My boyfriend had some health problems and his doctor told him to have a medical massage treatment. He had around 7 treatments. After the first session, I asked him about the person who was doing them and he said it was a young woman. I asked him if she was attractive, he said she was chubby, and not in a good way.
I had to leave for two weeks and when I got back, I found out she sent him a message which went something like this: I wanted to thank you once again for money, you didn’t have to do it (wink), it was always very nice with you… He gave her some extra money for massage, you know. I saw he was checking her profile few days after their last session when she pressumably requested his contact. 7 days after he checked her up, he approved her friendship request. He didn´t write her anything, but he also didn´t see that message I told you about. He will probably read it soon.
She sent him an another message after he approved her friendship in which she said nice that you accepted my request (wink). She sees he is in a relationship, yet she keeps sending him flirty winks. I confronted him about her, since I told him I saw he has a new friend, and he didn´t tell me he was so close to his massage girl. He said she asked him for his facebook, and he thought it was nice she thinks he is a cool guy, and when they talked it wasn´t boring. He told me they talked about their jobs, he enjoyed the conversation, and he thought it is not a bad thing to be friends. He felt flattered.
I asked him if she was pretty and he said she is not ugly. He told me he loves me, and I should trust him. I asked him if he would delete her for me, since I don´t see a reason why he should be friends with someone who was massaging him half naked, and he said he would do it, although he thinks it is not very nice. The girl seems to be after him, she is around 20, he is older, has a good job, and she was touching him as a therapist so there was a special contact between those two.
She is clearly flirting with him, and is probably after him. I am not going to start about women trying to flirt with a taken man, which is clearly sad and disgusting. Some people would say he is not guilty, that I cannot control who he befriends or not, that he has a right to feel good about himself and feel he is still attractive to other women. To me, it is a betrayal, because I can´t imagine befriending someone who he considers fairly attractive, interesting and of opposite sex just because he wants to be nice to her.
Am I overreacting or not? Should I pretend I don´t know about what´s going on and wait for more signs, what he replies and how he acts? Or should I tell him he should delete her if he wants to be with me? I am afraid this will lead to more secrecy and it will not resolve the issue. I was even thinking to tell him to go on a date with her, if he thinks he is not happy with me, and she is better.
I don´t want to spend next months guessing what if. I know I cannot change it, only make a decision about my actions. The worst part for me, and why I feel he let me down, is that he thinks it is ok to be friends with someone who is flirting with him. I was in a similar situation, and I explained to that person I am in a relationship and I don´t think it´s right to meet up, and I deleted that person. Please, help me. Should I talk through it one more time, or break up with him?
I cannot imagine a future with a person who is adding attractive women or women who are attracted to him just because it massages his ego. Or is that a false presumption, and he wants more than that? He said he only wants me, but then how can I explain his behaviour? To me, these two things don´t go together.
I know I shouldn´t be dependent on him, lower my standards and all that, but in reality, we all want to be loved. There is so many bad men out there, what if I let the best of the worst go?…
This post was submitted by ifeelineedtorun.