I HATE MEN

Can I Forgive Him?

May 16, 2008 – 3:19 pm

So he calls me the next day…I thought twice about answering, but I did really want to see him again to talk to him about why he lied. I listened to him talk on the phone, but I didn’t say a lot back…I was still upset, but I made sure to let him know that his movies were at my house. We spoke briefly over the next few days, but I had a busy weekend so I did not have anytime to see him.

I guess it was either the following Sunday or Monday night that he came over. I made dinner for us, and we sat and ate. After dinner I finally brought it up…”So what was up with you the other night…I know you were probably half asleep, I just don’t understand why you lied.” He told me he didn’t know why he lied, it was one of his old ex’s calling him, he didn’t even give her his new number, she got it off of a mutual acquaintance. Apparently she calls him when she is drunk, which explains the 1:30am phone call. I felt so much better once he told me. I know he does not like her anymore…I know that she caused a lot of drama for him in the past and their relationship ended very rocky…we’ll leave it at that.

Once we talked I felt soooo much better. I do really like him, and I would not want to stop talking to him over something so stupid. Now, he knows how much that upset me and I think it made him understand how much I care about him…if he didn’t know already.

The last few times we have spent together after our talk, he has been very affectionate, kind, and passionate…ceratinly acting as more than just friends, but I don’t want to push him to make a decision when he is not ready. I am willing to wait for him because I do like him so much. I have technically been single for the last 3 years (I’ve only went out on a few date, and didn’t like any of them enough to start a relationship) So after 3 years of being single I’ve finally found a guy that I want to have a relationship with… I’m not in a hurry to find another guy, or anything like that.

The confusion has subsided, and I don’t feel like I am spinning in circles anymore. I don’t think that he is afraid of me, but I do think, well I know, that he is scared… Scared of getting hurt, and scared of hurting me. I am scared too, but I think I am going to take the advice of Erin,

“Take a risk on the unexpected it might just be what you’re looking for…”

All of this makes me think of what Winston Churchill once said,

“You will make all kinds of mistakes; but as long as you are generous and true and also fierce you cannot hurt the world or even seriously distress her. She was meant to be wooed and won by youth.”

While I’m sure Mr. Churchill never thought that these words of wisdom could be applied to a relationship, it fits very well. Why not take the risk, and conquer the fear of the unknown. Sure we may make mistakes along the way, but imagine all that we would have missed or not achieved if we didn’t take the risk. Is there a possibility that one or both of us could end up getting hurt? Absolutely. But, we both could be passing up a chance for true happiness.

On the path to true happiness I expect to fall a few times, but I will always get back up.

a better woman |

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Rebounds & Hookups Create Drama and Confusion

May 15, 2008 – 11:14 am

Hi everyone! So I have come to the conclusion that boys - not men make life confusing. I broke up with my ex a couple months ago. We had been together for many years and were close to becoming engaged; anyways we grew apart and it was definitely for the better.

So, as soon as I was single there was the usual “rebound.” I think it was more that I was afraid of being alone than anything. Then I realized that I would be fine living the single life until I found someone. Weeks went by and I met a guy.

Now, this guy was five years older, which isn’t a big deal, technically married, and had a girlfriend. Yes, ladies and gentlemen what in the world was I thinking?? We ended up hooking up while he was still with his girlfriend. And he made it clear that all he wanted was to “hook-up,” even though he kept telling me how much he liked me, better than his girlfriend, which I am NOT ok with.

While we “hooked-up” all I could think about was, “is this gonna go anywhere?” Then of course the thought of his poor girlfriend did cross my mind. That too was another reason why I wouldn’t want to see myself with him - once a cheater always a cheater. Who’s to say he would not cheat again? Most likely he would.

So I got over it and decided to move on and forget guys for awhile. Too much of this drama was driving my crazy. I went to a party with my friend and very unexpectantly met a great guy!

We ended up talking for hours and hit things off right away. Later I had found out that the other guy (the one with the gf) dumped his girlfriend for me.

He was telling me over the phone how he could now give me 100% and see where things could go and that he really cared about me. I was so confused because this guy is completely opposite from me. I’m 21 he’s 26. I’m more conservative and laid back he’s the bad boy type.

I couldn’t truly understand what he was doing? He was saying all the right things to try and trick me into thinking he was some awesome guy. And don’t get me wrong he is a nice guy and good friend, but not my type of guy to be in a long-term relationship with.

At that point I was very confused; I was confused about how I was going to turn that guy down without hurting his feelings. It was obvious that he was playing the field and didn’t care about me. He was trying as hard as he could to get me because he now found himself solo and no girlfriend to sleep with.

The first thing I told him was besides not having the same feelings about him as he did for me, that I couldn’t be with a “cheater.” His response was comical, “ohh I would never cheat on…we would be so close in that I would not have the temptation.” Right after that I got sick to my stomach thinking, “I hooked up with a slime ball.”

Personally, I think that getting to know someone before you get intimate with them shows a lot about the person. It shows that they care about YOU and not only what you look like.

So as you can guess I’m dating the guy I met at my friend’s birthday party and I’m so happy! This guy is completely perfect - great sense of humor, personality, intelligent, and not too mention not bad on the eyes.

Last weekend, he took me to see a movie it was the cutest thing, he did the arm-stretch and put his arm around me. He gives me little butterflies in my stomach when he kisses me - having that feeling makes me realize that I would risk anything right now to make it work between the two of us. And I believe that he is the same way.

I’m excited to see what happens between the two of us and will keep you posted. If I can give any advice I would say, “Take a risk on the unexpected it might just be what you’re looking for…”

Erin |

I Hate Men, Venting About Men |

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Why Lie…What is the Reason for Lying?

April 24, 2008 – 11:20 am

So my guy friend and I are laying on my couch watching a movie, and we end up falling asleep. His phone starts ringing at 1:30am…no one ever calls him that late. He woke up and answered it, and I woke up too. I was able to hear that it was a woman on the other line, but I did not want to listen to his conversation. (I am a big believer in treating people as you would like to be treated, and I really don’t like nosy people, so I give others the same respect.) When he got off the phone I asked him, “Is everything okay?” (Even though I was half asleep, my first thought was that it may have been his mom or one of his sisters..I truly am a worry-wart, and after losing my brother I often think the worst when the phone rings at an unusual time…it feels like my heart stops for a moment…the same feeling as when I got the phone call about my brother.)

It was a “yes/no” question, he only had to say one word…instead he says, “oh, that was my buddy Jeremy”…he straight up lied to me…I never thought that he would be the guy to lie to me. I instantly got sick to my stomach, and I started to gag…I am thinking in my head did this really just happen (wishing it was a nightmare). I couldn’t hold back anymore…either I say something or I run to the bathroom to vomit. “You know you don’t have to lie to me, so why did you?” He doesn’t answer. “I asked you a question.” He says, “what?” I said, “Why did you lie to me.” The only thing he could say was, “I don’t know.”

I’m thinking to myself…did he just say “I don’t know”. Then I asked him, “Are you afraid of me or something?” I really did not get it. First off we are not together anymore. About a month prior we decided to take a step back, and just be friends (there are a lot of reasons for this decision, but I’m not going to get into it all. Even though we took a step back we still cared about each other). I did not care about a girl calling him, he is not committed to me, or anything like that…we are friends…but does he go around lying to his other friends too?

Now I am starting to question everything about him…maybe he is not the Prince Charming I thought he was. Sure I never had to open a car door, but I’d rather open a million car doors on my own than have someone that I care about lie to me. Do I even know this guy that I was letting myself falling in love with 4 months ago? Confusion overtook me. Does he even like me…maybe this is all wrong…can he even talk to me…he’s only opened up once, the day we decided to stop dating…is he uncomfortable around me, do I make him uncomfortable…as all of these thoughts are going through my head I was wishing he would just say something…I’m sorry, I was half asleep, and give me a kiss on the forehead or something…why could he not say anything? I felt my eyes swelling up with tears.

I needed to get off the couch and go into my bed. I thought he would leave, but he didn’t. He came up stairs to sleep next to me…I laid there crying as he fell back asleep. My mind still racing as I cushioned my head in the damp pillow…why did he lie, should I talk to him anymore…I have these other guys that seem to really like me, that listen to me, talk with me, and want to be with me and I am blowing them off for him…why? I am not going to call him again, why should I want to talk to him again…he won’t share any deep feelings or emotions with me…it’s just superficial bullshit, and I am not a superficial girl. I care so much, sometimes I think I care too much…I care too much about others, about making everyone happy…are you hungry, thirsty, can I do anything for you? I am not complaining…I like who I am. I just want to be appreciated…I don’t need you to buy me a dozen red rose, I would rather you talk to me, share your life, feelings, emotions, fears, goals, ambitions, and dreams with me…and I will listen and share mine with you.

This is the kicker…he never leaves movies at my house…ever. So, the next morning he woke up and left for work before me. When I got up for work his pile of movies were sitting down stairs on the table…maybe it was an accident, but I remember his hat and something else sitting right next to those movies last night, and those items were gone, so why did he leave the movie?? Did he know how I was feeling that night…did he know that I did not want to talk to him ever again? Did he think that leaving movies at my house would give him another chance?

To be continued…Can I Forgive Him?

a better woman |

I Hate Men, Venting About Men, Worst Date Stories |

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The Summer of the Flip Flop

April 23, 2008 – 1:26 pm

While ABC News referred to 2004 as “the summer of the Flip-flop” I think they may have gotten a little a head of themselves as 2008 is offering up the best of the best in flip flops.

Flip flops are no longer just for the beach as they can be coordinated with jeans, khakis, skirts and dresses. Several of my friends that have gotten married over the past several years have worn flip flops with their wedding gowns…and I will be no different.

I will be getting married on the beach next year, and let me tell you I will not be trying to wear heels and walk in the sand. Sure I thought about going bare foot, but the sand is truly just too hot. I found the perfect solution…a luxury flip flop. I first saw these sporty flip flops in the April issue of Women’s Health, but when I went on the PecheBlu website I was blown away. They actually make crocodile flip flops.

Check out what I will be wearing for my beach wedding.

Riley |

I Hate Men |

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Defining and Sustaining a Relationship?

April 15, 2008 – 4:48 pm

The Eskimo have hundreds of words for snow, and we’ve invented three times that many words for relationships, but the more words we invent the harder it becomes to define. In a world where you can date without sex, screw without dating, and in the end keep most of your sex partners as friends long after the screwing is over…what really defines a relationship?

I wrote about the difference between “dating” vs “boyfriend/girlfriend”, but let’s dig a little deeper into relationships.

First I think it is fair to say that any person that you are in a relationship with is also a friend. In friendships/relationships we establish a social relationship, often interpersonal. Interpersonal relationships vary in their many degrees, including intimacy and sharing. Generally people are able to establish a relationship due in fact that they share things in common.

So the relationship has been establish…let’s try to define it. While we have created hundred of words for relationships, I think that we can categorize it down to less than ten: marriage, a long-term romance, lovers, soulmates, boyfriend & girlfriend, significant others, mistress, friends with benefits, or just friends (purely platonic)

Now comes the hard part…sustaining the relationship. Having a lot in common is great, but that is not always enough to withstand relationship woes. More often than not relationships fail due to lack of honest communication and awareness.

To sustain a relationship, you need to be perceptive…listen, pay attention to body language, and sometimes you have to read in between the lines. Remember it is best to maintain interaction, encourage openness, and be completely honest with each other. There is no reason to hide how you feel, even if you are afraid that you may offend your partner. I have learned that keeping your feelings in will not facilitate a closer bond, but rather weaken the bond that was initially created.

You may find it difficult to communicate when you partner builds up a wall, or seems disconnected, but I think there are many ways to open the connection. One of the best ways to open the lines of communication is to ensure that your partner is comfortable with you, and also that they trust you. A good way to instill trust is to share personal details of your own life…maybe tell them something that not everyone knows. By trusting or confiding in them, they may become more comfortable to confide in you. You can share details of your life, your childhood, or your best kept memories. One of my favorite casual and fun ways to learn about a person is to play “never have I ever”…while they are often single statements, it tells you a lot about a person’s character, demeanor, values, and even their sense of humor. Be creative, and open-minded…if you and your partner are looking for the same things, by working together you can both find it!

I guess everyone wants to find that “perfect” relationship, but I think that there are relationship requirements that need to be met in order to even come close to getting it right.

Is it possible to find both a mind blowing physical connection and an intellectual relationship? I guess only time will tell.

a better woman |

I Hate Men, Venting About Men, Words of Wisdom |

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Women Will Understand This! Men Should Memorize It!

April 3, 2008 – 9:19 am

Every women know that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth, and he takes his life in his hands!

This is a handy communication guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

Dangerous:

What’s for dinner?
Are you wearing that?
Why are you so worked up?
Should you be eating that?
What did you DO all day?

Safer:

Can I help you with dinner?
Wow, you sure look good in brown!
Could we be overreacting?
There are a lot of apples left.
I hope you didn’t over-do it today.

Safest:

Where would you like to go for dinner?
Wow! Look at you!
Here’s my paycheck.
Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
I’ve always loved you in that robe!

Ultra Safe:

Here, have some wine.
Here, have some wine.
Here, have some wine.
Here, have some wine.
Here, have some wine.

Riley |

'All About Men' Jokes, I Hate Men |

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Eliot Spitzer - Top 10 Unsexiest Men of the Year

March 27, 2008 – 2:47 pm

I would like to thank Maggie from the Boston Phoenix for filling me in about one of the Top 10 in their annual survey of THE 100 UNSEXIEST MEN OF THE YEAR.

The Boston Phoenix staff has taken much time, and careful calculations to determine exactly who are the unsexiest men of 2008.

Now these men are more than just unsexy, some can truly be considered scum of the Earth. They ARE the MEN WE HATE…hypocrites, liars, big mouth egotist, cheaters, burly fat slobs, frauds, and down right repugnant men, if we can even call them men…

Some of these men may or may not be considered physically unappealing (some are even attractive), but most have displayed unacceptable behavior, characteristics, values, motives, and some are just plain dumb.

The Top 10 UNSEXIEST MEN OF THE YEAR

10. PEREZ HILTON - YENTA SKEEZE

9. ELIOT SPITZER - THE LUV GUV

Oh, Client 9: what big ears you have! And you know what they say, right? The bigger a man’s ears . . . the more he spends on hookers! The ex-governor wasn’t exactly a New York sex symbol, even when he was beating the pants off Wall Street crooks. Now that the FBI’s got his pay-to-lay madame on a wiretap calling him “difficult” and revealing his predilection for riding bareback with prostitutes, it’s safe to say that he’s significantly reduced his potential partner pool to a handful of revenge-seeking men looking for payback in cellblock D.

8. DR. PHIL - TOUCHY FEELER

7. RYAN SEACREST - AMERICAN IDIOT

6. MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD - PERSIAN PINHEAD

5. LOU DOBBS - BORDER BULLY

4. TOM CRUISE - MAD SCIENTOLOGIST

3. LARRY CRAIG - SENATOR “GLORY, GLORY HOLE I’LL DO YA”

2. SPENCER PRATT - MTV’S LOSER HILLS-BILLY

1. ROGER CLEMENS - ROID-RAGING ROCKET

Thanks again Maggie. Eliot Spitzer definitely deserves to be in The Top 100 Unsexiest Men of 2008.

Well at least we know that all those men going at him in cellblock D will gladly meet without objection Spitzer desire to go bareback. Now, I wonder how Spitzer will feel when the bareback rider will be on him?

a better woman |

I Hate Men, Stupid Men In The News |

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He Owes It All To Our Ex-Boyfriends

March 20, 2008 – 3:22 pm

a better woman |

I Hate Men, Music Lyrics, Words of Wisdom |

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How Stupid Is Eliot Spitzer?

March 20, 2008 – 8:49 am

Eliot Spitzer received a perfect score on his LSAT, spent 6 yrs with the Manhattan district attorney’s office, and was the Attorney General for the state of New York. It is fair to say he has some experience with legal matters…”some” being and understatement.

So, I would think everyone is asking the same question as I am…Is Eliot Spitzer stupid?

Perhaps, as an individual he is quite intelligent, but maybe not in social situations. When Spitzer was committing the acts, he was no longer thinking as a Governor, or a lawyer, but as a man who wanted to get laid. He was basically fitting into that character (a horny man), and in turn conformed to what was the perceived social norms of a lascivious man.

Still, that is no excuse for what he did. Eliot Spitzer acted in a way that was outside his norm, but he knew what he was doing was wrong.

Eliot Spitzer deserves the “Stupid Man of the Year Award”.

a better woman |

I Hate Men, Stupid Men In The News |

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Taking Time To Heal After A Relationship

March 18, 2008 – 3:53 pm

As I sit and watch Sex and the City, Carrie proposes an odd analogy, “I got to thinking about relationships and partial lobotomies. Two seemingly different ideas that might just be perfect together - like chocolate and peanut butter.”

So, I got to thinking about relationships and partial lobotomies…as with victims of the lobotomy their sacrifice can be similar to what some sacrifice to try to make a relationship work. Whether it is through psychosurgery or relationship identity loss,”an area essential to the human being - the personality - is destroyed”.

After a relationship, it does feel that we have lost many things that have made us a unique human being…such as love, concern for others, empathy, self-insight, creativity, initiative, autonomy, rationality, abstract reasoning, judgment, future planning, foresight, will-power, determination, and concentration.

Now why the consequences of the surgery are irreversible, I believe that when a relationship is concluded, we can rebuild our personality and all that qualities that made us the great person we were.

At the end of a relationship, we have not only lost the love for our mate, but often love for ourselves. We need to take the time to love ourselves again before we can try to love someone else.

Not only do we lose love, we might stop caring about ourselves and others. Maybe we drive erratically, start bad habits, or even abuse ourselves or others. I believe if we accomplish the first step, and love ourselves, we can avoid the loss of concern for ourselves and others. Remember to maintain a appreciation for yourself and each other through the relationship to avoid the loss of empathy.

Often in relationships we lose autonomy and self-insight, as we are no longer independent. We may have allowed our previous mate to make the decisions, or influence our decisions…often when our mate may not have our best interest in mind. Throughout a relationship it is important to maintain your independence. When making a decision in a relationship it should be made as a team…consider the pros/cons of the decision and how it will affect both of you, as well as each of you as individuals. If the decision does not equal a positive when both of you are considered, it is not a good decision.

If we continue to allow others to make decisions for us, we also find a loss of rationality and abstract reasoning. Sound judgment, responsibility, and common sense become clouded and we are unable to properly analyze and solve problems. Remember to keep your values close to heart when making decisions in life…don’t lose sight of your creativity & drive, and never let your mate put you down.

In a relationship, we spend so much time planning for a future with one person. So when the relationship is ended we have difficulty in planning for just us. Remember, it is okay to be selfish and think about yourself. Don’t run away when you feel lost, you should try to find your home…try find where “you” belong in life. If you run away now, when you stop to look around later you may realize that you have become more lost than when you started. Think about where you would like to be in 5 years. Think about education or your career. Face your fears, and don’t take the path that seems the easiest. While it is easier to run away, it seems best to take the time to do something to make your life better.

We find it difficult to anticipate or expect, when what was normal to us is never more. It will take some time to adjust to a new way of living, but never stop living. We were born with a will to live…with drive and determination, so don’t stop driving towards your goals in life. Stay positive, motivated, creative, and most of all, alive with who you are. Don’t hide who you are, or pretend to be something you are not.

As SJP asked, “To be in a couple, do you have to put your single self on a shelf?”

I think it is important to stay true to who we are…because if we put our “single self” on a shelf, who’s to say it will still be there or be the same…I would never want there to be a shelf life on me.

a better woman |

Words of Wisdom |

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Eliot Spitzer - Spotlights Stupid Men In The News

March 12, 2008 – 2:20 pm

I have decided to start a new category on I Hate Men…most appropriately called “Stupid Men in the News“. I have decided to create this new category after reading of the abashed Governor Spitzer who apparently dropped up to $80,000 on sex with prostitutes.

He is a married, 48 year old father of 3 daughters, yet he has been diving into bed with prostitutes for as long as a decade. Okay, we hate him already, but that’s not even the part that makes him stupid. There is seriously so much irony in all of it. (And I must say he is not attractive at all. He should have just been happy that he had a wife like Silda Wall Spitzer.)

Firstly, when Spitzer was the attorney general, he led investigations into prostitution, broke up call-girl rings, and prosecuted for corruption, money laundering and prostitution charges. He backed legislation targeting the sex trade, including a provision aimed at men who frequent prostitutes. These men were among an elite group of power brokers and top attorneys who regularly paid for dates at pricey escort agencies. He caught these men by following the chain of money…he investigated pay packages of Wall Street executives, and he made himself familiar with shady financial maneuvers.

So, knowing this first piece of information, one would not suspect Spitzer to partake in such activities as paying for prostitution. Likely so, he was actually being investigated by the IRS when they noticed unusual financial transactions by Spitzer. Apparently, Spitzer had divided up several financial transactions to avoid federal reporting rules. He might have been in the clear, but Spitzer got worried that he could be tied to the transfers and asked the bank to remove his name from the transactions. The bank reportedly refused, not only because of regulations, but also because the money had already gone out. The suspicious financial activity was initially reported by a bank to the IRS which, under direction from the Justice Department, brought in the FBI’s Public Corruption Squad.

Federal investigators first believed when they began investigating Spitzer that his questionable financial transactions might be linked to campaign-finance violations. It was only months later that the IRS and the FBI determined that Spitzer was not hiding bribes but payments to a company called QAT, what prosecutors say is a prostitution operation operating under the name of the Emperor’s Club. “We had no interest at all in the prostitution ring until the thing with Spitzer led us to learn about it,” said one Justice Department official.

I find it even more ironic that prosecutors reportedly have a series of e-mails and wiretapped phone conversations of Spitzer. What makes it so priceless is that in an interview 2 years ago with then Attorney General Spitzer, he gave some advice for people who break the law. “Never talk when you can nod, and never nod when you can wink, and never write an e-mail because it’s death. You’re giving prosecutors all the evidence we need,” he said.

It has been said that New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer will resign effective Monday. This is no surprise since he may face prosecution for several charges. If Spitzer intentionally broke up cash transfers into several wire payments to get around the federal disclosure requirement, he could be prosecuted for the crime of “structuring.” If Spitzer made such payments, or used money orders to pay the prostitution ring, he could also face money-laundering charges for paying an entity he knew to be a criminal enterprise.

So, in the end, it appears that Spitzer may have been done in by the same behavior he built a career out of prosecuting.

a better woman |

I Hate Men, Stupid Men In The News, Words of Wisdom |

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