forward.
So this is how I feel…I don’t need a label or title for what we have, but I think that boundaries or standards need to be set. A serious conversation is needed to talk about what we both want and expect, so that we are both on the same page. I can’t guess what you want, especially when I am getting mixed signals from you.
Questions to ask each other:
- “So, what are we?”
- “Okay, so we are dating…is it exclusive?”
- Still need more information…how about “Do you want to spend romantic time with another person, or do you have the desire to?”
- And the final question…“Are you or do you want to be fucking anyone else besides me?”
I hope I am not coming off rude, but I feel that this is the best way to get the question of “What are we?” clearly defined. At least we both know where the other person stands in regards to our relationship.
At the end of the day, how you are imprinted on someones life and heart is the only true mark any of us leave on this earth and is what we are most proud of…
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By the way, I don’t hate men, I just don’t get them, hahaha!!!
Glad to see there are other confused people out there….. I am 7 months in, we are only literally seeing one another, I don’t know if he talks/flirts with other girls…. We are sleeping together.. We see one another once during the week and on weekends.. Yet, he says he doesn’t want a girlfriend… Soooo, that makes me what?? Company until something better comes along? A slut? Stupid?
I can totally relate to this – I’ve been 6 months with my guy and just presumed we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I know we’re exclusive and neither of us is seeing or sleeping with anyone else cuz we’ve discussed that. We usually see each other once during the week and at weekends also. But today I asked him if we were boyfriend and girlfriend, and the response I got was that he hadn’t even really considered that, and he was quite happy as things were.
What does that even mean? I mean, I consider him as my boyfriend!
I went thru that with my ex bf, u need to get out of relationship, its all games, trust me.He not into exclusive relationship with anyone.
Hi there! I think men need to be trained differently here, girls : ))
I was dating someone for 6 months and we knew we didn’t want to date or see anyone else. But the answer of my question ” what are we?” he answered “aren’t we just dating?”. I was ready to kill him and so much hate I gained in a second the way he said that. I could hold my anger and hate, smiled and said “yeah, I guess u r right” but thought at the same time “u r going to beg me to be ur girlfriend yet”. I am a very pride person, I guess, but it helped me here as well. His answer forced me to change my thinking way even it was too hard to do so. I like permanent relationships and don’t like dating many men. I take my time to chose one and just to give my 100%. But now I felt I’ve been betrayed even when he didn’t cheat on me.
So I stopped calling him often, was finding “serious” reasons do not see him daily or even weekly, bringing up my work or study but never stopped being sweet with him on the phone, flirt with him…and leave him alone after that. He got nervous that he couldn’t see me anytime hi wanted. Rules were changed! it was on my way! So when I “could find a rime” to see him to spend time, I made it unforgettable and after that, again, lef him alone for a week or so. It was making him crazy and when he was trying to have an argument with me about it, I said to him “why r u so angry? aren’t we just dating?”. He looked at me surprised, speechless for a minute. I don’t think he remembered what he said to me. After a minute break he said “yeah, it’s time to do the next step in our relationship”. But I didn’t like it either, as he looked too confident that I was going to accept it happily jumping in his arms. I told him, that I don’t want to rush things and I want to take my time to learn about him more. He got upset, tried to talk about it again, but I didn’t let him. We are dating over 2 years. I keep the same behaviour. He asks me to get into more serious relationship with him, but…nah! I’ve learned one thing, girls and it’s very important to know and understand – men are like dogs – u chain them, they try to get away and if u unchain them, they stick around and never want to go, believe me! Play with them, make them crazy but never speak about a serious relationship by letting them know they can lose u! they like to run after women; as soon they get them – they seek for another one – so never give them that pleasure, let them dribble for u! : ))) it works!!!
Good luck girls!
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Warning I am a guy posting here
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Hi Venus,
what a nice long post!
I am a guy who mistakenly found this post trying to answer “how to go from dating her to bf/gf.”
Im 6’2′ in great shape and very attractive. I have always been a one woman kind of guy. but must confess my good looks have caused me to grow overly confident and perhaps cocky in life. I find my self constantly flirting with everyone. The young, and old, male, and female. I realize that everyone likes to feel good about them selves. when these good feelingscomplimentsintentions come from a person considered to be better looking then most, it seems to positively affect people 10 fold.
Alas making others day is a bit of an ego stroke for me, so i cannot seem to stop. Seriously, I am addicted. It feels really good to make others feel really good! Sadly this causes some serious issues for me. I cannot keep women I truly admire and wish to be with to save my life. Every single one of them assumes I am some sort of man whore slaying millions or something. For many of them I guess that is true. They all say they don’t like how flirtatious I am with other women and how they just know I am playing them. When it comes to women I have dated longer then 3 months this simply isn’t the case, No words I can muster seem able to convince them of my honest intentions. By ‘them’ I am referring to 2 women separated by 1 year. Either of which i was fully prepared to settle down with.Neither of them trusted me. Now here I am a few years later with someone even more special to me then any other before her. She recently has begun talking as the others have and I have become concerned that this tragedy will befall me once more.
So here Ive come to the internet to find out just what women want from men before they are willing to trust; to relax their stance just enough to realize while i may not be perfect, i am genuine and true. I cant stop flirting and I know it; its part of who I am as a person. if i can find out whats really important to women maybe i can reassure this one of her place at my side.
Perhaps my viewpoint is skewed? In my opinion if I am dating a woman longer then 3 months I have zero intention of seeing anyone else. I make up my mind about a woman fairly quickly. I simply ask myself. have I been consistently excited to see and talk to this person for an extended period of time? can I tolderate being with this person for longer then 24-48 hours straight? (truly a rare scenario) Does this person accept me for who I am; or am I hiding parts of my self to appease her?
I just wanted to put my 2 cents in so you can get a perspective from the other side of the fence.
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A few minor notes here:
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1) I go through women very quickly, unlike most men I can afford to be picky. I don’t have to settle for a decent woman just because Its all I can get. (Which is how most of my friends feel and how i suspect the average man feels.) Sex is almost always readily and easily available to me, so it doesn’t drive my selection of women as it seems to do for most men. In my brief 25years of life I have only crossed paths with 3 women who fit the bill. so given these things perhaps I am not qualified to comment on this topic?
2) the only reason I am even bothering to respond to this post is because I am truly bored out of my flippen mind…. waiting on my current special someone for our date tonight. We are going to a really nice museum followed by a nice walk through a beautiful part of downtown. Then an elegant Italian dinner where live softkey piano music is going to be played.(she loves the piano) I figure since my words aren’t convincing enough to insecure women, perhaps my actions will be. admittedly I could simply be shooting myself in the foot by trying to hard….. wish you all weren’t so damn hard to figure out.
3) you Personally suck as a human being, I hope no one follows your advice as they
will just create unhappines for themselves and especially the person they CLAIM to
care for.
Take from this what you will. I doubt i will ever see this post or page again. But maybe… just maybe Ive somehow given some of you all a bit of insight into the male mind that you haven’t seen before. then again maybe I am just kidding my self in my young age. I wish you all the best of luck in your affairs of the heart.
Sincerely,
Chris
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P.S. to be more clear and helpful
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if you asked me after 6 months of dating,( heck after 3 months for me) if we are boyfriendgirlfriend I would immediately assume you didn’t think that we were or that you are secretly wanting me to say no so you can move on. I will not respond to you in a manner that confirms our relationship for fear of being the only person to feel that way.
Try instead simply implying and truly believing that you are his girlfriend and then judge his reaction to the comment. (Example: me and my friends were thinking about bringing our boyfriends to the beach next weekend. your still available right?) If non-negatively received and your still unsure then do what all men hate but have come to expect. Bring up your XX month anniversary as a couple and ask him what he has planned. if he thinks your his girlfriend he will out of obligation agree to do something ( even if you have to plan it) if he doesn’t… he will panic inside and you will know it. be wary though. doing this too soon will also have undesirable effects. ( he will think your a stage 5)
Again for reasons stated above, I may not be the best person to speak on this topic.
Why would you do that to someone? You’re playing him like a violin, and he’s already asked you to be in a serious relationship. You’re letting your pride get in the way of your relationship, and you’re greedy enough to try to keep him when he should have left already. I don’t know what past experiences you’ve had with men, but obviously you’re too ignorant to know not all men seek other women. You have a terrible mind-set in handling relationships, and I hope no one ever takes advice like yours. I hope karma bites you in the ass and he leaves you after 2 years of being treated like shit.
Improve as a human being, I hope you don’t mind my donation of my two cents.
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Chris, I once broke up with a guy that I really cared about because he was a tremendous flirt. It was impossible for me to trust him because his flirting told me that his heart was not with me. I would say the reason that women you like don’t trust you is because you flirt. it humiliates them. Since you stated you cannot stop flirting, my suggestion would be to try this: when you are with a woman, only flirt with her.
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