Why are men to ignorant?

Why is it that men don’t realize that they are equally in the wrong as the girl? I have been with/living with a guy for three years, not demanding the title of “boyfriend-girlfriend,” in hopes that one day he will choose me. We do everything like a couple would, but he doesn’t want to “have the responsibility of being a boyfriend.”

Don’t get me wrong, I love him to death, and I know he loves me too. But, he loves me as a friend, and he thinks that my acts of kindness and love are because we are just “best friends.” He knows how I feel about him, and he says he plans his future with me. But, he doesn’t know if it’s as just a friend, or in a relationship. He has also said, “in a perfect world,” I will find a guy, he will find a girl, and he and I can be best friends forever. Well, sorry, but that can never happen.

Anyway, after three years (of him talking to other girls, but saying how he loves me “too much to let them get in the way of our friendship”), I am running thin. I told him today, if he wants a relationship, he can have a relationship, but if he doesn’t, I have to stop acting like his girlfriend. He got mad and said that he doesn’t “need me for shit anymore.” I’m so scared to move out on my own after years of being with him. But, I’m also tired of waiting for him to want to be with me

As a result of this decision, he blames me for creating negative energy, but I told him that I am just reacting to his choice of whether he wants to be with me or not. And, his response was “well, if saying that makes you feel better, then okay.”

I don’t know if I’m crazy, or if I should just stick to my choice to respect and stand up for myself. It’s like he doesn’t realize that he has anything to do with the situation.

This post was submitted by nametab.

I hate women

Women. They don’t make any sense. Can someone explain to me why a lot of the straight women like lesbian porn and why a lot of the butch gay women like gay porn? Also, what’s the deal with women fighting over men who are already taken? It’s like you find a guy more attractive because he’s your best friend’s boyfriend, not in-spite of it. Guys have to go as far as flirting with a girl’s friends just to get her to notice them and find them attractive. Not because they want to, but because that is apparently how girls are wired. And why do your sex drives have to be so freaking low? Seriously, is there not one women who would pay good money for some cock? And what’s with straight women who hate dicks? If I made as many disparaging remarks about the way vaginas looked as women make about the way penises looked, you would probably all hate the way your vaginas look. Oh wait, most of you don’t like the way your vagina looks regardless. And what the fuck is with all the female self-consciousness? When I told a guy that his breath stinks and suggested that he get checked for acid reflux, he thanked me and made an appointment. Can you imagine a woman’s reaction if I told her that her breath stinks? Ugh.

This post was submitted by JohnReedlol.

I need advise – please!

Hi all,
I’m a seventeen year old girl who has never been in a relationship. My problem is this- I don’t trust men. I know rationally that all men are not bad, and it’s wrong to think that way, but I just can’t help it.
All around me, I’ve heard men cheating on their wives/ girlfriends who have stayed honest to them, loved them and made families with them. I’ve seen families destroyed when the father’s adultery came out. I’ve sensed my own parents falling out of love after 25 years of marriage, and now I’m scared- is marriage a useless institution? Can you love someone and spend the rest of your life with them, only to find yourself being horribly cheated on?
I hate liars an cheats….and in most cases it is the man who always cheats on his partner. This has made me afraid of relationships. I don’t think I will ever get married, for I can’t live in the fear of being cheated on everyday. But I really love kids, so I’m confused.
Please give me your views as to how to deal with this problem. I appreciate you reading my post, and thank you in advance:)

This post was submitted by NewGirl.

Evolution wants you to what?

I just keep getting more frustrated with men since the last time I posted here. To quote someone else in ethis site ‘Who said it was a good idea for men and women to live together?” I just found out that my grandfather had a secret second family with two children that he kept hidden all this time. He has 5 children in total and my dad doesn’t want to contact them because it’s too late for that and he feels let down. The incredible thing is 3 other men in my family (uncles and cousins) also had secret families with secret children, cheating all this time on their unsuspecting wives. I feel disgusted men have to do this crap and what for ? What is the point?

I don’t believe in the theory (because that’s all it is) that men just want to spread their seed around as much as they can. If evolution goal is survival wouldn’t you think it wouldn’t let so many kids fatherless on their own? Research has shown children brought up with both parents are more successful and happy, why would evolution stunt their growth which will make them unstable adults less likely to reproduce and thus be counterproductive to what evolution is supposed to do?

A guy who has 15 kids with different women but takes care of just two it’s sending a message to women around that men are unreliable and would not want to mate with them (I know I wouldn’t). Also most men don’t want children with every sex they have. They make damn sure to use protection to stop “accidents” so to me this theory it’s very fishy, outdated and full of holes and honestly it just sounds like a big excuse written by males in the scientific community ..does anyone has a link disapproving this theory?

It seems men don’t respect life at all, why even create it then?. Two guys in different occasions last month almost run me over with their cars and instead of saying sorry, they laugh it off that they almost killed me without any shame.
Later on when he parked I busted one of his wheels out of air and yes I know it’s wrong but isn’t time to let these psychos know that they are being dicks? I had never done this before but I have reached my limits.. I would have done the same if it was a female, it is not about gender but being a dick what really gets me.

Also men are so disagreeable just for the sake of it. I can’t express my opinion on anything without any of them quickly bringing me down, who wants a relationship with someone like that? They need to be right all the time and you can’t enjoy a damn thing around them because the negativity quickly comes around. I feel so much peace just being alone and doing things for others on my own time, rules and space, I don’t see myself in a relationship any time soon or ever…

This post was submitted by sarahan.

Can men love at all?

I’ve always had issues with men. To the point that there came a stage of questioning my sexuality, but I know I like men. I just hate them at the same time.

I came across this site today and comments tend to be constructive so I’ve decided to enquire for some feedback on my issues.

For a brief history, I grew up without a dad (typical daddy issues) and my mum made it worse by drilling into me that no man will ever love me, that my dad never wanted us and that they’re all after one thing yada yada yada… So I had this preconceived notion of ‘men can’t love’ and I tell you what, they do a hella good job of proving that.

Either way, I overcame all those horrid ideas and started dating as a teenager. My history of dating is up and down but to be honest with you I’ve never truly loved a man because I’ve never felt love from one. There have been times where I got close, but love has to be a more permanent state than a moment of ecstasy or that rush of butterflies, right?

I gave up on dating convinced that I would never find a man who connects with a woman on more than just a physical level. After my Dad died my mum came out with all this info on how he really tried to be a part of our lives when I was young and she kept rejecting him etc.

Suddenly all my perceptions changed, even though I never felt that love, knowing it could have been real changed the world for me. I started thinking about dating again. But again, since starting the first guy turns out was two-timing me and didn’t break it off even after getting the other girl pregnant and the second was very unclear on his ‘status’ when we started hanging out, and as it turns out he’s been in a year long relationship with a sixteen year old! (We’re both 23). You could say I’m picking them wrong but believe me they both seemed like normal and decent guys at the start.

Now I’m questioning whether men can even love at all… Not just me but any woman.

This post was submitted by Grito.x.

Teacher has sex with special needs students

A male teacher was arrested for having sex with two special needs students, both 17-year-old girls.

Both girls admitted the sex was consensual.

He could have served 180 days on both counts, but instead will serve just three days in the local jail.

How do you feel about that? Was there a violation of trust? Did he exploit these special needs girls? Would these girls know how to say ‘no’? What message is three days in jail sending out? Does he deserve more jail time? Does this penalty fit?

Actually, the teacher was female and the students were male.

Do you feel any differently?

Does society go easier on women than on men?

http://www.10tv.com/content/stories/2014/08/22/lancaster-ohio-lancaster-mother-sentenced-to-three-days-in-jail-over-sex-with-two-special-needs-teens.html

This post was submitted by hippie freak.

Ghostbusters reboot…..

I’ve been a long time fans of the Ghostbusters franchise…hell as a kid I wanted to be a Ghostbuster when I grew up.

I’m not going to hate on the idea of an all Female team as it relates to the new film that is being written. In fact I would welcome such openly.

The only issue I would have with the remake/reboot/possible murder of a highly popular franchise that was in effect my childhood.

It would be fine if the folks responsible for the “reboot” didn’t go through the motions just to turn a quick buck (which I have a feeling,given the Hollyweird track record as of late,is the case).

The first two films,and the first 2 seasons of the cartoon series it spawned should be taken into consideration and respected.

An expansion of said cannon would be great in my view, as there are a host of Poltergeists,specters,spooks,and demons to work with.

Possible spirits that could/should be considered for the big screen are wide ranging, from spectral doppelgangers of the original team (Which served as the antagonists from a fan favorite Real Ghostbusters episode titled “Citizen Ghost”) to the Boogieman, or even Samhain.

*Baddies mentioned can be seen in the episode links below*

RGB Citizen Ghost episode…..https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oE8yArpPLy0

RGB Episode “The Boogieman Cometh”……https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uYceSf1Jgk

RGB Episode “When Halloween Was Forever” …….. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsYXNTX7vBA

Instead of a rehash of the first movie, I think it would be best for the fans (As well as the franchise) to benefit from use of the entirety of Ghostbusters cannon/lore.

We have already seen the first movie. Why “reboot” it when there is really no need to do so?

This post was submitted by Pfletch83.

Woman marries herself

Let’s hope for the best that this is a publicity stunt.

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/oct/04/i-married-myself-wedding

Her parents kept their distance, which makes sense.

At the conclusion, she kissed a mirror.

And then she has no problem telling the world all about it.

It’s always uneasy reading for me, when a woman goes on at length, unabashedly talking herself into a troubled place.

This post was submitted by hippie freak.

My coping mechanisms

Ever since I was little I felt like my dad hated me. He hated my personality, the way I looked, and my lack of athletic interest. Being the depressed, lonely teen that I was, it really did not help. Being yelled at by my dad probably hurt my self esteem in some way. He however, did not make men less appealing, my self confidence and attitude makes men less appealing, consequently, it makes them much less attracted to me when I do admit my problems.

I think having a well-endowed (you know what I’m saying), beautiful, kind best friend in my life made him sad. It made him want HER as a daughter instead of me. Unenthused, boring, and anxiety filled me… He had an ideal daughter and that was not me. I wanted a dad who loved me as much as my brother or some random girl at school, obviously it was asking too much…

Now with all these disappointments in my life I’ve come to establish that I can’t date right now. Mentally it fucks with me, screws me over. I feel worse in a shitty relationship than I do alone…I sometimes want to date a girl, but again, push that out because of my overwhelming aura of negativity. I’m basically like a cloud, in fact…I’m like the weather. Changing…and merciless

Anyone who knows would say I’m an alcoholic, and you know what? Fine, it’s true…my coping mechanism is alcohol and thrill. I will do anything to either be numb and emotionless, or better, put myself into dangerous situations, often even life threatening (lets not go in to detail about those). I hide my substance abuse from friends I know…no one suspects that I drink so much…

I often feel as though I have mental break downs and aggression. It forces it’s way out. My anger tantrums and low self esteem pushes men away. Not just the horrible ones either…whenever I am within the relationship boundaries I often change my thoughts on who I’m dating, become overly paranoid of them leaving me, or worse feel I need to do everything to keep them there.

Truly and honestly…I have borderline personality disorder

I don’t know how to love myself anymore, if I can’t even do that, how could I love someone else?

Are men resistant of someone as sad and crazy as me?

This post was submitted by Cry.

Massage of ego or more?

My boyfriend had some health problems and his doctor told him to have a medical massage treatment. He had around 7 treatments. After the first session, I asked him about the person who was doing them and he said it was a young woman. I asked him if she was attractive, he said she was chubby, and not in a good way.

I had to leave for two weeks and when I got back, I found out she sent him a message which went something like this: I wanted to thank you once again for money, you didn’t have to do it (wink), it was always very nice with you… He gave her some extra money for massage, you know. I saw he was checking her profile few days after their last session when she pressumably requested his contact. 7 days after he checked her up, he approved her friendship request. He didn´t write her anything, but he also didn´t see that message I told you about. He will probably read it soon.

She sent him an another message after he approved her friendship in which she said nice that you accepted my request (wink). She sees he is in a relationship, yet she keeps sending him flirty winks. I confronted him about her, since I told him I saw he has a new friend, and he didn´t tell me he was so close to his massage girl. He said she asked him for his facebook, and he thought it was nice she thinks he is a cool guy, and when they talked it wasn´t boring. He told me they talked about their jobs, he enjoyed the conversation, and he thought it is not a bad thing to be friends. He felt flattered.

I asked him if she was pretty and he said she is not ugly. He told me he loves me, and I should trust him. I asked him if he would delete her for me, since I don´t see a reason why he should be friends with someone who was massaging him half naked, and he said he would do it, although he thinks it is not very nice. The girl seems to be after him, she is around 20, he is older, has a good job, and she was touching him as a therapist so there was a special contact between those two.

She is clearly flirting with him, and is probably after him. I am not going to start about women trying to flirt with a taken man, which is clearly sad and disgusting. Some people would say he is not guilty, that I cannot control who he befriends or not, that he has a right to feel good about himself and feel he is still attractive to other women. To me, it is a betrayal, because I can´t imagine befriending someone who he considers fairly attractive, interesting and of opposite sex just because he wants to be nice to her.

Am I overreacting or not? Should I pretend I don´t know about what´s going on and wait for more signs, what he replies and how he acts? Or should I tell him he should delete her if he wants to be with me? I am afraid this will lead to more secrecy and it will not resolve the issue. I was even thinking to tell him to go on a date with her, if he thinks he is not happy with me, and she is better.

I don´t want to spend next months guessing what if. I know I cannot change it, only make a decision about my actions. The worst part for me, and why I feel he let me down, is that he thinks it is ok to be friends with someone who is flirting with him. I was in a similar situation, and I explained to that person I am in a relationship and I don´t think it´s right to meet up, and I deleted that person. Please, help me. Should I talk through it one more time, or break up with him?

I cannot imagine a future with a person who is adding attractive women or women who are attracted to him just because it massages his ego. Or is that a false presumption, and he wants more than that? He said he only wants me, but then how can I explain his behaviour? To me, these two things don´t go together.

I know I shouldn´t be dependent on him, lower my standards and all that, but in reality, we all want to be loved. There is so many bad men out there, what if I let the best of the worst go?…

This post was submitted by ifeelineedtorun.

My story

I have always been the shy, silent one throughout my life. As expected there have been many people picking on me thinking me silence as my weakness. I had been always withdrawn and never let my true feelings come to face until I met him. We met through a social networking site. He lives miles away. We have never met. So back to where I was. We met – chatted- became best friends.

I always had behaved like a scalded cat burnt from milk, unwilling to touch it again. But with him I learnt to relax finally. I learnt to let go my inhibitions. He was this lonely guy who didn’t have any friends and wanted someone to love. He had been rejected in love and friendship earlier, I think it was his let down in life which resounded with mine that made me get closer to him. We became very close. He doted on me. Every time, everything, in front of everyone. But then I got busy with my exams and we kept talking less and less.

I tried to make up but it never worked. After my exams I had gained my entrance to university and lost his love. He had got used to talking less, it was all quite rough. Still we managed to stay close. We had been building up moments since the past year so that year near around the end I realized those moments had just not built up happiness but also love in me for him. The love had taken root in me so deeply it became hard to uproot it; harder to not let it grow; and after it had grown to its fullest… hardest to let it hide. I confessed. And what a rude shock it was for me. I lost him that day.

He behaved very weirdly.. first he said he didnt know if he loved me.. i said i want to leave.. he didnt let me go.. afterwards the next day he said he was okay with it and maybe he loved me.. then we got into a relationship.. and he broke it next day ( ?????????? ) saying it was not working for him. All the love of the past day was gone.. then we went though such a rough patch that all my good memories were just memories now.

He never went back to what he was. I stayed burnt and scalded trying to be his only best friend and seeing to it that he aint hurt by loneliness. The months were hard. Ive cried, emotionally died and there’s nothing left of me anymore. I was happy, then i fell in love without wanted to because he had forced his presence on me 24×7 all the 365 days, when he said no, i was okay! but that mock relationship.. those paragraphs saying how much he loved me, wants me still resounds in my head. Ive been emotionally tortured and yet ive stayed. Im battled and bruised all for love. We were never like friends. It was like friends with benefits relationship. The friend was the name of the relation the benefit was selfless love. The love he got for free from me.

Now suddenly he has made a career shift and he doesnt have time for me. The little time he has, he doesnt try to interact. There’s no proper communication. He is so guarded all the time. Its been months since he said i love you. I try to read old conversations but all they do is bring tears to my eyes Its like he is sucking life, love, happiness out of me. And i like a willing fool give it away because i cant see anyone except him. Others say they love me, but i feel repulsed. I hate men. I hate how they use women up for their emotional needs without satisfying there’s. In the end you are all left lonely while they down a drink with their friends.

Why is that a women has to be sensitive, lovable, beautiful, happy, exciting, sexy,….. everything to satisfy her man when all that they what to put inside you is a boner. For them love aint eough. Oh how much I hate men. I am disgusted with the whole idea of love.

This post was submitted by brokenthoughts.

Why do I feel like I’m caught in the crossfire between the Feminists and the Patriarchy?

I would like to preface this by saying I am a male feminist who has recently distanced himself from the term "Feminist" in favor of the more inclusive term "Gender Equality", that being said I am not some "Mens Rights" nut who thinks men are universally persecuted by the current societal system. However, it feels like a lot of feminism takes an Us Vs. Them stance, where them is simply a lumped category of anyone who is male. I recently read a quote that said gender inequality was simply men oppressing women and I was upset by this, as a man I feel I am persecuted by the patriarchy in many ways for not conforming to typical gender norms or behaving in a way perceived as manly.

Let me clarify of course that I definitely feel the patriarchal structure of society disadvantages women far more, what with wage inequality, the place of women in the workforce being constantly questioned and marginalized, not to mention the institutionalized way that women are often seen as property or prizes. That being said, as a man if I were drugged and raped by a woman (rather than being, say ,sexually assaulted by another man or violated with a strap on), it would be incredibly unlikely that my claims would be taken seriously, after all a man is strong and a woman is the victim in these situations according to gender norms. Even feminists seem to try and perpetuate the idea that the man is ALWAYS the aggressor, despite new data showing that men are raped and domestically abused by women far more than was previously believed.

It really feels like sensitive, equal minded men are being squeezed out of the debate, some days I just feel ashamed of my gender because from the patriarchal perspective I'm too intellectually and emotionally focused and have never excelled at or enjoyed typically masculine activities, but from the feminist perspective I'm just another swinging dick that has yet to victimize someone.

I realize that is an extreme point of view from either side but it seems increasingly ridiculous to focus on "Feminism" as a one sided issue rather than taking a more holistic approach to gender equality, I think feminisms focus on women alienates a lot of men who are mistreated by the patriarchy that might otherwise be on board for a more inclusive gender equality movement, but instead feel demonized by women who just want to be respected as people, am I wrong to feel this way?

submitted by bayonder1
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