Men’s English

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I’m hungry = I’m hungry.
I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy.
I’m tired = I’m tired.
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let’s have sex now.
I’m bored = Do you want to have sex?
What’s wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question.
May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you.
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next ten minutes.
Let’s talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I’d like to have sex with you.
I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay

  • anon

    Women’s English

    I’m hungry = Although I don’t actually plan to have sex with you, could you pay for my food?
    I’m sleepy = I know I said we’d have sex, but I was lying so that you’d buy me things.
    I’m tired = I know I said we’d have sex, but I was lying so that you’d buy me things.
    Nice shoes = Let’s have sex now.
    I’m bored = Do you want to have sex?
    What’s wrong? = Shit, the only thing that upsets a man enough to show is being cuckolded. I hope you haven’t checked the voicemail yet…
    Of course I’ll dance with you = I’d like to have sex with you.
    Here’s my number = Let’s have sex sometime.
    Sure I’ll go to the movies = I’d like to have sex with you.
    Of couse you can take me out to dinner = Free money AND free sex, why wouldn’t I?
    Of course I’ll marry you = I can finally stop dieting and working out; now I can blackmail you financially into staying with me.
    I’d love a massage = Even though a massage is a very sexual act, and you obviously want to have sex, I’m going to pretend I don’t know this and merely accept, with no plans for intercourse.
    Let’s talk = I’d like to have sex with you.
    This comment is a crude and obvious flame = I’m a lesbian.

  • sabe

    Hahaha! Betterwoman, those were hilarious! I’m going to write those down to tell my friends. A few of them seemed a little off, though. My boyfriend says a lot of those things, but he doesn’t push for sex if I ask him not to.

  • PetulantPoetess

    money= security. after all who needs dicks these days when u got dildos. lesbians have more fun-DONT YOU DENY IT..ALL MEN HAVE FANTASISED ABOUT LESBIANS AT ONE POINT IN THEIR LIFE (in reality lesbians much prefer sexual activities without a third male party..all they do is spoil the fun). If it makes men feel better, then take a whore out! after all they’re paid for sex =)

    Even though a massage is a very sexual act, and you obviously want to have sex, I’m going to pretend I don’t know this and merely accept, with no plans for intercourse.- sex with an unwilling partner constitutes as rape does it not!!?!?! 0.o

    can finally stop dieting and working out; now I can blackmail you financially into staying with me.- hmm and I thought it was men who get fatter and lazier after marriage. single women have longer lifespans than married women. The opposite is true for men (scientific fact alert!*)

    why not try it with animals? I hear theyre free and always willing. They moan louder too!

  • Cyprisluv

    Saddly… my boyfriend is the epitome of this…. UGH

  • Draggis

    sex is boring. lets just watch kung fu